What can you do??

Well, been upset most of the time these days and nothing seems to help me gain perspective. The thing about being disappointed, particularly by the people you care about is not an easy thing to digest. But more importantly, if you let down the people you love, it is even more difficult to tolerate, right?

Sometimes when things turn sour, the after taste lasts for a life time. The cross roads that seem to forever be the choices I hold in life, sometimes are just the roads I do not want to take. Some times I am too used to the roads I am traversing that I do not want to get out and explore another path. And then I realize I am stagnant, unmoving and lost. I buckle up and rush through to realize the last ship has left the shore. Then I squirm and wiggle and swim across, fighting for survival and I succeed and I know I will succeed too. The worst part is all these could be avoided with a little pro-activeness on my part.

My thoughts are currently unnerving and even a bit confusing. Sitting with myself usually helps, but this time it seems like I want to just curl up and let it go.

I was doing some back ground on suicide, depression, not an easy thing to do, particularly to read stuff like that. The curious mind in me always pesters to find the reasons and the logic behind every action. Somehow, if there is no logic, the reason seems to be invalid for me and I wondered why do people contemplate suicide? I mean, thinking about the people who care for them should suffice in not going through with the thought right? I don’t know nor can I ever understand. It takes a lot of strength to willingly rip open the hearts of all those people who care for them, but they are called cowards, for they choose to die than to stand and fight. Now I need to know, if it is not courage that gave them the strength to go through that idea, what is it? Foolishness? But how can one term it like that? I mean, whatever trauma they are undergoing could only push them to an alternative that they could bear, for their threshold has crossed and they cannot take it any more. Now, should I call these people cowards or courageous? Should I empathize with them or should I hate them? What drives people to choose an alternative that is painful and difficult? More importantly, what could you do to stop them from thinking on those lines?

Yes, life is harsh and it is not easy. It is especially difficult at times, but there are people out there who care for you, who love you, who need you. Stop for a moment and think. Yes, not all can be achieved, yet the disappointment is a way of life to show that it is not a bright day every day. But every incident is precious, that leaves a mark deep enough to recall when in need of it. Good, bad, cruel – whatever they are or however they are, they are mere things that may or may not be the outcome of your actions. But you are the one who is responsible for it. Face the damn consequences and be done with it. If it haunts you back, at least you know that it is your choices that left you wherever you are!!!

There is no reason for these thoughts, just one thing lead to another and then to another and finally a way of jotting things down…