And here she was, staring at her reflection of her once regal self. If she thought her life would be here, five years ago, she would have ridiculed the thought. Now that the gambit has been thrown, she could not help but feel as a failure, of being useless. Life, while never being perfectly synchronized to the tunes of one’s desires, sure as hell cannot throw a curve ball so far off the tangent, that she not only missed it, but also was completely bowled over in a way that had her hurting in ways that could not be put in words. Love, the bane of very existence, the boon of very existence, in its twisted form, raised its mocking head, to snap her backbone in the most painless way possible. The drug did not just take her spine out, it took her will. It deformed her, slowly. And now, when she looked at herself in the mirror, she saw nothing - not even a reflection of her self, not a shadow of her soul and certainly not even a reflection of solidity in front of it. For all she could see...
There are a lot of things going on in my head right now. All this resentment at being chained is growing in me, to the extent where it threatens to consume me. When things are fine, all these feelings are in a back burner, but at the slightest ripple, all these feelings surface, as a bubbling tornado and every time its as though they never went away. I can feel the blood rumbling, I can feel my eyes threatening to overflow, I can feel the anger in me ready to engulf everything around me. Yet, yet, I need to hold everything in. Life has to be simple, yet we complicate it, with people we surround ourselves with. I mean, even if we live on an island, we cannot really escape people, can we? Family, friends, relations, strangers - all are people, ready to pounce on us, rub their emotions on us and basically just willing to complicate our life. We cannot shut them out, nor can we let them in. Ask, talk, feel, shout, scream, wallow, cry - how many emotions and for what? Who gives a f**k about...