What is it about a hero that makes life enriching? The long ago scriptures of battles, wars, strategies and heroes somehow leaves me quite inspired and more importantly intrigued. I wonder if I was also a hero in those wars, if they ever did happen. But then, I wouldn’t mind, if I was a mere foot soldier, who stood up for a leader worth dying for. Or perhaps, I was the ruler worth dying for! Ha, fat chance, but then, my fantasy, so, well, what the heck?
I always loved reading about battles and wars, not because of the coldness of blood or I have some perverse sense of humanity, but because they make me remember that there was a whole different world, where people lived and breathed integrity and that, there was a time when more than money, it was the values in a person that made him or her a human. To be able to stand up for the belief you held is not an easy thing and when I read about the relentless pursuit of glory in conquering a land, I feel, lucky are they that they know what they crave for and what they are dying for and it seems that they lived a life, knowing that their day in the paths of glory will surely come and they would embrace their destiny to greatness and death.
I see them in the movies, I read about them in the books and I wonder, what is it with my life? It all boils down to that, right? Great battles are fought with a team of people who trust each other and are lead by warriors who believe in their team. The strategies are formed with the core strengths in mind and the team that stands united, makes their weakness fade into the shade as the embrace of their brothers and sisters enfolds them into their core strength and that is how a battle is won and the brothers and sisters are hailed as warriors, leaving the path of inspiration to people to dwell and aspire.
History speaks volumes on battles, warriors, queens, kings and above all, of the millions of soldiers who lost their lives for their loved ones. And to think that we are living in the times where love is a treason and that betrayal is as casual as salt in the ocean! Yet, here I sit, wondering if I can ever live a life, worth living and worth dying! Here I sit, wondering if there will ever be one story that will be ebbed in the heart of at least one soul when I rest in peace. I crave not for glory, but for one heart that would hold and embrace mine. I crave not for love, but for compassion. I crave not for lust, but for the trust. I crave not for words, but for integrity. I crave not for a companion, but for a friend. And yes, I crave to be a hero, to embrace the paths of history, to know I am living a life, worth dying, else, I have just filled a space on this earth that would be better supplied when I have made it empty!
Jul 27, 2009
Jul 17, 2009
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - Movie Review
Harry Potter and Half Blood Prince - and wow, just for the thrill of seeing it on the first day on the big screen, though the 3-D is for the name sake.
Anyway, when I first read Harry Potter, I remember that I completed the six books in two days and two nights and it was still a year to go before the seventh one was to be released and I could hardly contain the excitement of touching the book and yes, I pre-ordered it the moment it was on sale and I think I got a good deal too, though I was ripped off on the game DVD that was promised along with it, but what the heck, it is Harry Potter and I watched Order of Phoenix the next day on the first day and man, was I thrilled to sit amongst all those fans waiting anxiously. If I thought the Harry Potter and Order of Phoenix was good, well, half blood prince, exclusively for its cinematography was splendid.
I could hardly restrain myself from standing in the queue in the theatre, knowing that it was still thirty minutes for the opening time and there was no one to even start examining the tickets, I just could not stop myself. My friend, Puri, has her first date with Harry Potter and she was not excited and I, on the other hand did have an experience, yet I could not just sit there, waiting for them to open. “Whether you enter first or last, the movie starts only at five, why don’t you chill?”, was what she said. Tsk! Harry Potter, was all I said.
Well, the drag of the tickets went and we got our 3D glasses and the most funniest thing was the guy who made some announcement about the use of 3D glasses and that got me laughing, well a good sign. Barely in control of my excitement as the names scrolled, I put on my 3-D glasses and man, was it an opening I saw there, oh, well, yes, I did and it was splendid. The dark forces reigning their power on the muggle (human) world and the “chosen one” who has a chance to put a halt to it, was immersed in a news paper in a cafe in the subway station, trying to impress a waitress and ask her out for a date, when he gazes at the flickering light across the station and realizes he has no time for cool ladies. Well, well, there stands Dumbledore, his elegant self, impressing upon the need to hurry in order to save the world and poor Harry was left to hold the hands of an aging old man than that of a cute chick! Ah, the wicked ways of fate!
The movie pretty much progressed in accordance with the book when Prof. Slughorn was asked to join the Hogwarts school and the first quidditch match when Ron Weasley performs brilliantly. The movie portrays the adrenaline rush of teenage hormones, of the intimacy and the frustrations of intimacy, which kind of seems to be a bit funny, since the world is literally at the mercy of these wizards who seem to be caught in the rush of puberty and associated feelings. Hermoine’s performance as a heart stricken teenager was commendable. Harry has always been the people guy and deceptively quiet for the challenges he poses and seems to have a better way of controlling his emotions when he is caught up in the feelings he has for Ginni, his best friend, Ron's sister.
Potions, the subject that has been a nightmare to Harry turns out to be a subject he seems to have mastered this year at Hogwarts without the help of Felix Felicis or the Luck potion, thanks to the book of the half blood prince, which turns out to be more than just a potions text book, teaching Harry new spells to counter his enemies. The unexpected turn of events allows Harry to take potions class and the first student who can make the Draught of the Living Dead drink will win a tiny vial of Felix Felicis, which, thanks to the half blood prince will be won by Harry Potter which plays a monumental role in the later part of the movie.
He also has private lessons with Prof. Dumbledore and goes down the memory lane to find ways of bringing Voldemort down. Pensieve impressed me when I first read about it and it does not stop making me feel that I wish I had a way of taking out bits and pieces of my memories and evaluate them as a bystander. Well, never mind! One such vital piece of information is a conversation between Prof. Slughorn and his favourite student, Tom Riddle (Voldemort), which professor Slughorn refuses to give Dumbledore. Now, Harry is assigned the task of retrieving this crucial information from Slughorn himself.
The way Harry goes about retrieving the information forms the important part of the movie and well, that’s about it. The movie left me for the want of more. There are quite a few things that are missed in the movie and more importantly the life of Tom Riddle was still left as a puzzle, as opposed to the book, which gives a peep into the character of Tom Riddle. There are a lot of memories that are missed in the movie. That Harry was left unpunished when he uses an illegal curse on Malfoy was not a good idea. The second quidditch match was left out. The funeral of Dumbledore was left out. I was wondering if all these will be part of the next two movies, but somehow the movie left out a lot of connecting pieces, for instance, about the horcruxes. How did Voldemort choose them? How will Harry know how to find those horcruxes? I wonder how it will lead into the next film, with Harry just knowing that Voldemort has split his soul and not knowing the number or count or having any idea as to how to go about them, without the guidance of Dumbledore.
