... just need to know what that miracle is, to realize that it did happen or pray for it to happen!!!
Deep inside the enchanted forest lies magic, the magic of miracles. That is where knights find their princesses! Deep inside the magical forest, lies an enchanted tree whose branches reach the sky and in the cloud that hovers above this tree, lies a land that changes every day (Enid Blyton ofcourse!!). And then, there are wanderers roaming these forests, some find love, some find bravery, but one who survives the charm finds a warrior… If life is like an enchanted forest, each day charming its way through the lives of knights, princesses, dreamers, wanderers, warriors alive in us, who would I want to be?
Tough question! I want to be a princess, enthralled by an alluring knight. I want to be a wanderer, exploring the path, being absorbed into the captivities it holds, as it unravels. I want to be a warrior, unafraid and strong. But, truly, am I not a dreamer, in that I wish to be a princess or a warrior? Honestly, I am a dreamer. I love to dream and I love to dream big. Every day I wake up, I need to feel that gush to my head, that I am something – not by definition of my predecessors or by a last name, but as “me”. And I dream about it, every day. Of course, I dream of an Edward (I know that it is impossible to find an Edward, for I am no Bella! Please checkout the Twilight series, if any one is confused – they are the new Romeo-Juliet, without the tragedy!), I dream of a cosy house, of a challenge surrounding my day ahead. I dream of a warrior strong enough to deal with the challenges and emerge a winner. But, dreams aren’t enough, to be a princess or a warrior.
At the close of the dusk lies a dawn, yet at the close of every year, there is a foreboding inside me. I want to shoot like an arrow, yet, I am afraid I am losing focus. Or perhaps, I have not found my focus, yet. Too many questions clogging my mind and here I sit, wondering about the choices of life and the paths I chose. I do not regret the paths I travelled, yet I want to take a complete U-turn and start afresh. The very core of my strength is suffocating me and I want to cleanse the entire slate and make a meaningful beginning. Nothing can turn the time back, not even an earnest prayer. Wish I had a time-turner!!! (Harry Potter, here I ask of you too!!!), but alas, life is no fantasy – it is real! And lost time is “experience”. How true, experience is a word that the old use to cover their mistakes! A piece of wisdom that came through experience again!!!
Yet, there is that tiny corner of hope for miracles in life. That this foreboding will warm up to something truly magnificent and the enchantments will turn to endearments! The demons that unveil in the dark will wash away in the flicker of hope that shines through me. And the will in me won’t snap in two, for the darkest hour lies just before the dawn. The U-turn might not change back the time and perhaps, I need to go obtuse, think out of the box and do something all together different for the miracle to happen. But, what is that miracle? Damned, if I know!!!
Nov 30, 2009
Nov 22, 2009
Missing You...
DISCLAIMER: This is a fictional story. All the characters are fictional. The incident itself is a creation. Any resemblance to people or to the situations in the real world, is purely coincidental.
My Dearest,
How would I begin with, when I know that the very reason for this letter is the cause of my distress? I miss you terribly. And nothing can be done about it. Last night, it was our anniversary. You called me and we spoke for sometime, but for some reason the emptiness of the house (I can’t call it home, when you aren’t around!) got into me.
Do you miss me too? Perhaps you do, else you would not call me every day! What do you miss the most? Me or being around with me? As I fondly reminisced my favourite moments with you, I fell asleep on the couch with a smile on my face and woke up with an ache in my neck :D. I know, I cannot take care of myself! Well, I ask, one tiny thing that is to take care of me. Is that so wrong? Of course not! And if you aren’t around, there is no one to take care of me. Can’t help if I am sick, can I? Another thing to consider among the million things that are to be considered, when you plan on going alone, to some place without me.
