A moment frozen forever

Why are certain days, a pinnacle of celebration? Despite the trying times and unspoken eons – certain things stick in life. Providence? May be not. They are there, for they mean something…

Sometimes your cold shoulder feels like lead in my heart,
Yet, I know, I can’t be far from you…
Not, when you breathe and live,
Your breath a whisper in the air that only I can hear…

Years may count for nothing,
When everything falls apart,
Yet, there was a time,
When “we” were a world in ourselves…

Are we still there?
Days bygone, magic melted,
Smiles frozen, heart gone cold,
So, where do we stand?

I woke with a smile today. Don’t know why and I look at the date, as I realize, wow, today is special! A moment frozen forever in the casket of my memory.

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Atonement - Ian McEwan

Atonement – true to its meaning, is about the atonement of the protagonist Briony Tallis. It splendidly portrays the perceptions of a thirteen year old child and the subsequent consequences of her preconceived notions and the aftermath that changes her life and the life of her sister Cecilia’s and the life of her sister's beloved, Robbie Turner’s.

The novel starts of with Briony’s attempt to write a play, Trials of Arabella, for her brother Leon, whom she adores. The characters in the play would be played by her cousins – Lola, and her twin brothers - Jackson and Pierrot. So absorbed was she in her play, that she failed the basic courtesy of enquiring if any of her cousins were tired of the long journey they had to make. But as the rehearsals take shape, she has a sinking feeling about the play, as her cousins enact the characters lifelessly. To let lose her frustration, she chooses to stay alone in her room.

Cecilia, just completed her college in Cambridge and is trying to think about her future. She walks out into the garden holding a vase filled with flowers, to fill it with water, where she notices her childhood friend, Robbie Turner, gardening. She loiters a little longer, wondering how to proceed further towards the fountain. For some unfathomable reason, she was often awkward in his presence. Though they studied in the same college, they hardly had any communication and whatever little communication they had, it was filled with discomfited moments. Robbie, too, could not quite understand why he was tongue tied in front of her. In an attempt to make a conversation, Cecilia speaks first. In the follow up that leads to a strange intensity of tension between them, Robbie offers to fill in the vase with water, for which she refuses. When Robbie, true to his male ego, tries to take the vase from her hand, Cecilia, holds to it in an attempt to ward him off and in the pointless struggle that follows, the vase is broken, part of which falls into the fountain. Cecilia, saying that he was an idiot, strips in front of him to retrieve the broken vase. Robbie, stunned by her actions, gapes at her. After she retrieves the vase and puts on her clothes, the ridiculousness of the situation hits her, and she runs back to the house, embarrassed. Robbie looks at the water, touching it, trying to steady his heart beat and looking to check if there are any more pieces of the vase left in the fountain. Unknown to them both, Briony, who watches this incident is stunned to see her sister stand half naked. The situation from her bedroom window, looks like Robbie was threatening Cecilia, and as the scene unfolds, it makes little sense to her.

On his way back to his home, Robbie meets Leon and his friend Paul Marshall. Leon, invites him home for dinner. When Cecilia knows about this, she is irritated, but for reasons she could not quite comprehend. Robbie, on the other hand, though worried about the irritation of Cecilia, could not quite say a “no” to the invitation. In the comfort of his home, as he was thinking about the incident that unfolded near the fountain, he started to compose a letter to her, to apologize for his behavior.

While going for the dinner, with his letter in hand, he notices Briony in the field and calls out to her. He asks if she minds delivering a letter to Cecilia personally. Briony takes the letter and runs back home, and locking the door behind her, opens it and is aghast at the words! Robbie on the other hand, realizes that the letter he composed to Cecilia, the formal note of apology, was still on his desk and that the improper words, those that should never have left his fantasy, were in the letter he handed to Briony. He unsuccessfully calls out for her and realizes that it was too late!

Briony, though gives the letter to Cecilia, is shocked and in tears and in desperate need of counsel and she speaks her mind to Lola, who happens to say that Robbie is a maniac. The thirteen year old kid in Briony takes that word too seriously and is determined to save her sister. Cecilia, after reading the letter, though, clearly understands her feelings towards Robbie.

When the door bell rings, she answers and finds Robbie, who is embarrassed and who apologizes for the inappropriateness of the letter.

"The anticipation and dread he felt at seeing her was also a kind of sensual pleasure, and surrounding it, like an embrace, was a general elation - it might hurt, it was horribly inconvenient, no good might come of it, but he had found out for himself what it was to be in love, and it thrilled him."

Cecilia draws him into the library, where she confronts her feelings for him and they make out in the library, against the book racks. The transformation she feels in her and in him, somehow, changes the dynamics between them and she realizes, then, that something beautiful has happened and it changed the way they perceived each other!