If I leave the technicalities aside, the performance of the artists was brilliant. The ending to me was personally disappointing, tampering with the way the book was written. I mean, c’mon, Harry is not the one to stand aside when someone is getting hurt, least of all, when it is Dumbledore and to even conceive the thought that he would stand as a spectator is so unlike Harry that the book shows us to be. Harry is compassionate, courageous and above all ethical and I was seriously disappointed when he just gapes from below at the exchange and the climax. The innovativeness might be appreciated if it enhances the core of the character, not when the very essence of the character is tampered with.
Leaving all that aside, Harry Potter and half blood prince comes out as a teen romance flick than a fantasy flick, sad to say, but true. Disappointing for the audience who read the book, but then again, books do not have a time frame and so, the book makes a lot more sense. But then a picture is worth thousand words, so if a thousand words make a scene, for a movie of two and half hours without a break should definitely give a fair chance at taking the movie as an original rendition of the novel.
But don’t let me disappoint any of you who wishes to see Harry Potter, it is well worth it, for the visual affects and the cast performance and more importantly for the sake of brilliant cinematography.
Anyway, when I first read Harry Potter, I remember that I completed the six books in two days and two nights and it was still a year to go before the seventh one was to be released and I could hardly contain the excitement of touching the book and yes, I pre-ordered it the moment it was on sale and I think I got a good deal too, though I was ripped off on the game DVD that was promised along with it, but what the heck, it is Harry Potter and I watched Order of Phoenix the next day on the first day and man, was I thrilled to sit amongst all those fans waiting anxiously. If I thought the Harry Potter and Order of Phoenix was good, well, half blood prince, exclusively for its cinematography was splendid.
I could hardly restrain myself from standing in the queue in the theatre, knowing that it was still thirty minutes for the opening time and there was no one to even start examining the tickets, I just could not stop myself. My friend, Puri, has her first date with Harry Potter and she was not excited and I, on the other hand did have an experience, yet I could not just sit there, waiting for them to open. “Whether you enter first or last, the movie starts only at five, why don’t you chill?”, was what she said. Tsk! Harry Potter, was all I said.
Well, the drag of the tickets went and we got our 3D glasses and the most funniest thing was the guy who made some announcement about the use of 3D glasses and that got me laughing, well a good sign. Barely in control of my excitement as the names scrolled, I put on my 3-D glasses and man, was it an opening I saw there, oh, well, yes, I did and it was splendid. The dark forces reigning their power on the muggle (human) world and the “chosen one” who has a chance to put a halt to it, was immersed in a news paper in a cafe in the subway station, trying to impress a waitress and ask her out for a date, when he gazes at the flickering light across the station and realizes he has no time for cool ladies. Well, well, there stands Dumbledore, his elegant self, impressing upon the need to hurry in order to save the world and poor Harry was left to hold the hands of an aging old man than that of a cute chick! Ah, the wicked ways of fate!
The movie pretty much progressed in accordance with the book when Prof. Slughorn was asked to join the Hogwarts school and the first quidditch match when Ron Weasley performs brilliantly. The movie portrays the adrenaline rush of teenage hormones, of the intimacy and the frustrations of intimacy, which kind of seems to be a bit funny, since the world is literally at the mercy of these wizards who seem to be caught in the rush of puberty and associated feelings. Hermoine’s performance as a heart stricken teenager was commendable. Harry has always been the people guy and deceptively quiet for the challenges he poses and seems to have a better way of controlling his emotions when he is caught up in the feelings he has for Ginni, his best friend, Ron's sister.
Potions, the subject that has been a nightmare to Harry turns out to be a subject he seems to have mastered this year at Hogwarts without the help of Felix Felicis or the Luck potion, thanks to the book of the half blood prince, which turns out to be more than just a potions text book, teaching Harry new spells to counter his enemies. The unexpected turn of events allows Harry to take potions class and the first student who can make the Draught of the Living Dead drink will win a tiny vial of Felix Felicis, which, thanks to the half blood prince will be won by Harry Potter which plays a monumental role in the later part of the movie.
He also has private lessons with Prof. Dumbledore and goes down the memory lane to find ways of bringing Voldemort down. Pensieve impressed me when I first read about it and it does not stop making me feel that I wish I had a way of taking out bits and pieces of my memories and evaluate them as a bystander. Well, never mind! One such vital piece of information is a conversation between Prof. Slughorn and his favourite student, Tom Riddle (Voldemort), which professor Slughorn refuses to give Dumbledore. Now, Harry is assigned the task of retrieving this crucial information from Slughorn himself.
The way Harry goes about retrieving the information forms the important part of the movie and well, that’s about it. The movie left me for the want of more. There are quite a few things that are missed in the movie and more importantly the life of Tom Riddle was still left as a puzzle, as opposed to the book, which gives a peep into the character of Tom Riddle. There are a lot of memories that are missed in the movie. That Harry was left unpunished when he uses an illegal curse on Malfoy was not a good idea. The second quidditch match was left out. The funeral of Dumbledore was left out. I was wondering if all these will be part of the next two movies, but somehow the movie left out a lot of connecting pieces, for instance, about the horcruxes. How did Voldemort choose them? How will Harry know how to find those horcruxes? I wonder how it will lead into the next film, with Harry just knowing that Voldemort has split his soul and not knowing the number or count or having any idea as to how to go about them, without the guidance of Dumbledore.
If I leave the technicalities aside, the performance of the artists was brilliant. The ending to me was personally disappointing, tampering with the way the book was written. I mean, c’mon, Harry is not the one to stand aside when someone is getting hurt, least of all, when it is Dumbledore and to even conceive the thought that he would stand as a spectator is so unlike Harry that the book shows us to be. Harry is compassionate, courageous and above all ethical and I was seriously disappointed when he just gapes from below at the exchange and the climax. The innovativeness might be appreciated if it enhances the core of the character, not when the very essence of the character is tampered with.
Leaving all that aside, Harry Potter and half blood prince comes out as a teen romance flick than a fantasy flick, sad to say, but true. Disappointing for the audience who read the book, but then again, books do not have a time frame and so, the book makes a lot more sense. But then a picture is worth thousand words, so if a thousand words make a scene, for a movie of two and half hours without a break should definitely give a fair chance at taking the movie as an original rendition of the novel.
But don’t let me disappoint any of you who wishes to see Harry Potter, it is well worth it, for the visual affects and the cast performance and more importantly for the sake of brilliant cinematography.
Jul 12, 2009
Double Surprise...
