Random Thoughts

Who are you, you who mock me with the proprietary of ownership? Who are you, you who ask of me, that thing that I cannot yield? Who are you, you who ask of me to walk the path? I wonder, who you are, you who ask me, to estrange myself! Who am I, living this alter life? Not for a penny nor for peace, Yet, I live, if it can be called that, A life in the yonder, beneath the tombs of hearts. Who are you, you who whisper endearments with a whip? Who are you, you who hold me in shackles, in an iron grip? Who are you, you who put me on a pedestal, from where the land is a distant speck? Who are you, you who choke me, with my own breath? Who am I, laboring through the days, counting one and then, another, Marking myself with the welts of despair and hurt, Unable to break, unable to yield, Unable to love, unable to hate. Who are you, who am I? Dancing through the twisted paths. Strangers or friends? Neither or both, Littering the paths, with disdain. Ah, the turpitudes...

Let us walk together, you and I, on the winter evenings, under the serene sky. As the hues, orange and purple, and the sun, feisty red on the colored canvas, welcome the company of two, Let us walk, hand in hand, steps intone, breath as one. Let us walk, you and I, On the shores of sand, with the waves playing hide and seek, seagulls dancing on the waves, distant cheers and hoots, a mere whisper, as we are lost in the world of our dreams, You and I, as one. Let us walk, you and I, together, under the moon, the caress of breeze, a touch too light, as the desires ignite a fire, and passions run deep, as we embrace each other, You and I, as one. Let us whisper, you and I, the promises of love and, the whimpers of pleasure, the words of ideas, and the dreams of future, as we hold each other, You and I, as one.

Here is the thing. I am obsessed. With what? Perhaps I have to call it ‘love-ache’. There should be such a term, obviously and there should be a branch in the Medical Sciences to educate about this. There should be students queuing up to take this course. There should be hospitals that sponsor research aid for developing medications based on the stages of this love-ache. Yup, there are stages. Stage 1 : When an eye meets eye and there is this tingle in the belly. Stage 2: When the hand meets hand and the slow burn begins in the places until then unknown to human anatomy. Stage 3: When all seems great and the world looks pretty. Dude, you are on the verge of a precipice so steep, you have no idea IF you will ever land on your bum. Seriously! And for the record, the only way you will land is on your bum and that would be so hard that your breath shall take a short hiatus and you will be left choking and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Stage 4: When tears start and ques...

Pitch black! Black and black! There is that glitter, shining and beckoning. I walk towards it, closing one step in one eon, Or so it seemed. I see the flicker and then pop! Dark! Silence reverberates and darkness seizes me. I stop and thrash my hands around. Pitch black! And slowly, there is the slight flicker. I set off again, into the pale white yonder. Slippery soil, this, that which chaffed my feet, Treading on the pebbles, hurting my feet, I see the changing shades, the white, the grey, And the bright yellow sparkle. I close my eyes and see its shadow. Walking in the shadows, I close in, Through the trenches and stenches, To which that called upon its shine. I reach it and peer at it closer, Alas, it’s just a window into the world! I turn and look back, the alluring dark stares back. Hypnotizing and sensual, lustful and charming, it beckons me. I take a step towards it. The chilling cold stops me in my track. I halt and look back, The sparkling yellow ...

Who are you, invading my mind? Your whimsical charms in my hazy sleep, Turn me mellow. You torment me with your words, The seduction passionate and romantic, The charm irresistible and baffling, I am caught in the halo of your warmth, Desperate to hold onto you… Your smile, lopsided and conspicuous, The malicious glint in your eyes, Threatening and challenging, Warning of the inherent evil, Yet, your charms are golden, That melt me in your arms and The trust in you manifold, As I precariously step into your world. The stench of the past, Revolting and tumultuous, Yet, your odor, sumptuous and inviting, I walk through the labyrinth, following you. Little do I notice, the thorns in the path, And the carcasses in the corners, My eyes only for you. You turn to me, your eyes boring into me, The smile fixed and the charm on full throttle, seeking my heart, urging me to rip it out. The heart in my hands, the blood dripping through the fingers, I place it at your...