It rained in the morning. Now you know what would happen, right? Though I can sense your anger across the miles, you really should NOT be angry with me. Too bad, you cannot do something about it. Well… you got to understand that I did not plan on it. I dressed up for the weather – that is, with the rain coat and got out for a walk. Well, I could have said, grocery, at least, I am being truthful, cut me some slack when you call tomorrow! The cool air and the drizzle called my name, I could not resist, so I opened my rain coat and got wet in the drizzle, that slowly turned into a torrent and I loved it. I know, I know, one cough or sneeze and I am in for it, but, for now, I am well, so hold on to your horses! Do you remember that time, when you caught me getting wet in the rain? I was running fever and barely recovered. Just to be on the safe side, I took the day off, but asked you to go to the office. It was raining that day and I could not resist the urge to get out and I did go out. I got drenched and the torrent from my clothes matched the rain outside. I walked into the house through the back door so as to not puddle the living room. You were in the kitchen, sipping coffee. I knew I am in for it. I did not even try looking at your face, afraid that it would be contorted with anger. I stood there, waiting and shivering. I know that the shiver was not because of the cold, for sure. You did not say a word, just helped me out of my wet clothes and pushed me into the hot shower. While I stood there, you joined me and lathered me with the shampoo… I still did not speak and neither did you. After a good ten minute shower, you switched off the tap and wrapped a huge towel, one, around me and other around you. We got out of the shower and you dried my wet hair, not uttering a single word through the five minute ordeal and then took out a few warm clothes and helped me get into them. Even now, you would not talk.
While you dressed, I mumbled an apology, which you conveniently ignored and headed down stairs, leaving me standing in the bedroom. I could not help but feel like a kid who is being punished. The guilt of having you worried was just unbearable. I could have joined you downstairs, but I could not face you and some how, I did not think that would be appreciated. So I waited around, not moving an inch, not daring to make a sound, when all I want to do was cuddle up in your arms and cry. After a good twenty minutes, you came up with a cup of hot chocolate and a sandwich and kept it on the bed. You sat on the bed and beckoned me towards you. I sat beside you and you gave me the hot chocolate. I looked into your eyes and apologized. You just looked at me.
“Not one word out of you, until I am ready to talk. Is that clear?”, is what you said.
My eyes filled up with tears. Normally, that would suffice to get into your embrace, but not that day. You did not even try and wipe my tears away. Just pushed my hand holding the cup to my mouth. I drank it, slowly, wondering how long it would be, before you would talk. After about half of the cup was done, you pushed the sandwich towards me. I did not want to eat it, so pushed it away. You slapped my hand and brought the sandwich closer to my mouth and glared at me, daring me to say a no. I do not push your buttons often and I did not dare to do it then. Your voice, just your controlled voice is sufficient to make my spine tingle. And I have never seen you so angry in the three years of our marriage and the couple of years before that, when we dated. I ate half of it and leaned to take the hot chocolate. You let me have a sip, before pushing it aside and feeding me the sandwich. After a horrendous twenty minute of food, you lifted me off the bed and took me to the couch downstairs and placed me on the couch. Wrapped a blanket around me and joined me after a good ten minute and just held me. My head was on your chest and I could hear the controlled breathing while you wrapped your arms around me and held me close. I did not dare to move either. Your hands moved to my face, which was warm… I could hear you sigh and you turned me towards you and looked me in the eyes. I could not hold your gaze. You lifted my chin up until I saw you and kissed me on the forehead.
“What am I going to do with you? What were thinking? And now the fever is back. Do you like worrying me?”
I did not answer.
“Answer me”, you said.
“No, I do not like worrying you.”
“what were you thinking when you walked out of the house?”
“I had to, I love the rain.”
“You could wait until you were better. I never stopped you from getting wet.”
“But I was bored sitting in the house!”, I pouted.
You talked as though I am your little kid, tried reasoning and the guilt that held me was overwhelming.
“Once more and I would not be this quiet”, was all you said and hugged me. I know that things are alright now, but just to test the waters, I had to be sure.
“What would you do?”, I asked, with a tiny smile on my face and a glint in my eye.