DISCLAIMER: This is a fictional story. All the characters are fictional. The incident itself is a creation. Any resemblance to people or to the situations in the real world, is purely coincidental.
“I have been so worried. You could at least call”, she said as he opened the door looking slightly flustered.
“I am sorry”, he said, hugging her and whispered, “but, you just got in here, right?”
She flushed slowly and damn, this man can read her like a radar, she thought, wondering how in the blue hell he knew about it.
“Shall we get going? We don’t want to be late”, he said in a soft tone and leaned in and said, “We can have a tiff about how I know it when we get back”, and smiled.
“Don’t you want to fresh up?”, she asked, slightly frowning at his appearance, not because he was not looking the part of the crowd that they will join soon, but because he was wearing a neat white shirt that he liked rather than the blue one she presented this morning.
“We will be late by the time we got home and I don’t want that to happen”, he said.
She pouted slightly. They got out the door and he walked to the car opening the passenger door for her, while she locked their home behind him. She slid easily into the seat, still trying to hide her disappointment.
It was his birthday and he was treating her with dinner in the most expensive suburb in their neighbourhood, not because it was customary, but because he knew she loved long drives, particularly on occasions and this was an occasion she marked as the most important of their lives. A birthday is a celebration of life and every year we get closer to the end, we should celebrate it more, was her theory, not that she required a reason! But he celebrated it because, at the closure of his “celebration” is the beginning of hers, a symphony by Gods own hands, masterfully crafted, blending the two souls together into the celebration of love and life.
He knew that she was slightly disappointed, but that is something he would deal with, later. He switched on the music and while the car progressed smoothly he glanced sideways - yup, she was still disappointed. His lips curved slightly and knowing any moment now she would turn her face to see him, he composed a more sober face and concentrated on the drive.
Surely she did turn to look at him and said, “Did I see a glance and a smile?”.
It always amazed him that she caught on his pretence or glance and unlike him, she stared openly at him. Well, obvious, she was not the one driving the car!
“Did you?”, he said with a slight frown.
She rolled her eyes and looked out of her window. He smiled again.
“And again. What is so funny?”, she said, still staring out of the window.
“Are you pouting by chance?”, he said unable to hide his smile this time as she turned to face him.
“Why would I?”, she countered.
“Well… anyway, we are just round the corner. Smile darling, it suits you better than the frown. Remember that today is about a celebration?”, he teased her.
She checked herself in the mirror, while he pulled into the valet parking.
“Go into the restaurant, I will join you shortly”, he said, his tone indicating he would not want to have an argument. She raised an eyebrow at him, hesitated a second and got down and walked in to the restaurant and settled comfortably in their reserved table. The view from this table was particularly splendid. She looked around noticing the setting and was brimming with pride at the thought of the surprise on his way as he walked into the place. He would be wondering how they got this most sought out table and how the restaurant that had a long waiting list was a little vacant and the theme which was always warm is now slightly more flirtatious, with scented candles and more romantic lighting.
“Hello there, I see that we get a nice view.” She was startled at the soft voice behind her and looked around.
Surprise, surprise, he was wearing a different shirt, the one she presented him and he looked just perfect, with the warmth in his eyes and the smile rolling off his lips.
“I see we did”, she said, signalling to the waiter. For a change he ordered for them today. She raised her eyebrows appraisingly and smiled.
“Well, isn’t the mood just right to be romantic?” he stage whispered. He looked around, noticing that they were secluded and away from the usual humdrum of the place and was sure she was behind this and he did not want to even think about the money that would have exchanged hands, but then, he just cannot stop her, if she got her mind to it.
“Isn’t it a little too quiet?”, he said as he noticed the beginning of a soft music behind and stopped for a second as the music played on. His eyes widened in surprise and he looked at her.
“Do you like it?”, she asked.
He still gaped at her open mouthed. His wife’s voice filled the room, softly, bringing in a wave of joy. The chords echoed and as he was rendered speechless, “For you, my love, I walk through rags or riches.. but you do know that, right? So, let me surprise you with something you do not know. This song is dedicated to you”, her voice came over the music and the song continued. He looked at her and she smiled, “Happy Birthday!”
The waiter approached with their order and noticed that he was her brother, Mark, and looked even more surprised.
“Happy Birthday”, he said and at his look of surprise, “I work part time here, for today.” As he opened the dishes to reveal a course different from the order, he just said, “Well, enjoy the surprise sir. I hope the delicacies will suit your taste, if not, there is a complaint book, right there”, pointing to the open book at the next table. He was still speechless and said nothing. Mark gave her the tape and left quietly. Mark worked here as a head chef before he moved out to start his own chain of hotels, two years ago, which she helped finance. She could feel the pride in her, as she looked at his retreating figure.
As they enjoyed the lavish spread of sumptuous dinner, their conversation slid into more comforting topics and in the end he got up to write a complimentary note to the chef. But before he proceeded further, he took his wife into this arms and said, “thank you, my love.” He walked to the next table, and was about to take the pen out of his pocket when he looked at the table more closely. The book was actually a very thin cheese cake, with a wink on it. He turned around and just stared at her, “did you?” and she just smiled. She was glad that the surprise turned out perfect.
“The dinner……”
“Well, except for the place, which you reserved for, sir, you need to pay me with more than a huge tip if you enjoyed your dinner”, she said.
He lifted her into his arms and kissed her and said, “I will, I promise” and kissed her again. He put her down, cut the cake and as it melted in his mouth, he thanked the heaven for more than just his lovely wife. As he glanced at his watch and noticed that it was close to eleven, he said, “Cheque please..”, with a grin.
“Oh .. well”, she said, leaning into him and smiling into his eyes, “What about a slow dance?”, she said.
“Long drive home and with the food in my tummy, I don’t think I will be good with the dance tonight, hon. How about when we get home, I pay twice the cheque and thrice the tip?”
She hid her disappointment as she bent down to pick her coat and the tape.
“You better”, she said in a mock threat.
As they drove home, he rolled the roof top of their car, knowing she loved the breeze.
“I don’t know what and how you pulled it off, I hope it is not on my credit card”, he teased her.
“Well, you never know…”, she said. “Thank you, Mark”, she thought. Mark owned a fifty percent share in this hotel, which he acquired recently, and that was why she could have her way today.
“I love you, do you know that?”, he said.
“Do you? I never realized..”, she said widening her eyes feigning surprise…
He smiled and looked out of his window with a wicked grin on his face.
As they pulled into the drive way, instead of stopping in front of the house as he usually did to let her out, he drove straight to the garage. They got out of the car and she was even more surprised when he walked her to the door that leads to the back yard. She opened the door and stared with eyes huge at the scene in front of her.