The longing in my heart seems to redefine yearning, to seek you, to see you, to feel you, to know that you are real. The cadence of my fingers on your angelic face, stroking every crease and curve, surreal, but true, you are real! The whispered lullabies, that put me to sleep, dreamless and content, with me in your arms, the unspoken words of love and the spoken promises, endearing and sparkling, Oh, why, do I wonder, if all this were true? Perhaps, because the alluring radiance of you, Is mystifying as it is absurd…

I opened a closed chamber today, To confront the demons I held in that, I know, it IS time… I traversed this path many a time, I know the end and as the dusk approaches, I have a journey to make, a longer journey, Into the depths of the night and into the shadows of the past, Off to the delusions of the world that is mine and mine alone… A knife in plain view, the end, painless and swift… The fork in the road and the paths detached, The forlorn thoughts and the myriad tears, Together we traverse, yet alone in our paths, Into the depths and into the cataclysms, I hear you no more, Not in the rhythm of my heart, Not in the need of my breath, I am there for you, no more, Not in the curves of your body at the dusk, Not in the lyrical hum of your heart in the morning… Alone and breathing, two hearts as one, Farewell, dear one, my heart in yours, forever more to keep or throw, I journey alone, through the Gates of Mordor… The first step I take, seals my f...

Things that keep us aloof, keep me alive, Things that keep me alive, keep me alone. Should I forgo the aloofness or the loneliness? Which is more dear and which is more near?

To hold and to know it makes no difference, To drop and to know it does not break, Guess I know what it is! A mass, cozy and warm! Twist it, squeeze it, It still retains its form, The print fine as new, No stain, no fringe, just perfect! In which it contained, it feels the twist, Marked and deformed, yet whole somehow! One and One, always make two, Two of its kind, make a wealth, Rich or poor, caste or creed, All rich with two of it! One of its kind, Old or young, witch or beast, God or human, all alike, Sour and sad, pay a price! What is it?

But for you, this attempt would be in vain, Yet I write to dissuade my pain! Someday you will know to overcome your fears… Someday, when all is lost and nothing remains, you will learn to be brave… Someday, when you need someone and you find yourself alone, you will know that life’s battles are always fought alone… That day, when you need someone, think of me… I promise not to be there, for I am not one to forgive… But I will ache for your attempts in vain, to reach beyond the dearth, That day, I will weep, seeing you fumble, for I chose my path!! Blissfully ignoring your chivalry, I walk ahead, A mirthless laugh, a careless word, was it worth it? It doesn’t matter! You took away from me, a thing of value, I am not above foolishness, knowing the bungle in my ways, I steer through the muddied waters, through the murk, where my doom lurks, Hell hath less fury than a scorned woman, goes the saying, I walk ahead, to the precipice and into the hell, Where I mourn me… Goodbye, my love, don’t...

Hope, an unseen angel, Despair, an unseen demon. Hand in hand, do they walk, Playing “in your shoes”, once every walk. Martyrs are born, every waking dawn, Some irrevocably, some circumstantially. Sacrifice, should one say that, Is it not a mere act of compassion? Rumbles all round, scary and dark, I see a tree shrivel, in the storm, Strike of a lightning, and the tether broken. Time moves on, A tiny leaf sprouts, And springs a tiny hope in despair, Yet a hope that it might grow into a tree it once was!

I stare right at you, I know you, I am you. But, now, I am not so sure, I somehow know the stark contrasts, You are a stranger mocking at me. Seconds tick by and the midnight approaches, I sit alone here, seeing the reflection of you, Noting the subtle changes, Those that smiles cannot hide, Is it a memory? Is it the person? What holds you there? Frozen in time, unwilling to step out? I know there is something wrong, I can’t put a finger at it, I just know it.

