Random Thoughts

DISCLAIMER: This is a fictional story. All the characters are fictional. The incident itself is a creation. Any resemblance to people or to the situations in the real world, is purely coincidental. ------------------------------------------------------ The clock ticked, changing seconds to minutes. The constant motion of the clock seems to be slower than the usual, yet she knows that it was her impatience that stretched the time and tested her endurance. As she stood tapping her foot on the pavement of the platform, she recalled the day that went back a year. “Good luck Shashank. I would miss you”, she smiled. The simplicity of the words spoke everything that was left unsaid. The perplexity of what would happen with time, or the unwarranted pang of insecurity that popped in her heart, had no justification. They were friends from childhood and a couple of years of distance should be a piece of cake, particularly with his voice being just a call away. But, the tremor in her ...

The longing in my heart seems to redefine yearning, to seek you, to see you, to feel you, to know that you are real. The cadence of my fingers on your angelic face, stroking every crease and curve, surreal, but true, you are real! The whispered lullabies, that put me to sleep, dreamless and content, with me in your arms, the unspoken words of love and the spoken promises, endearing and sparkling, Oh, why, do I wonder, if all this were true? Perhaps, because the alluring radiance of you, Is mystifying as it is absurd…

- seals the series for India at the Eden! OK.. So that, is how it is done! With calculated, merciless dominance. Impressed, would be too little a word and astounded would make it a dream. I saw our team, take on a moderate score and tear it apart. To say that, there was not an instance, where there was a chance that Srilanka could win, speaks everything!!! 315 runs, by far - a decent score and phew!!! It was easy! Or, it was made to look easy by the brilliant performance of Gambhir and Kohli. I am pleasantly surprised at the class displayed by Kohli. Gambhir is an established senior, but, Kohli is still finding his bearings and it was so relieving to see a talented individual make himself count. Starting with a commendable opening bowling and finishing with such finesse, it just left me feeling fulfilled. Completely! Looking at them bat away with a calm, composed and collective way, oh man, it takes some doing to forget this match! And the bowling, was it not a refresher to see the...

It is that difficult night, where eyes refuse to droop and thoughts whirl around in the air and the flashes of memory are painful and disturbing. It is that difficult night, where the concept of pain holds no meaning. It is inevitable and it is awaited. As it approaches, the sane mind blocks it and wakes me up, fights the sleep and effectively promises a sleepless night. The charms or the prayers, don’t often work and while the prayer that leaves the heart, whispers soothing verses, calming the mind, the sleep deprivation lasts. Walking through the urban jungle and lost in the concrete walls, I run through the blocks, hoping for a ray of light, a promise, a hope. The moon shines brightly, but I stand alone, scared and out of breath, searching, waiting. I run again, tripping and rising, limping and bleeding and I run again. I seem to run and run, to no where in particular, in the night and through the obstacles. Is there an end to it? is there a path somewhere? Do I know where I am goin...

Team India with the Jaypee Cup, Mumbai, India vs Srilanka, 2009 I am inspired. I am euphoric. I am brilliantly happy. India is the best in the world test cricket and that is no small achievement. The journey started under the realm of Sourav, cannot quite forget the team that started believing in themselves and moved forward. And now, under an unassuming captain, Mahendra Singh Dhoni, the dream is fulfilled. “We need to maintain it.” I cannot even think of the number of years I have yearned to see our team beat the best of the best and stand top of the world. When I started watching cricket, 1996 World cup against Pakistan in Bangalore, where I learnt about cricket overnight, I have to say, I had lesser dreams of the team, but when I saw India in England in the 1999 tour, that is when I started believing in something more than just cricket. That is when cricket ceased being “just cricket” and became an inspiration to me. Every run scored and every wicket taken and every run saved, ...

... just need to know what that miracle is, to realize that it did happen or pray for it to happen!!! Deep inside the enchanted forest lies magic, the magic of miracles. That is where knights find their princesses! Deep inside the magical forest, lies an enchanted tree whose branches reach the sky and in the cloud that hovers above this tree, lies a land that changes every day (Enid Blyton ofcourse!!). And then, there are wanderers roaming these forests, some find love, some find bravery, but one who survives the charm finds a warrior… If life is like an enchanted forest, each day charming its way through the lives of knights, princesses, dreamers, wanderers, warriors alive in us, who would I want to be? Tough question! I want to be a princess, enthralled by an alluring knight. I want to be a wanderer, exploring the path, being absorbed into the captivities it holds, as it unravels. I want to be a warrior, unafraid and strong. But, truly, am I not a dreamer, in that I wish to be a pri...