The clock ticked twelve and he walked along side her, “Happy Birthday, honey”, he said, pulling her into the back yard.
It was filled with snow, the fence was lit with lights, a small house that looked like it was made of snow was in the centre of the back yard. She walked quietly to it staring intently at it. It was beautiful. She touched it, and was shocked as it sung, “surprise!!” and pulled her hand away. He walked behind her and slowly took her hand again and made her remove the roof of the house. She looked in and noticed it was actually replicating a house completely, like a 3D blue print. It looked like a model house, with cars in the garage, sofas in the living room, utilities in the kitchen, queen size bed in the bedroom on the first floor and there was something on the bed. She stared in disbelief and wrapped her hands around it.
“Is this?”, she could not complete the sentence as tears brimmed her eyes and she looked at him.
“Yes”, he said simply.
“You did not, you did not…”
“Yes again, for you and for our future together”, he said.
“Oh My God, Rob, you are just brilliant, thank you”, she choked.
“I take it that you like it”, he said.
“I love it”, she said and hugged him tighter.
Now she knew how he knew that she just paced ten minutes in the living room before he walked in. He was working in the back yard, on this surprise. He knew she loved the snow and created a mini island of snow for her, even though the temperature could be turned a few degrees lower to create the right atmosphere for the ambience, but he ensured it would not, knowing that she loved the snow, but it would not be good for her throat, with her performance just a week from today. He just knew the way to her heart, this man, and she loved him with all her life, knowing that he loves her too….
“Where is it?”
“Oh, just round the corner and we will go see it in the morning and I am sure you will love it, but now, we will go and look into the small matter of your lie earlier in the evening and my promise of the tips, shall we?”, as he took her into his arms, and lifting her off her feet and kissing her. Hmm.. looks like a long night…
He dropped her on their bed and came out to take the model house back into their house. He was an architect and he worked hard on this project, late into the night for almost a month before he could formulate the plan in his mind when he bought the plot downtown, a half hour drive from this place and he dedicated every spare minute of his, to get the plan into action. After ten months of solid effort, not just for getting the construction done by hiring separate contractors to get the job done, but he pulled the impossible off - he kept it quiet from his love.
“I love the model house, is this what you were working on all this year, burning midnight oil?”, she asked as he came into the bedroom.
He just smiled and sealed further questions by lowering himself onto the bed, and sealing her lips.
She woke up the next morning, content and spent and with a smile on her face. It was raining outside, the roof bore a hole, through which there was a leak into the room. The paint was coming off the walls. She stretched her arms and looked longingly, running her hands alongside the bed and sighed…
“Well, if I have to work every single day and sing every single night, I will make this dream come true”, she vowed silently. She was nineteen going on twenty and she read Barbara Taylor Bradford’s latest release and she dreamed of her life as a novel, with a Greek God waiting to wash her off her feet sometime in the future. Well, no one will blame her as long as she fulfils those fond dreams and unlikely probabilities, but then, that is what life is all about, to pull out an impossible. When impossible itself spells “I’m Possible”, there is nothing impossible.
“Coming, Mom”, she shouted as she got out of the bed. She walked into the room dazed.
“Look at you, sleeping like a princess. Could you not stop singing in your sleep? It’s bizarre. What do you dream of every day anyway?”, her mom said.
She blushed slightly and she heard her sister whisper, “Hmm, another knight in the shining armour, I hope there was something more than just a song in there, I want to hear about it.”
Her brother walked in beside her, “look at you, turning twenty today and already flushed with the dreams of smart boys..”, causing her to grow a shade of darker red. “Happy birthday little sis, as a gift, well, we thought you would like to take an hour off from the work today. Just so you remember, your hour will be up in the next twenty minutes”, he said. She looked at the clock in horror and realized it was past their opening time and that they would be completely occupied in the next hour or so and they would need her in the kitchen as she is the cook in the family and their bakery will require her to bake those delicacies she dreamed off. She sighed as the reality sunk in.
“Happy birthday, doll”, she heard her father from the door way, noticing the small gift wrap in his hands. She smiled and said, “Thanks Dad, is that for me?” she said, walking to take the gift. She opened to find a novel, “Just rewards” and knew she was in for another knight in the shining armour tonight.
After an exhausting day in the bakery, one would think her sleep would be sound and dreamless, little did they know that a heart that wants to leap and sour can’t rest while she rests, tired and exhausted. It pushes her through her dreams to the worlds she want to reach and one day, it is the rewards of these unforgotten dreams that will help her reach the stars she dreamt of.
“Happy Birthday Meg”, she heard a soft voice. She turned and looked at Rob standing near the back door. She blushed slightly, wondering if he knew that she dreamt of their future. She recalled the surprise and realized, she did make him a cake yesterday to celebrate his birthday and it turned out to be the finest ever chocolate cake he ever had, or so he said.
“Thank you”, she said.
“Would you like to look at your gift?”, he said.
“What is it?”, her heart pounding. She thought she knew what it would be, but she wanted to be sure.
“Back here”, he walked out into the back yard and as she moved alongside him, she gave a squeal of delight. It was a small house, made of clay. The tiny craft piece was so elegant and delicate that she was worried she would break it, if she touched it. “One day, Meg”, was all he said and she knew it in her heart then, that he loved her as much as she did and that they would fulfil their dream, together.
“Well, well, one day, I sure hope that they tie the knot and sooner too”, she heard her sister saying and turned to see her family standing in the back yard, smiling broadly.
“You two love birds need more than just dreams to soar high and that ain’t coming by dreaming, but by working, so, get back to it”, she heard her brother say. Two years older to her, but he was the man in charge of their little bakery with plans of turning it into something much bigger.
Well, dreams and dreams… of all kinds, nightmares or dejavu’s, all are part of one’s life. To ward off a bad dream or to fulfil a dejavu, it takes effort and consistency. But any dream is possible, as long as one has the will to achieve it. I believe Meg and Rob have a future, bigger than her dream…
-------------------------------------------------
“I have been so worried. You could at least call”, she said as he opened the door looking slightly flustered.
“I am sorry”, he said, hugging her and whispered, “but, you just got in here, right?”
She flushed slowly and damn, this man can read her like a radar, she thought, wondering how in the blue hell he knew about it.
“Shall we get going? We don’t want to be late”, he said in a soft tone and leaned in and said, “We can have a tiff about how I know it when we get back”, and smiled.