“That, you would better not find out”, you said, with a sloppy smile and kissed me.
Well, now, I have done it and I can’t find out, what you would do! I hate a mystery. Perhaps, I shall try it when you are here again. what say?
With this impish thought, I got up and sneezed my way through the day. Did I hear a grunt? Well, you need to come down here first… :P. Just let me know before you start, so that I can book a ticket to Bahamas or Arctic ;).
Little memories, even the not so good ones, light a heart, right? If I am not around to put you on your toes, you would be bored. I hope you are glad that the little imp (as you call it) is in me, to keep your day happy and mysterious. Else, you would be bored! Once in a while, you need to remind me if you are glad that you have me in your life or no! Been a long time…
Waiting for your call... as much as I dread it, I still have to hear your voice and know that you are OK...
~With love,
Your Imp
------------------------------------------------------
My Dearest,
How would I begin with, when I know that the very reason for this letter is the cause of my distress? I miss you terribly. And nothing can be done about it. Last night, it was our anniversary. You called me and we spoke for sometime, but for some reason the emptiness of the house (I can’t call it home, when you aren’t around!) got into me.
Do you miss me too? Perhaps you do, else you would not call me every day! What do you miss the most? Me or being around with me? As I fondly reminisced my favourite moments with you, I fell asleep on the couch with a smile on my face and woke up with an ache in my neck :D. I know, I cannot take care of myself! Well, I ask, one tiny thing that is to take care of me. Is that so wrong? Of course not! And if you aren’t around, there is no one to take care of me. Can’t help if I am sick, can I? Another thing to consider among the million things that are to be considered, when you plan on going alone, to some place without me.
It rained in the morning. Now you know what would happen, right? Though I can sense your anger across the miles, you really should NOT be angry with me. Too bad, you cannot do something about it. Well… you got to understand that I did not plan on it. I dressed up for the weather – that is, with the rain coat and got out for a walk. Well, I could have said, grocery, at least, I am being truthful, cut me some slack when you call tomorrow! The cool air and the drizzle called my name, I could not resist, so I opened my rain coat and got wet in the drizzle, that slowly turned into a torrent and I loved it. I know, I know, one cough or sneeze and I am in for it, but, for now, I am well, so hold on to your horses! Do you remember that time, when you caught me getting wet in the rain? I was running fever and barely recovered. Just to be on the safe side, I took the day off, but asked you to go to the office. It was raining that day and I could not resist the urge to get out and I did go out. I got drenched and the torrent from my clothes matched the rain outside. I walked into the house through the back door so as to not puddle the living room. You were in the kitchen, sipping coffee. I knew I am in for it. I did not even try looking at your face, afraid that it would be contorted with anger. I stood there, waiting and shivering. I know that the shiver was not because of the cold, for sure. You did not say a word, just helped me out of my wet clothes and pushed me into the hot shower. While I stood there, you joined me and lathered me with the shampoo… I still did not speak and neither did you. After a good ten minute shower, you switched off the tap and wrapped a huge towel, one, around me and other around you. We got out of the shower and you dried my wet hair, not uttering a single word through the five minute ordeal and then took out a few warm clothes and helped me get into them. Even now, you would not talk.
While you dressed, I mumbled an apology, which you conveniently ignored and headed down stairs, leaving me standing in the bedroom. I could not help but feel like a kid who is being punished. The guilt of having you worried was just unbearable. I could have joined you downstairs, but I could not face you and some how, I did not think that would be appreciated. So I waited around, not moving an inch, not daring to make a sound, when all I want to do was cuddle up in your arms and cry. After a good twenty minutes, you came up with a cup of hot chocolate and a sandwich and kept it on the bed. You sat on the bed and beckoned me towards you. I sat beside you and you gave me the hot chocolate. I looked into your eyes and apologized. You just looked at me.
“Not one word out of you, until I am ready to talk. Is that clear?”, is what you said.