"Nothing as singular or as important had happened since the day of his birth. She returned his gaze, struck by the sense of her own transformation, and overwhelmed by the beauty in a face which a lifetime's habit had taught her to ignore. She whispered his name with the deliberation of a child trying out the distinct sounds. When he replied with her name, it sounded like a new word - the syllables remained the same, the meaning was different. Finally he spoke the three simple words that no amount of bad art or bad faith can ever quite cheapen. She repeated them, with exactly the same emphasis on the second word, as if she had been the one to say them first. He had no religious belief, but it was impossible not to think of an invisible presence or witness in the room, and that these words spoken aloud were like signatures on an unseen contract."

Briony, walks into the library, hearing the noise and afraid for her sister thinking that Robbie is physically abusing her and is shocked to notice them in that state.

In the dinner that follows, with the obvious tension between him and Cecilia, and Briony’s clear hatred (mutual hatred, I dare say :D) for him, he sits uncomfortably, thinking about eloping with his sweetheart after dinner. During dinner, the twins, unhappy about their stay and confinement, run away from the house. While the entire family starts searching for them, Leon and Cecilia as a pair, Robbie and Briony set out on their paths, alone, to find the twins. Briony, suddenly notices her cousin Lola, strangled by a man and is shocked to notice them. Lola, was in no position to say who it was, Briony on the other hand, convinces herself that the person was Robbie. In the events that lead to the investigation, she gives her witness that she saw Robbie holding Lola down and as a further proof of Robbie’s perverseness, hands the letter he wrote to Cecilia to the investigators.

Not knowing the drama that unfolded, Robbie returns with the twins and is immediately arrested for abusing Lola. Cecilia is the only one, who trusts him and says that she would wait for him and what happened between them was their little secret.

Thus, the perception of Briony changes the life of her sister. And in the events that follow, one is left wondering, if only, Briony could have understood the love or, if only, the events unfolded as they should have, but, alas, they did happen in a certain sequence and the melodrama that follows, touches the reader. And as Briony, completely grasps the meaning of what she had done, on that fateful day, that changed the lives of three people, she asks for atonement from her sister, a good eight years later.

The novel has beautiful passages, splendidly written, which reach out to the reader and perhaps, the following statement from an adult Briony, serves for an apt conclusion to this post:
"Every secret of the body was rendered up -- bone risen through flesh, sacrilegious glimpses of an intestine or an optic nerve. From this new and intimate perspective, she learned a simple, obvious thing she had always known, and everyone knew: that a person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn, not easily mended."

… certain things can never be mended and however sincere an apology is, there can never be a complete retribution and above all, time that is lost can never come back, nor can the dreams of the young man, who aspired to do medicine and who is confined to the army, not with dignity and honour attributed to a soldier, but with a choice between jail and army.

Ian McEwan does a fantastic job with his characters and the prose just brings to life, even the dullest of routines. The novel is rich in its prose and the command of the author is not lost on the reader. It paints a world and draws the characters to perfection and the reader, is there, in the novel, witnessing the events as they unfold. The beauty of a novel is in portraying the magnitude of the place and environment to the reader’s eyes and though it is largely left to the reader to imagine the surrounding, Ian McEwan simplifies the process of imagination by bringing in vivid details that cling to the reader and portrays a picture as he perceives it to be! Not an easy task!!!

Lovely book, easy to read and very touchy!! Not easy to put down, once one starts it and absolutely irresistible.

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The Other Boleyn Girl - Philippa Gregory

Even as the days pass by, the beauty of the history is that it never tires one… This novel is a brilliant effort to bring in a piece of history without any lullabies in between. I can only imagine the effort it must have taken, to put in a novel of this magnitude, in one piece, considering the astounding amount of information that is available, with fewer facts. But, leaving aside the history, the novel takes us back to the 16th century English court, to the times when men ruled (not that they do NOT have a say now!) both in the house and outside (:D), where marriage is about family connections and way to move forward, where mistresses are common, especially if the person is wealthy and the love between siblings is certainly a little more closer for comfort… and more importantly, it is about the “Boleyn Girl” (Anne) who is ambitious in that she wants to be the “Queen of England” and how the family supports her ambition and revels in her success and leaves her alone when everything shatters round her, told from another Boleyn girl’s (Mary) perspective. The novel, though a rendition of history, has everything to make it a story that is captivating. It has – passion, rivalry, love, ambition, greed, scandal, incest, murder, lies and a little more. I am not sure if all the incidents did happen, or if this novel is a historical fiction, but I would say this much – the novel is a page turner, either you are reading it or thinking about it, it is as simple as that!