“Don’t you want to fresh up?”, she asked, slightly frowning at his appearance, not because he was not looking the part of the crowd that they will join soon, but because he was wearing a neat white shirt that he liked rather than the blue one she presented this morning.
“We will be late by the time we got home and I don’t want that to happen”, he said.
She pouted slightly. They got out the door and he walked to the car opening the passenger door for her, while she locked their home behind him. She slid easily into the seat, still trying to hide her disappointment.
It was his birthday and he was treating her with dinner in the most expensive suburb in their neighbourhood, not because it was customary, but because he knew she loved long drives, particularly on occasions and this was an occasion she marked as the most important of their lives. A birthday is a celebration of life and every year we get closer to the end, we should celebrate it more, was her theory, not that she required a reason! But he celebrated it because, at the closure of his “celebration” is the beginning of hers, a symphony by Gods own hands, masterfully crafted, blending the two souls together into the celebration of love and life.
He knew that she was slightly disappointed, but that is something he would deal with, later. He switched on the music and while the car progressed smoothly he glanced sideways - yup, she was still disappointed. His lips curved slightly and knowing any moment now she would turn her face to see him, he composed a more sober face and concentrated on the drive.
Surely she did turn to look at him and said, “Did I see a glance and a smile?”.
It always amazed him that she caught on his pretence or glance and unlike him, she stared openly at him. Well, obvious, she was not the one driving the car!
“Did you?”, he said with a slight frown.
She rolled her eyes and looked out of her window. He smiled again.
“And again. What is so funny?”, she said, still staring out of the window.
“Are you pouting by chance?”, he said unable to hide his smile this time as she turned to face him.
“Why would I?”, she countered.
“Well… anyway, we are just round the corner. Smile darling, it suits you better than the frown. Remember that today is about a celebration?”, he teased her.
She checked herself in the mirror, while he pulled into the valet parking.
“Go into the restaurant, I will join you shortly”, he said, his tone indicating he would not want to have an argument. She raised an eyebrow at him, hesitated a second and got down and walked in to the restaurant and settled comfortably in their reserved table. The view from this table was particularly splendid. She looked around noticing the setting and was brimming with pride at the thought of the surprise on his way as he walked into the place. He would be wondering how they got this most sought out table and how the restaurant that had a long waiting list was a little vacant and the theme which was always warm is now slightly more flirtatious, with scented candles and more romantic lighting.
“Hello there, I see that we get a nice view.” She was startled at the soft voice behind her and looked around.
Surprise, surprise, he was wearing a different shirt, the one she presented him and he looked just perfect, with the warmth in his eyes and the smile rolling off his lips.
“I see we did”, she said, signalling to the waiter. For a change he ordered for them today. She raised her eyebrows appraisingly and smiled.
“Well, isn’t the mood just right to be romantic?” he stage whispered. He looked around, noticing that they were secluded and away from the usual humdrum of the place and was sure she was behind this and he did not want to even think about the money that would have exchanged hands, but then, he just cannot stop her, if she got her mind to it.
“Isn’t it a little too quiet?”, he said as he noticed the beginning of a soft music behind and stopped for a second as the music played on. His eyes widened in surprise and he looked at her.
“Do you like it?”, she asked.
He still gaped at her open mouthed. His wife’s voice filled the room, softly, bringing in a wave of joy. The chords echoed and as he was rendered speechless, “For you, my love, I walk through rags or riches.. but you do know that, right? So, let me surprise you with something you do not know. This song is dedicated to you”, her voice came over the music and the song continued. He looked at her and she smiled, “Happy Birthday!”
The waiter approached with their order and noticed that he was her brother, Mark, and looked even more surprised.
“Happy Birthday”, he said and at his look of surprise, “I work part time here, for today.” As he opened the dishes to reveal a course different from the order, he just said, “Well, enjoy the surprise sir. I hope the delicacies will suit your taste, if not, there is a complaint book, right there”, pointing to the open book at the next table. He was still speechless and said nothing. Mark gave her the tape and left quietly. Mark worked here as a head chef before he moved out to start his own chain of hotels, two years ago, which she helped finance. She could feel the pride in her, as she looked at his retreating figure.
As they enjoyed the lavish spread of sumptuous dinner, their conversation slid into more comforting topics and in the end he got up to write a complimentary note to the chef. But before he proceeded further, he took his wife into this arms and said, “thank you, my love.” He walked to the next table, and was about to take the pen out of his pocket when he looked at the table more closely. The book was actually a very thin cheese cake, with a wink on it. He turned around and just stared at her, “did you?” and she just smiled. She was glad that the surprise turned out perfect.
“The dinner……”
“Well, except for the place, which you reserved for, sir, you need to pay me with more than a huge tip if you enjoyed your dinner”, she said.
He lifted her into his arms and kissed her and said, “I will, I promise” and kissed her again. He put her down, cut the cake and as it melted in his mouth, he thanked the heaven for more than just his lovely wife. As he glanced at his watch and noticed that it was close to eleven, he said, “Cheque please..”, with a grin.
“Oh .. well”, she said, leaning into him and smiling into his eyes, “What about a slow dance?”, she said.
“Long drive home and with the food in my tummy, I don’t think I will be good with the dance tonight, hon. How about when we get home, I pay twice the cheque and thrice the tip?”
She hid her disappointment as she bent down to pick her coat and the tape.
“You better”, she said in a mock threat.
As they drove home, he rolled the roof top of their car, knowing she loved the breeze.
“I don’t know what and how you pulled it off, I hope it is not on my credit card”, he teased her.
“Well, you never know…”, she said. “Thank you, Mark”, she thought. Mark owned a fifty percent share in this hotel, which he acquired recently, and that was why she could have her way today.
“I love you, do you know that?”, he said.
“Do you? I never realized..”, she said widening her eyes feigning surprise…
He smiled and looked out of his window with a wicked grin on his face.
As they pulled into the drive way, instead of stopping in front of the house as he usually did to let her out, he drove straight to the garage. They got out of the car and she was even more surprised when he walked her to the door that leads to the back yard. She opened the door and stared with eyes huge at the scene in front of her.
The clock ticked twelve and he walked along side her, “Happy Birthday, honey”, he said, pulling her into the back yard.
It was filled with snow, the fence was lit with lights, a small house that looked like it was made of snow was in the centre of the back yard. She walked quietly to it staring intently at it. It was beautiful. She touched it, and was shocked as it sung, “surprise!!” and pulled her hand away. He walked behind her and slowly took her hand again and made her remove the roof of the house. She looked in and noticed it was actually replicating a house completely, like a 3D blue print. It looked like a model house, with cars in the garage, sofas in the living room, utilities in the kitchen, queen size bed in the bedroom on the first floor and there was something on the bed. She stared in disbelief and wrapped her hands around it.