DISCLAIMER: This is a fictional story. All the characters are fictional. The incident itself is a creation. Any resemblance to people or to the situations in the real world, is purely coincidental. ------------------------------------------------------ My Dearest, How would I begin with, when I know that the very reason for this letter is the cause of my distress? I miss you terribly. And nothing can be done about it. Last night, it was our anniversary. You called me and we spoke for sometime, but for some reason the emptiness of the house (I can’t call it home, when you aren’t around!) got into me. Do you miss me too? Perhaps you do, else you would not call me every day! What do you miss the most? Me or being around with me? As I fondly reminisced my favourite moments with you, I fell asleep on the couch with a smile on my face and woke up with an ache in my neck :D. I know, I cannot take care of myself! Well, I ask, one tiny thing that is to take care of me. Is that so wrong?...

Why are certain days, a pinnacle of celebration? Despite the trying times and unspoken eons – certain things stick in life. Providence? May be not. They are there, for they mean something… Sometimes your cold shoulder feels like lead in my heart, Yet, I know, I can’t be far from you… Not, when you breathe and live, Your breath a whisper in the air that only I can hear… Years may count for nothing, When everything falls apart, Yet, there was a time, When “we” were a world in ourselves… Are we still there? Days bygone, magic melted, Smiles frozen, heart gone cold, So, where do we stand? I woke with a smile today. Don’t know why and I look at the date, as I realize, wow, today is special! A moment frozen forever in the casket of my memory.

I have been thinking… What is progress? Who defines this progress? Why should one progress? Why do we need goals? Why do we need accolades? Why do we need career graphs? Why do we need personal milestones? Why do we need a vision? Statistics and History, both say that “WINNERS” had vision, goals and made progress to achieve their personal milestones and the accolades were showered on them for their progress. But who are winners? Are they the people who are claimed winners by the society? Are they the people who are in the history books, whose stories I had to study during school? Or are they those, who I stumbled upon in the library to quench my thirst of reading books? Then, what about the numerous others who succeeded but did not lay a claim to the big apple of fame and what about all those who fought valiantly in the face of defeat and still stood their ground, even though they fought for a lost cause? Who decides who a winner is? Just because few had a chance to showcase their name...

I opened a closed chamber today, To confront the demons I held in that, I know, it IS time… I traversed this path many a time, I know the end and as the dusk approaches, I have a journey to make, a longer journey, Into the depths of the night and into the shadows of the past, Off to the delusions of the world that is mine and mine alone… A knife in plain view, the end, painless and swift… The fork in the road and the paths detached, The forlorn thoughts and the myriad tears, Together we traverse, yet alone in our paths, Into the depths and into the cataclysms, I hear you no more, Not in the rhythm of my heart, Not in the need of my breath, I am there for you, no more, Not in the curves of your body at the dusk, Not in the lyrical hum of your heart in the morning… Alone and breathing, two hearts as one, Farewell, dear one, my heart in yours, forever more to keep or throw, I journey alone, through the Gates of Mordor… The first step I take, seals my f...

Things that keep us aloof, keep me alive, Things that keep me alive, keep me alone. Should I forgo the aloofness or the loneliness? Which is more dear and which is more near?

There is a sense of impending doom hanging around as a life balances thinly in the clutches of despair. In these situations, even a tiny hope might help a person retain the faith in the almighty, but I have a reason to challenge his games today! Clutching to the last straw of hope, I ask of him to help us retain the trust in him, at least my trust in him. Somehow, couple of years have been trying and I cannot stand another let down from his side at all. “Life stops for no one and when it does, nothing else matters”, was posted as a comment on my post recently, by a very dear friend. And how true could she get!!! I do not open my heart and wail that this cannot be happening to me, but I do wail, sometimes openly and sometimes inside for reasons unknown and it is one of those trying moments where I need to be strong for people round me, even at the behest of coming out as cold hearted. But that matters little, when things slide down a pit hole and one is in a desperate need of rope to da...