My eyes filled up with tears. Normally, that would suffice to get into your embrace, but not that day. You did not even try and wipe my tears away. Just pushed my hand holding the cup to my mouth. I drank it, slowly, wondering how long it would be, before you would talk. After about half of the cup was done, you pushed the sandwich towards me. I did not want to eat it, so pushed it away. You slapped my hand and brought the sandwich closer to my mouth and glared at me, daring me to say a no. I do not push your buttons often and I did not dare to do it then. Your voice, just your controlled voice is sufficient to make my spine tingle. And I have never seen you so angry in the three years of our marriage and the couple of years before that, when we dated. I ate half of it and leaned to take the hot chocolate. You let me have a sip, before pushing it aside and feeding me the sandwich. After a horrendous twenty minute of food, you lifted me off the bed and took me to the couch downstairs and placed me on the couch. Wrapped a blanket around me and joined me after a good ten minute and just held me. My head was on your chest and I could hear the controlled breathing while you wrapped your arms around me and held me close. I did not dare to move either. Your hands moved to my face, which was warm… I could hear you sigh and you turned me towards you and looked me in the eyes. I could not hold your gaze. You lifted my chin up until I saw you and kissed me on the forehead.
“What am I going to do with you? What were thinking? And now the fever is back. Do you like worrying me?”
I did not answer.
“Answer me”, you said.
“No, I do not like worrying you.”
“what were you thinking when you walked out of the house?”
“I had to, I love the rain.”
“You could wait until you were better. I never stopped you from getting wet.”
“But I was bored sitting in the house!”, I pouted.
You talked as though I am your little kid, tried reasoning and the guilt that held me was overwhelming.
“Once more and I would not be this quiet”, was all you said and hugged me. I know that things are alright now, but just to test the waters, I had to be sure.
“What would you do?”, I asked, with a tiny smile on my face and a glint in my eye.
“That, you would better not find out”, you said, with a sloppy smile and kissed me.
Well, now, I have done it and I can’t find out, what you would do! I hate a mystery. Perhaps, I shall try it when you are here again. what say?
With this impish thought, I got up and sneezed my way through the day. Did I hear a grunt? Well, you need to come down here first… :P. Just let me know before you start, so that I can book a ticket to Bahamas or Arctic ;).
Little memories, even the not so good ones, light a heart, right? If I am not around to put you on your toes, you would be bored. I hope you are glad that the little imp (as you call it) is in me, to keep your day happy and mysterious. Else, you would be bored! Once in a while, you need to remind me if you are glad that you have me in your life or no! Been a long time…
Waiting for your call... as much as I dread it, I still have to hear your voice and know that you are OK...
~With love,
Your Imp
Nov 13, 2009
A moment frozen forever
Why are certain days, a pinnacle of celebration? Despite the trying times and unspoken eons – certain things stick in life. Providence? May be not. They are there, for they mean something…
Sometimes your cold shoulder feels like lead in my heart,
Yet, I know, I can’t be far from you…
Not, when you breathe and live,
Your breath a whisper in the air that only I can hear…
Years may count for nothing,
When everything falls apart,
Yet, there was a time,
When “we” were a world in ourselves…
Are we still there?
Days bygone, magic melted,
Smiles frozen, heart gone cold,
So, where do we stand?
I woke with a smile today. Don’t know why and I look at the date, as I realize, wow, today is special! A moment frozen forever in the casket of my memory.
Sometimes your cold shoulder feels like lead in my heart,
Yet, I know, I can’t be far from you…
Not, when you breathe and live,
Your breath a whisper in the air that only I can hear…
Years may count for nothing,
When everything falls apart,
Yet, there was a time,
When “we” were a world in ourselves…
Are we still there?
Days bygone, magic melted,
Smiles frozen, heart gone cold,
So, where do we stand?
I woke with a smile today. Don’t know why and I look at the date, as I realize, wow, today is special! A moment frozen forever in the casket of my memory.
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