“Is this?”, she could not complete the sentence as tears brimmed her eyes and she looked at him.
“Yes”, he said simply.
“You did not, you did not…”
“Yes again, for you and for our future together”, he said.
“Oh My God, Rob, you are just brilliant, thank you”, she choked.
“I take it that you like it”, he said.
“I love it”, she said and hugged him tighter.
Now she knew how he knew that she just paced ten minutes in the living room before he walked in. He was working in the back yard, on this surprise. He knew she loved the snow and created a mini island of snow for her, even though the temperature could be turned a few degrees lower to create the right atmosphere for the ambience, but he ensured it would not, knowing that she loved the snow, but it would not be good for her throat, with her performance just a week from today. He just knew the way to her heart, this man, and she loved him with all her life, knowing that he loves her too….
“Where is it?”
“Oh, just round the corner and we will go see it in the morning and I am sure you will love it, but now, we will go and look into the small matter of your lie earlier in the evening and my promise of the tips, shall we?”, as he took her into his arms, and lifting her off her feet and kissing her. Hmm.. looks like a long night…
He dropped her on their bed and came out to take the model house back into their house. He was an architect and he worked hard on this project, late into the night for almost a month before he could formulate the plan in his mind when he bought the plot downtown, a half hour drive from this place and he dedicated every spare minute of his, to get the plan into action. After ten months of solid effort, not just for getting the construction done by hiring separate contractors to get the job done, but he pulled the impossible off - he kept it quiet from his love.
“I love the model house, is this what you were working on all this year, burning midnight oil?”, she asked as he came into the bedroom.
He just smiled and sealed further questions by lowering himself onto the bed, and sealing her lips.
She woke up the next morning, content and spent and with a smile on her face. It was raining outside, the roof bore a hole, through which there was a leak into the room. The paint was coming off the walls. She stretched her arms and looked longingly, running her hands alongside the bed and sighed…
“Well, if I have to work every single day and sing every single night, I will make this dream come true”, she vowed silently. She was nineteen going on twenty and she read Barbara Taylor Bradford’s latest release and she dreamed of her life as a novel, with a Greek God waiting to wash her off her feet sometime in the future. Well, no one will blame her as long as she fulfils those fond dreams and unlikely probabilities, but then, that is what life is all about, to pull out an impossible. When impossible itself spells “I’m Possible”, there is nothing impossible.
“Coming, Mom”, she shouted as she got out of the bed. She walked into the room dazed.
“Look at you, sleeping like a princess. Could you not stop singing in your sleep? It’s bizarre. What do you dream of every day anyway?”, her mom said.
She blushed slightly and she heard her sister whisper, “Hmm, another knight in the shining armour, I hope there was something more than just a song in there, I want to hear about it.”
Her brother walked in beside her, “look at you, turning twenty today and already flushed with the dreams of smart boys..”, causing her to grow a shade of darker red. “Happy birthday little sis, as a gift, well, we thought you would like to take an hour off from the work today. Just so you remember, your hour will be up in the next twenty minutes”, he said. She looked at the clock in horror and realized it was past their opening time and that they would be completely occupied in the next hour or so and they would need her in the kitchen as she is the cook in the family and their bakery will require her to bake those delicacies she dreamed off. She sighed as the reality sunk in.
“Happy birthday, doll”, she heard her father from the door way, noticing the small gift wrap in his hands. She smiled and said, “Thanks Dad, is that for me?” she said, walking to take the gift. She opened to find a novel, “Just rewards” and knew she was in for another knight in the shining armour tonight.
After an exhausting day in the bakery, one would think her sleep would be sound and dreamless, little did they know that a heart that wants to leap and sour can’t rest while she rests, tired and exhausted. It pushes her through her dreams to the worlds she want to reach and one day, it is the rewards of these unforgotten dreams that will help her reach the stars she dreamt of.
“Happy Birthday Meg”, she heard a soft voice. She turned and looked at Rob standing near the back door. She blushed slightly, wondering if he knew that she dreamt of their future. She recalled the surprise and realized, she did make him a cake yesterday to celebrate his birthday and it turned out to be the finest ever chocolate cake he ever had, or so he said.
“Thank you”, she said.
“Would you like to look at your gift?”, he said.
“What is it?”, her heart pounding. She thought she knew what it would be, but she wanted to be sure.
“Back here”, he walked out into the back yard and as she moved alongside him, she gave a squeal of delight. It was a small house, made of clay. The tiny craft piece was so elegant and delicate that she was worried she would break it, if she touched it. “One day, Meg”, was all he said and she knew it in her heart then, that he loved her as much as she did and that they would fulfil their dream, together.
“Well, well, one day, I sure hope that they tie the knot and sooner too”, she heard her sister saying and turned to see her family standing in the back yard, smiling broadly.
“You two love birds need more than just dreams to soar high and that ain’t coming by dreaming, but by working, so, get back to it”, she heard her brother say. Two years older to her, but he was the man in charge of their little bakery with plans of turning it into something much bigger.
Well, dreams and dreams… of all kinds, nightmares or dejavu’s, all are part of one’s life. To ward off a bad dream or to fulfil a dejavu, it takes effort and consistency. But any dream is possible, as long as one has the will to achieve it. I believe Meg and Rob have a future, bigger than her dream…
Jul 5, 2009
Nightmare!!
Why is it that it hurts and it keeps hurting? Why is it that I cannot seem to understand? Why is it easy to take offence? And why is it that you find yourself alone when in tears? Why is there no potion ever discovered for blocking things that cause a searing pain in your life? why is it that everything that is worth in life should be fought for? Why is it always difficult to be happy? Why is it that you find it easier to feel sorry for yourself? Why is it that a single word can change your world? why? Why? Why?
It hurts… don’t know where, don’t know why, don’t know if it will ever stop.
I don’t want to have a sleepless night.. I don’t want another nightmare in my life… I don’t want to run away from demons… why can’t it just be over? This life, supposedly a gift from God, particularly a life of a human, why is it a curse? A bane?