I shall not bow down for a trifle… No, I shall not… Expectations can be high… But dreams, cannot be questioned… If you can, help me win my dreams… If you cannot, do not sap my will, For, you are my strength, And you are my weakness… Stand beside me, as I move forward, Join, if you can and together we will tread this journey. But, do not stop me, For my destiny beckons me, I need to go … I NEED to go… I cannot explain this need, This basic need in me… I cannot … I dream to soar, Hold me not, lest I should fall, If, I should fall, embrace me and heal my wound, To help me soar again and again, Until the dream is true, For, I won’t rest, until it is true. I dream to soar, If I should fall and break myself, I will piece the lump again, and run I will run to embrace the destiny, For that destiny is my dream… My dream that will be true, One day, some day… A friend beside, can make this chase beautiful, Don’t be a friend and my foe, please… The challenge is more, and I need a friend not a foe…...

The definite face, with an indefinite thought… Low murmurs and caressed hair, Long since bygone… Smile of the heart, kiss of the soul, Sparkles of the past… Today, I think of the silence, Not of comfort or of peace, With a definite face and Indefinite thought… Tomorrow is a new day, Smiles will return, Sparkles will return too, For a friend can never be a foe, And a fiend can never be a friend, Fiend and foe can touch my life, But a smile and a friend touch my soul… With a definite face and Indefinite thought, I smile at a reflection, Of thought and mind… In the mirror – called life! With a zeal for a new hope, I soar high and above, To touch the happiness, Future holds … With a definite trust And indefinite hope…

Trust is an unseen hope… Can I trust? Why should I? After all that was done and said, I was wrong and you were right, or so you say! Why should I? Breach is not just of a word, For that very word is what held us, Qualms of mind echo the qualms of heart, Qualms and qualms, to fetter and deter, So, why should I?

Soaring the heights I am a giant, Treading with poise, Through the spheres of life… Tumbling down the mountains I am an inferno, Treading with tepidity, Through the spheres of life… Whirling past the trees I am a storm, Treading with haste, Through the spheres of life… Fighting through the rocks, I am a stream, Treading with persistence, Through the spheres of life…

I am a morning’s ray, fresh and welcoming… For you, I am the radiance you wish to close your eyes on… I am a night’s romance, sensuous and aesthetic, For you, I am bondage, loathsome and lustful… I am the warmth, cosy and comfortable For you, I am the heat, excruciating and overpowering… I am a winter breeze, fulfilling and dreamy… For you, I am the chill that freezes you cold… I am the rain, fresh and welcoming, For you, I am the cloud, gloomy and depressing… I am a rose, sweet and loving, For you I am a thorn, piercing your heart… I am a leaf, green and sensitive, For you, I am a dried leaf… to be trampled and broken to pieces – never to be mended again… I am the wave, roaring and soaring, For you, I am an ocean – uncontrolled and huge…. I am hope, life and vigour, For you, I am the despair, you wish to forget!

Long time since I saw you… Missed you or… did I miss you? Think a call can change a thing? Forget the past and walk anew? Where were you, when I needed you? (I was beside you, you could not see!!!) Where were YOU when I needed you? (I am inside you, you could not feel!!!) This is it! I cannot take it anymore! Then, let us part our ways, why walk together? And thus began a journey… into oblivion!

I don’t have tears to hold back I knew it a while ago, This is not to be the dream I wanted… Here I stand... in the aftermath, hunting a meaning… Hell, this is not what I want But, this is it… the end… Nothing more to do… I say no more… I smile and I smile… A smile for nothing A smile at nothing…

I wish, I were your eyes, I would understand you much better… I wish, I were your nose, I would breathe-in your favorite scents… I wish, I were your heart, I could be your life… I wish, I were your feet, I would tag along with you, times immortal I wish, I were your tear, I could die on your lips... I wish, I were your smile... I could stretch to your eyes and chase away your grief… I wish, I were your voice, I could forever murmur in your heart… murmurs of love I wish, I were your whisper, I would forever whisper… whispers of hope I wish, I were your memory, I could stay forever in your heart... I wish, I were your deepest desire, I would engulf you in an eternal bond… I wish, I were your triumph, I would glow as your pride… I wish, I were your failure, I would make you strong… I wish, I were your hope, I would never let you down… I wish, I were your fire, I would burn your weakness… Alas, I am not any ...