The author has done a splendid job in bringing out the contrasts in the characters and the vivid details of the societal imbalances. And the prose is beautiful, to keep one going till the end.

Mary Boleyn, was fourteen when she first came to the kings court as a lady in waiting, in an attempt to draw king’s attention away from Catherine, the queen of England, who fails give the king, a male heir. In a more complex scheme, devised by her uncle and supported by the Boleyn family, Mary is merely a pawn and they will stop at nothing, to reach the heights of fame, fortune and glory. Anne is brought into the court along with Mary, to entrance the king and keep his eyes on Mary. George, their brother, will stop at nothing, to ensure that his sisters are in the eyes of the king at all times. When the king and Mary elope and Mary is carrying his child, he showers her with gifts and a rare passion, but, Anne has a mind of her own and draws the king to her, through her flirtations and charms and teases him and pleases him at the same time, manipulating him by the click of her fingers, yet deliberately making him yearn for her. The wicked mind games of Anne eventually force Mary out of king’s way. Though Mary does love the king, she understands that she merely is a pawn in the bigger scheme of the things and that, her role in the court as a king’s mistress ended as the king is now interested only in Anne. Mary gives birth to a boy, yet, fails to please the king any longer, hence failing in the main plan. And, Anne, has everything to play for, now that the king is dancing to her tune and that is exactly what she does. She plays a hard game that eats her away from the inside, yet, she never stops, that is the power of ambition, that she moves forward and upward, but in the nights, in the confines of her room, seeks the comfort of the solitude or her sister or brother, to hold the king to her.

The story progresses to show how Anne raises and how, despite her success, she is unhappy. On the other side, it shows the contentment in Mary, when she finds a husband in William Stafford, who is willing to stand for her and father her children, along with her. Though she has no riches of the court, she is happy to be a farmer’s wife, though, not for once, forgetting that she is a Boleyn and that the family priorities will always come first. And when it did come to stand up for her family, her husband stands by her and supports her.

When Anne is carrying the king's child in her womb, Mary is called to the court to be the lady in waiting for Anne. When Anne gives birth to a girl named Elizabeth, the king is displeased. And the other children that Anne carries are still born. And there comes the full circle, with king losing interest in Anne and moving out with another mistress, Lady Seymour. With her dream threatening to be shattered, Anne is carrying again and is on the verge of losing everything. But when she gives birth to a monster – still born, she loses everything, including her family. In the scandal that follows, she is tried and charged for incest and sorcery and murder and is found guilty on all charges and is beheaded. George, who helps her in every step of her way, is charged with adultery and for assisting Anne in sorcery against the king and is found guilty.

Thus, the fall of Anne Boleyn. But she did leave an heir, not a male heir, but a beautiful girl, Elizabeth, who went on to rule England and start the Elizabethan era!!!

(Hmpf! Even men wiser than me, fail to realize that the hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world :D)

Leaving the facts or the fiction of the tale, I loved the way the novel progressed. With over 500 pages, it should have had a few boring passages, but there were none. It is an easy read, captivating and irresistible. The grace with which the novel progressed is in every word as rich as its theme. Giving a taste of the earlier generation and the emotions of people and families, the whiplash does last long and does move a person! Despite all the soup that is not easily digested, it is worth picking up and sure is worth the time too!!!

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Who’s that Girl? – Alexandra Potter

Splendid! This book is insightful, funny and definitely an indulgence.

It is about Charlotte Merryweather, owner of a successful PR agency. She runs on a tight schedule and hardly has a minute to spare. At thirty two, she has everything- a steady boyfriend, a luxury house, a car and a successful enterprise. On her way to office, one day, she suddenly notices someone driving a familiar car, her old car, when she was twenty one and as she proceeds to look at the driver, she shocks herself when she sees a reflection of herself, ten years younger. She proceeds to follow her and to her dismay notices that the girl stays in her apartment, the apartment she stayed in, when she was twenty one. She was wearing the same dress, driving the same car and living in the same apartment. At a chance meeting she realizes with some fascination that her name is Charlotte! Too much of a coincidence? Well, hell, yes. And before I realize, I was caught in this web of fantastic write up that takes the story from one twenty year old girl, full of life, to thirty year old successful entrepreneur and back, with many insightful points to remember, and certainly many incidents to reflect.