A friend told me one day, that since I only see the obstacle, I find it so large that I cannot find my way around it. But if I see it as a pebble to just throw out, everything is alright! But some obstacles are not pebbles… they are not even boulders… they are there, invisible, blocking you, every step of the way. I keep getting nightmares, but being me, I tend to find an adventure in them. I get up in the middle of the night, scared witless, yet, I find myself livid enough to understand they are just bad dreams. so I cannot categorize them as nightmares, but they keep me from sleep. On particularly difficult days, these tend to rip me to pieces…
In the night, I stand alone in the woods, except the trees around have no leaves, just branches jutting out of them, lifeless. The cold breeze shifts the clouds hovering over the moon and I stand there, looking into the dark. I see myself, tear stained and lost. I suddenly run. I run as though my life is dependent on it and I know I am being stalked. I run, I run through these woods. I climb on the rocks. I fall down and scratch myself, I desperately try and move up, but I know I am being pulled down. I force myself, inch by inch, I reach the top, only to fall into a pit, deep and low. I curl myself to a ball, I hug myself closer into the pit and wait for my doom. Sure, it comes, regal as ever, to claim what it thinks it deserves. Me. I shake and tremble and cuddle closer. It laughs a mirthless laugh and lifts me up. Hurls me into the rock and I see myself falling. Blood in my mouth, bones broken. I am kicked in the shins and I howl in pain. I see myself lifted, thrown across onto the rocks. I see myself suspended in space, stretched beyond endurance. Is this pain? Can there be any more pain? Is this death?
“Why can’t this be over?”
I see myself stretched, a band of elastic and suddenly I am limp and I am falling. I am falling to the ground. I shriek again, please, no more. The thump in my heart goes haywire and I wake up… blood in my mouth, bones broken, more dead than alive!!! I touch myself, knowing I am still alive. I know I need to get up, I know I need to push myself up, yet, I know, I just need to let it be and it will all be over. But I fight, to wake up, for another day, alive and hoping for a better day!!!
It hurts… don’t know where, don’t know why, don’t know if it will ever stop.
I don’t want to have a sleepless night.. I don’t want another nightmare in my life… I don’t want to run away from demons… why can’t it just be over? This life, supposedly a gift from God, particularly a life of a human, why is it a curse? A bane?
A friend told me one day, that since I only see the obstacle, I find it so large that I cannot find my way around it. But if I see it as a pebble to just throw out, everything is alright! But some obstacles are not pebbles… they are not even boulders… they are there, invisible, blocking you, every step of the way. I keep getting nightmares, but being me, I tend to find an adventure in them. I get up in the middle of the night, scared witless, yet, I find myself livid enough to understand they are just bad dreams. so I cannot categorize them as nightmares, but they keep me from sleep. On particularly difficult days, these tend to rip me to pieces…
In the night, I stand alone in the woods, except the trees around have no leaves, just branches jutting out of them, lifeless. The cold breeze shifts the clouds hovering over the moon and I stand there, looking into the dark. I see myself, tear stained and lost. I suddenly run. I run as though my life is dependent on it and I know I am being stalked. I run, I run through these woods. I climb on the rocks. I fall down and scratch myself, I desperately try and move up, but I know I am being pulled down. I force myself, inch by inch, I reach the top, only to fall into a pit, deep and low. I curl myself to a ball, I hug myself closer into the pit and wait for my doom. Sure, it comes, regal as ever, to claim what it thinks it deserves. Me. I shake and tremble and cuddle closer. It laughs a mirthless laugh and lifts me up. Hurls me into the rock and I see myself falling. Blood in my mouth, bones broken. I am kicked in the shins and I howl in pain. I see myself lifted, thrown across onto the rocks. I see myself suspended in space, stretched beyond endurance. Is this pain? Can there be any more pain? Is this death?
“Why can’t this be over?”
I see myself stretched, a band of elastic and suddenly I am limp and I am falling. I am falling to the ground. I shriek again, please, no more. The thump in my heart goes haywire and I wake up… blood in my mouth, bones broken, more dead than alive!!! I touch myself, knowing I am still alive. I know I need to get up, I know I need to push myself up, yet, I know, I just need to let it be and it will all be over. But I fight, to wake up, for another day, alive and hoping for a better day!!!
Jul 4, 2009
What can you do??
Well, been upset most of the time these days and nothing seems to help me gain perspective. The thing about being disappointed, particularly by the people you care about is not an easy thing to digest. But more importantly, if you let down the people you love, it is even more difficult to tolerate, right?
Sometimes when things turn sour, the after taste lasts for a life time. The cross roads that seem to forever be the choices I hold in life, sometimes are just the roads I do not want to take. Some times I am too used to the roads I am traversing that I do not want to get out and explore another path. And then I realize I am stagnant, unmoving and lost. I buckle up and rush through to realize the last ship has left the shore. Then I squirm and wiggle and swim across, fighting for survival and I succeed and I know I will succeed too. The worst part is all these could be avoided with a little pro-activeness on my part.
My thoughts are currently unnerving and even a bit confusing. Sitting with myself usually helps, but this time it seems like I want to just curl up and let it go.
I was doing some back ground on suicide, depression, not an easy thing to do, particularly to read stuff like that. The curious mind in me always pesters to find the reasons and the logic behind every action. Somehow, if there is no logic, the reason seems to be invalid for me and I wondered why do people contemplate suicide? I mean, thinking about the people who care for them should suffice in not going through with the thought right? I don’t know nor can I ever understand. It takes a lot of strength to willingly rip open the hearts of all those people who care for them, but they are called cowards, for they choose to die than to stand and fight. Now I need to know, if it is not courage that gave them the strength to go through that idea, what is it? Foolishness? But how can one term it like that? I mean, whatever trauma they are undergoing could only push them to an alternative that they could bear, for their threshold has crossed and they cannot take it any more. Now, should I call these people cowards or courageous? Should I empathize with them or should I hate them? What drives people to choose an alternative that is painful and difficult? More importantly, what could you do to stop them from thinking on those lines?
Yes, life is harsh and it is not easy. It is especially difficult at times, but there are people out there who care for you, who love you, who need you. Stop for a moment and think. Yes, not all can be achieved, yet the disappointment is a way of life to show that it is not a bright day every day. But every incident is precious, that leaves a mark deep enough to recall when in need of it. Good, bad, cruel – whatever they are or however they are, they are mere things that may or may not be the outcome of your actions. But you are the one who is responsible for it. Face the damn consequences and be done with it. If it haunts you back, at least you know that it is your choices that left you wherever you are!!!
There is no reason for these thoughts, just one thing lead to another and then to another and finally a way of jotting things down…
Sometimes when things turn sour, the after taste lasts for a life time. The cross roads that seem to forever be the choices I hold in life, sometimes are just the roads I do not want to take. Some times I am too used to the roads I am traversing that I do not want to get out and explore another path. And then I realize I am stagnant, unmoving and lost. I buckle up and rush through to realize the last ship has left the shore. Then I squirm and wiggle and swim across, fighting for survival and I succeed and I know I will succeed too. The worst part is all these could be avoided with a little pro-activeness on my part.