Life’s roads are travelled by one and many, yet few make choices that seem to take them to much darker places, with the teasing glory an arm’s length away. Few waver and few fumble, but there are a few, who walk through the road, undeterred by the cataclysm that might strike them in an unseen future and few, fumble in the last step and give up. Yet, each life is an experience to learn from, every step taken either forward or backward is a foothold for a fellow comrade. Along these paths, we meet people, with different perceptions and different facets, each intriguing and few disheartening. That providence meet can last an impression so strong that it might eventually change the path in which one traverses and few are disheartening that the foot steps fumble along the way. Its like a maze, each step has a million routes to take, a step in one direction can change the future and perhaps a step in another direction might bring you in a full circle and you are where you started, only, with...

When a person is in a negative frame of mind, anything and everything that happens around that person tends to contribute to the negative emotions in that person. This means that, even though the random act of kindness which would have been considered positive, tend to turn out to be frustrating aspects to that person. Like, if I am in a negative frame of mind and my sister, lets out an off hand comment that the dress I was wearing was not great, I might tend to let it pass if I was in a normal mood, but, since I was in a negative frame of mind, I tend to judge that she was being critical of me. This happens more often than not. For that matter, if she goes that extra mile and tends to make me a cup of coffee, I tend to look out for a reason to see why she is being nice and if by chance she asks me what is the time, I know that she made me this cup of coffee to ask me the time. (I know, I am being ridiculous here, but, then, I am just trying to say that the positive deeds that tend to ...

Good Will Hunting is about “Will Hunting”, a genius math whiz, played by Matt Damon and how he overcomes his fear of abandonment and curbs his defence to move forward in life and how Sean, his shrink, played by Robin Williams , helps him in doing that. The actors enact their roles perfectly and I have to say that, perhaps this is the movie that gave Matt Damon a standing for what he is today!! Working as a janitor in the prestigious college of MIT, Will solves a difficult problem that was posted on the college board for the students by the Math professor, field Medalist Gerald Lambeau , played by Stellan Skarsgard , as a challenge for his students to complete by the end of the semester. When the professor calls for a meeting to appreciate the student who solves the problem, he is surprised that no one claims for their hard work. He posts another problem that took his colleagues over two years to solve and he by chance spots a janitor writing something on that board. When he shoos aw...

I am ridiculously looking forward to the Ganesh Chaturdi. Been a long time since I looked forward to something and it comes as a refreshing wave to have something to look forward to. He is trusted to stop the obstacles in their way at his very thought and since I want to start on a fresh chapter in my life, (no wedding bells, yet, before someone would ask!!!, just the general belief coincidentally: When you fall flat and have no where to go, look above and help will be there), I think, tomorrow would be the best day to start it. Wish me luck people!!! Today has been one of those days, where I started off pretty well and all of a sudden went down for some unknown reason. I went to office, (no, my manager is not killing me, YET, but probably WILL, sometime in the future ) and had no mood to work, tried doing it for about three hours before I gave up knowing that, what would take an hour, would take a day, with the mood I was in, so went out. Books are probably the only things that conne...

I have been listening to this song since morning and I cannot get around the part of Lonely I'm Mr Lonely, I have nobody, For my owwnnn I'm so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely I have nobody, For my owwnnn I'm so lonely,.. I don’t know who sung this part in the song, but the bit is simply catchy. Rest of the song is good too… but then, what exactly is that voice or what is that sort of singing called? :) Lonely I'm Mr Lonely, I have nobody, For my owwnnn I'm so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely I have nobody, For my owwnnn I'm so lonely, Yo, this one here, goes out to all my playas out there ya kno got that one good girl whose always been there like ya Kno took all the bullshit then one day she cant take it no more and decides to leave I woke up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her, I was Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, ...

Love aaj kal – kind of gave me mixed feelings. Leaving out the direction, the songs and even the story, the theme was good enough for me. Few of the dialogues in the movie were simply superb and the contrast in the love of the previous generation and this generation was aptly portrayed, but, the conclusion that love shall remain was a bit of an off to the theme perhaps. If the movie is talking about two people practical enough to make wise decisions, it also shows that those practical decisions are not worth it, for at the end of the day, once their ambitions or the practicalities are stripped bare, then, eventually the loneliness creeps in and causes a mess that none would be too happy to deal with. The movie is about two people who fall in love with each other in London. The typical “today’s” love that starts with coffee and ends with a “good bye – can’t commit” sort. Meera (Deepika Padukone) and Jai (Saif Ali Khan) walk into this relation, which would be called dating. They walk aro...

