“Not all screams are out of terror,
Not all the tears are of pain,
Not all the smiles are of joy…”
and so started my thoughts in the middle of the night. That is one of my major talents, to wake up in the middle of the night, however exhausted, to jot down a line that seems to tickle my over-sensitive brain. Pain and pleasure, walk hand in hand or so it seems. To the moment of bliss and to the moment in hell, pleasure leads to pain and pain leads to salvation – is this form of pleasure? If the salvation is the journey to a netherland, then, perhaps it is, but who can guarantee that the journey on the other side of life is fascinating or easy, if there exists such a life? The tantalizing hope keeps playing hide and seek, as the fortune cookie tries to give me a kind word. The pessimistic heart never stops to warn the impending possibility of disaster, while the practical mind seeks peace in finding alternatives, while the exhausted body wants to scream – not out of terror – just because it feels like it. However, all I can do right now is to seek serenity in the cesspool of my thoughts which make no sense, none what so ever.
The journey to paradise is through the twists and turns of a never ending uphill, but who guarantees that the paradise is devoid of the treacherous paths, once reached? Perhaps it has harder ones, those that DEMAND life. But, then, when I am hell bent on reaching paradise and the beyond matters little, why scratch the itch of understanding the beyond? When I walk through the doors of paradise, the loneliness I feel is something that is unavoidable. Despite the musical hums of the wind and the fiery breath of the golden dragons, the fairy tale land, however intriguing holds little charm. Unless I safeguard it with my will, I might lose my way and be lost in the whirlpool of crevices. Yet, I choose to walk through. Is that insanity? Well, may be! But why do mountaineers climb the mountains? Even though the climb to the peak is daunting and a wrong foot hold can be fatal, would they stop? If they did, would we have someone who can lay claim to conquer Mount Everest? Despite the challenges and the difficulties, when passion rules heart and mind, the journey and the difficulties go hand in hand. So, may be, insanity is not so bad, if it is ruled by choice! I lie awake in the night, hoping to make sense of the insanity, only to draw such obvious conclusion!