Charlotte feels that this is some sort of a second chance for her life and is determined to make certain changes in her life, so as to not let certain incidents happen. With this thought, she sets out to change the twenty one year old girl and help her not do certain things, that, as she got older, realized she should not have done. But, as it turns out, she realizes that those mistakes were what made her stronger and wiser. But she also realized that, at this age, with more wisdom under her hat, she does not have answers for everything. Perhaps, she needs to address few issues in her life first. And as this realization hits home, there certainly are few surprises for her…

“Who’s that girl?” is certainly a life every woman would want to live, but more importantly, it also points out many things that could slide down, when one stops realizing their dreams and starts compromising. Mistakes can happen and mistakes make one stronger. But, when one forgets that they need to realize their dreams, there comes a point when one will have to do a little retrospection and stay silent when the inevitable question of “happiness” comes out. This is a chick-lit for sure, but I can assure that this book is for everyone. It holds a mirror to one’s life and forces one to reflect their paths chosen.

I could not keep down the book, it is a  page turner, with its ease of writing and it certainly is entertaining!!!

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Questions and questions!!!

I have been thinking…
What is progress? Who defines this progress? Why should one progress? Why do we need goals? Why do we need accolades? Why do we need career graphs? Why do we need personal milestones? Why do we need a vision?

Statistics and History, both say that “WINNERS” had vision, goals and made progress to achieve their personal milestones and the accolades were showered on them for their progress. But who are winners? Are they the people who are claimed winners by the society? Are they the people who are in the history books, whose stories I had to study during school? Or are they those, who I stumbled upon in the library to quench my thirst of reading books? Then, what about the numerous others who succeeded but did not lay a claim to the big apple of fame and what about all those who fought valiantly in the face of defeat and still stood their ground, even though they fought for a lost cause? Who decides who a winner is? Just because few had a chance to showcase their name in the history books, does not mean that they alone are winners and just because there is a common belief that, they who have fame and power are successful, does not mean they are successful.

Is it not “we” who give a voice to the society? Is it not “us” who speak the majority of opinion? But, then, if every one follows a group blindly, because it is the common ground, who is leading that pack? Is this why we do not have leaders any more? If everyone is happy to lead a life of a second hander, eventually bullying the people with the awareness of these second-handers into treason, what is the society coming to? Being aware and forced to act on would be an excuse, but how can one face this faceless hypocrisy? How can one fight this formless inhumanity? When the society frowns upon the use of profanity in PUBLIC and sheds a tear for a blast or a tornado or a hurricane, why then, that collective society cannot join hands to bring in a sense of integrity to their thoughts? Like a pack of herd, we move through the roads of the jungle, not once stopping to think, if that is really what one wants. We progress, without actually knowing why we want to progress. We set a goal, but why do we set that goal? What is sense of achievement? What is pride in oneself all about?

On the other hand, society is basically the common group we live in, which changes from place to place and day to day and hence, their common beliefs change from moment to moment, at whim. When that “society” itself does not have integrity in terms of thought or voice, why should one care a damn about this society, eventually chipping off the little integrity that one holds? If this society is supposed to be discarded, then, why are near ones dear? Are they not part of that society, whose thoughts are influenced by what people think and say? Then, if the society should not be cared for, should one not care for all those who mean something to them? Perhaps this is an exception! But that exception can also be a compromise. But, how can one hide behind this compromise, always, for the foolishness of their decisions or choices? Or how can one make an excuse of compromise or be martyr when it makes little sense? Who are these people who take a piece of you with every step you take, just because they lay a claim that they are near?

I think, all boils down to the fact that, there is no middle way to live life. If one wants to compromise, whatever be the reason, they slip into the charade of living life by the demands of the people round them and they are not living their life. So, why should one live such a life? If they do not compromise, the aloofness would be treated as indifference, which would mean that these people SHOULD be changed, as they are not the ideal people to live with. One can accept sympathy, compromise and sacrifice, but one cannot accept individuality, independence, both in terms of thought and expression and one can certainly not accept integrity!!! That is the sad truth!!! The half baked ideas of independence or individuality hold no meaning to all these people and as the vigor for life slowly chips away, their job is done! But, then, if one chooses to be walking martyr for the pressure of the words or circumstances, he is held as an error for the people who want him to do otherwise and he is a victim to his own thought, neither getting peace nor solace through the people who care for him or love him. He gets sympathy, which is assumed to be love.

Either I am a cynic or have completely lost it!

But again, history and the statistics both prove that people who are considered successful are those who dared to look within themselves and trusted their inner voice to point a path and traversed that path without care or damn about this "success" concept. The very people who were condemned for the path they chose, as they went against the tide, will now be the societal icons (if they succeed) and the people who condemned them, walk around them and call themselves followers! The memory is short for the people around and just as failure is a cardinal sin, success gives an overnight fame and with fame comes the power to control the very aspect that gives this fame. (Fame is nothing but the name coined by this society we live in, right?). That is the irony! So, should one follow their path or take the highway and risk their life? Or, should one bow down and be run over by the pack and tag along, with absolutely no claim to life? How should one live? How CAN one live?


Can someone please answer??

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