Hmmm. Thank you for all the warm souls who cared enough to give me a call and find out what the heck is wrong with me and this post is exclusively for them. Like a cool breeze that gives in a spurt of free air in the midst of a hot summer, the beauty sleep in its regal self visited me last night and I slept for a damn straight 12 hours. I slept at 9:10 and woke up at 8:45 today morning with absolutely no thought to spare in my mind and I am glad that I got this sleep. I never knew I missed it :). So, the first thing I am doing is post this, to share my happiness. And my mind better be in form today, else I shall sue it for non-cooperation!!! Have a bright day ahead….

A few years ago, Some Day: “Daddy!!! I want to be a star!” “Why?” “Stars twinkle, stars are bright and stars make me smile.” “OK.” Another Day: “Dad! I will be a teacher!” “Why?” “I don’t have to do homework.” “OK” Some Another day: “Dad! I will be a pilot.” (SIGH – inaudibly) “Why?” “Because I can fly!!” Smiles, “OK”. As days passed, these conversations of ‘I will be’, became distant. I wonder if he still waits around to see me walking into the room, filled with conviction, saying, “Dad, I will..., because of so and so”. With coming up of age and the convictions becoming more pronounced, the “I will”, became, “I want” and the will to do something transformed to a want of nothing! I wonder if he still awaits this incessant change of heart of a young kid, his young kid. Does he know that his little girl still remains his little girl and will forever remain like that, no matter what I would be or where I would be? Does he wish that I remained a little kid who slept on his belly or cuddle...

I have a big problem. I can’t sleep. I just cannot. I am tired of sleeping, perhaps, but can any human be tired of sleep? I suppose not, which brings a most basic question, what am I, if not human! The last I slept fitfully was last Thursday and since then, I had four hours of sleep, including the weekend. Can anyone try and explain me the reason why I cannot sleep? I see the time and it is four, sometimes five and I literally force myself to close my eyes and sleep, else I would have a horrendous day at office, but no, my mind refuses to tire and my eyes refuse to relax. It is not like I am not tired, I am, but sleep just eludes me and if you ask, what the heck am I doing at that hour, unable to sleep, well, I try my best to sleep and if it isn’t working, I roam around the house for a few minutes and then stand in the balcony and then open a book. I cannot concentrate, so I leave it and plug in my ipod. I perhaps should have had all the songs by-hearted by now, but then, I am no singe...

DISCLAIMER: This is a fictional story. All the characters are fictional. The incident itself is a creation. Any resemblance to people or to the situations in the real world, is purely coincidental. ------------------------------------------------------- She sat on the window sill, holding a knife in her hands and looking out of the window. A tear glided down her eyes. He looked at her from the opposite house. He stared at her intently, his face contorted with anger. He wants to rip him to pieces with his bare hands, but he knew he would not commit himself to it, not while she cared enough to drop a tear for him, not while she cared enough to hurt herself beyond endurance loving him. One day she might outgrow that and that day, he would kill him, even if it would damn him to eternity. But until that day, he will have to sustain the pain her anguish brought to his heart, until that day, he will have to silently will her to live, for her survival is a prerequisite to his existence....

Dreams are the interpretations of one’s subconscious mind. What we keep thinking through and through, transforms into a dream and creates a dejavu experience. But, then, at the end of the day, the point is, they are the product of the thoughts in one’s mind. But, we cannot control these subconscious thoughts any more than we can control the flow of air! So, I wonder, would it be a futile attempt to control one’s life beyond a given day, for, if we cannot control a simple thought that originates in our mind, how can we control the time that is beyond anyone’s control? And how can we control life that seems to be proportional to time, in that it ages through time with little clarity as to what it would be tomorrow! And how can one aspire to control someone else’s emotions or feelings, when one cannot control their own thoughts? It is one of those days, where thoughts just rip through your mind and one of those days you end up feeling totally hideous… I cannot seem to stop thinking, thoug...