Disclaimer: The below thoughts are not intended for any one in particular. The thoughts are what I feel one should uphold. While I am no expert in life, I do form opinions. So the below thoughts are MY opinions on what should be. They are not a biblical research, but a life study of little exposure I have through life.
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I have been thinking, which everyone who read this blog would know, is a very dangerous thing. I was thinking: what would I say, if I have to form a premise for relation, we call love. Everyday, I see friends, family, strangers, all of them wrapped in love and some of them, struggle through it and some of them, just let that be. Below are what I think, I would ask myself, in a relation. I feel it is a continual process and is not done in a day or two or a year. Every day or every few days, one will have to ask themselves these questions, to know and understand what needs to be done. Like all choices, nothing ever is a walk in the park!
My first premise for love - being happy. Does it make you happy? The again, when you are getting to know a stranger, every little revelation is a bliss in the monotonous life. It is like a little drop of personal heaven, because the person let you in, to be a part of little nuances that shaped him or her. Do you make your lover happy? It is important to read beneath the words that are said. Because, most of the time, we say white lies. But the body language betrays those white lies. So, do you understand what is spoken beneath those words. Do you honestly make the person happy? Beneath all the flowery words and chocolaty hearts, is there a genuine warmth in the smiles you get? Does your heart flutter when you see the smile? Is the happiness mutual? Does it spread?
My second premise - friends. Are you both friends? Can you discuss anything under the sun without a thought about your lover's reaction? Can you share your most embarrassing secret and KNOW that you won't be judged? Can you trust your lover to know when you need silence and when you need babble? Can you share your happiness, knowing that it will be doubled because you shared? Or does it leave you unfulfilled and wanting more? Can you share your sadness, knowing that your love understands all that was unsaid and will hold you through tears? Does your love make you feel like the most important thing in life, and that anything will have to get past him or her to touch you? Can you lie on bed and prattle about sweet nothings and smile and share a laugh? Do your troubles pull you and your lover away or make you stand united and face the trouble?
My third premise - priorities in life. What is the most important thing to you, in life? Do you have a priority list? Are you willing to compromise on few of those priorities, if you go forward in that relation? What are you willing to compromise? If you are willing to compromise, why is it even important? If you are unwilling to compromise, do you think your love can support you and do what all is necessary to ensure that the things important to you are in your reach, at all times? Did you have a heart-to-heart? Are you sure your love would support you, without a semblance of doubt in your heart? Is there an inner voice harbouring its shield? Do you understand what your lover expects of you? If and when you decide to take the next step of sharing your life with your lover, do you understand what it takes to get that relation working? Yes, relation is work. It is not a 8 to 5 job and it does not pay in money. It is a 24 X 7 job and it pays in smiles, tears, despair and anger. Do you think you can handle all that and still sustain your love?
My fourth premise - identity. Are you still you? Love changes people. But there is this centre core that made us who we are - the values that made that someone notice you and cherish you. So, while you are in love and are cherishing the moments in it, are you changing as a person? Do you realize that change? Is that something that is making you happy? Do you think, you can look in a mirror, a few years from now and notice that the person in the mirror is not a husk of you, but still you?
My fifth premise - surprises. How do you handle a surprise thrown at you? How does your lover handle the surprise thrown at him or her? Be it a surprise birthday party or a surprise of life altering events? Can you roll with it? Because, one can never prepare enough for life. It has its way of throwing you off balance and sometimes, that off balance can be nasty truths.
My last premise - miles. Have you seen enough miles of life to formulate your life's ideals? Do you have experience to pick the reins of your life and move through the miles alone, if need be? Yes, it is important to KNOW that you can live life without that seemingly important person in life. Sometimes, you just have to accept that, despite everything, two people can never be compatible enough to smooth all the rough rides of life. But, when you share a bumpy ride with your love, some times, even the best days seem a distant memory. When that happens, can you pick your life and not look back and realize, OUCH, I have been a happy fool!
I do realize, that there is a lot of YOU in the above statements. I personally think that, you are YOU, be it in a relation or alone. Love should be an extension of you. Something that can embrace you in its warmth on a chilly day or walk along side you on a beautiful sunny day or be an umbrella on a rainy day. It should make you feel special. Because, if you are not you, then you are not you. I do not know, how else to put it. Changes are inevitable, as each experience today, shapes our tomorrow. But, being in love, should make that process enriching and easier. Since, for every aspect of life, there are two filters, one you and other, your lover. If it gets tough, it should still be enriching. Else, it is time to think of all the premises and make a choice.
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