My thoughts are currently unnerving and even a bit confusing. Sitting with myself usually helps, but this time it seems like I want to just curl up and let it go.
I was doing some back ground on suicide, depression, not an easy thing to do, particularly to read stuff like that. The curious mind in me always pesters to find the reasons and the logic behind every action. Somehow, if there is no logic, the reason seems to be invalid for me and I wondered why do people contemplate suicide? I mean, thinking about the people who care for them should suffice in not going through with the thought right? I don’t know nor can I ever understand. It takes a lot of strength to willingly rip open the hearts of all those people who care for them, but they are called cowards, for they choose to die than to stand and fight. Now I need to know, if it is not courage that gave them the strength to go through that idea, what is it? Foolishness? But how can one term it like that? I mean, whatever trauma they are undergoing could only push them to an alternative that they could bear, for their threshold has crossed and they cannot take it any more. Now, should I call these people cowards or courageous? Should I empathize with them or should I hate them? What drives people to choose an alternative that is painful and difficult? More importantly, what could you do to stop them from thinking on those lines?
Yes, life is harsh and it is not easy. It is especially difficult at times, but there are people out there who care for you, who love you, who need you. Stop for a moment and think. Yes, not all can be achieved, yet the disappointment is a way of life to show that it is not a bright day every day. But every incident is precious, that leaves a mark deep enough to recall when in need of it. Good, bad, cruel – whatever they are or however they are, they are mere things that may or may not be the outcome of your actions. But you are the one who is responsible for it. Face the damn consequences and be done with it. If it haunts you back, at least you know that it is your choices that left you wherever you are!!!
There is no reason for these thoughts, just one thing lead to another and then to another and finally a way of jotting things down…
Jul 2, 2009
Somebody's Me - Enrique
Enrique is a master conjurer! I read this in an orkut profile and was stumped. Googled it and the moment I read Enrique’s name, I know I would fall for it. And I did! Man, is this something or what??
You, do you remember me?
Like I remember you?
Do you spend your life going back in your mind to that time?
Because I, I walk the streets alone
I hate being on my own
And everyone can see that I really fell
And I'm going through hell, thinking about you with somebody else
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes that one day you will see
That Somebody's Me
How, How could we go wrong
It was so good and now it's gone
And I pray at night that our paths soon will cross
And what we had isn't lost
Cause you're always right here in my thoughts
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes that one day you will see
That Somebody's Me
You'll always be in my life
Even if I'm not in your life
Because you're in my memory
You, when you remember me
And before you set me free
Oh listen please
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes that one day you will see
That Somebody's Me
No more words are required, just the song and the tone are sufficient! Enrique, kudos to you!!!
You, do you remember me?
Like I remember you?
Do you spend your life going back in your mind to that time?
Because I, I walk the streets alone
I hate being on my own
And everyone can see that I really fell
And I'm going through hell, thinking about you with somebody else
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes that one day you will see
That Somebody's Me
How, How could we go wrong
It was so good and now it's gone
And I pray at night that our paths soon will cross
And what we had isn't lost
Cause you're always right here in my thoughts
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes that one day you will see
That Somebody's Me
You'll always be in my life
Even if I'm not in your life
Because you're in my memory
You, when you remember me
And before you set me free
Oh listen please
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes that one day you will see
That Somebody's Me
No more words are required, just the song and the tone are sufficient! Enrique, kudos to you!!!
Need to find that spark again!!
I hate being mediocre, cannot understand why though. I have never been best at anything, but I prided in being obsessive about details. And when I have my details, I am ready to go for a head on, but it is not in me to sit with a problem for an eon. Somehow, I never appreciated people finding flaws with me, not because I think I am perfect, not because I think I do not deserve to be pointed out, but because I think I should have found that flaw by myself. When I am pointed with the obvious, it is exceptionally hard on me to swallow it in.
These days have been a little bit tough for me, what with thoughts ranging from deranged to retarded to depressing to worried, on top of it my health has been fantastic, I just do not need a disappointment in terms of what I do! But then, I always failed to understand this part of me. Why is it so difficult for me to accept that I am wrong? Though I accept it, I just cannot digest it and it simply turns me off. I sometimes wonder if I miss the minute details and I am not as detailed as is required. And this raises other questions as to whether I am doing the right job or not!
I had a tough day today, what with arguments back and forth and finally some conclusion, but the thing is, why can’t I put across my thoughts clearly? Is it because my thoughts are cluttered that I cannot find a damn needle in that haystack? Or is it that it is plainly obvious and I fail to see? When I set out being an engineer, I want to be the best in the field. As days progressed, I realized my interests lie elsewhere. I like being part of a boardroom, I like having to take decisions, I like to know that the onus is on me, I like to take the pride that I am responsible for a success or a failure. I like being responsible, plain and simple. But am I really responsible? Or am I just unable to cope up? Are my expectations too high? Am I trying to be a perfectionist? Am I going in the right path? What is it that is holding me down? Why am I unable to live upto the expectations? Why am I unable to stand up and make myself count? I know I am just a drop in the ocean, but sure, that drop does make a difference. Why is it I am unable to make a difference? Am I being too relaxed? Am I taking my life for granted? Me? A person, who wanted to give the best of her ability, today is accepting a mediocre performance. How did it ever come to this? Why did it ever come to this? Disturbances are an excuse and are blatantly refused to make a case.
I think it is time for retrospection. I think I need to go back and remember why I ever want to be the best at what I do. I think I need to go back and talk to myself and challenge myself to be better than what I am today. At some point I gave up and I need to find that spark again and ignite it. Well, let me just see how it goes from this minute.
Motivation comes with responsibility and I think I have enough of it. Motivation comes with the right atmosphere and I think I have that too. Motivation comes with the right team and I have that too. Motivation comes with the right peers and I have them too. Most importantly, motivation comes from the desire to outshine myself and excel par limitations. Everything is possible as long as I believe it can be done and my job is to get it done, plain and simple. And I will.
These days have been a little bit tough for me, what with thoughts ranging from deranged to retarded to depressing to worried, on top of it my health has been fantastic, I just do not need a disappointment in terms of what I do! But then, I always failed to understand this part of me. Why is it so difficult for me to accept that I am wrong? Though I accept it, I just cannot digest it and it simply turns me off. I sometimes wonder if I miss the minute details and I am not as detailed as is required. And this raises other questions as to whether I am doing the right job or not!
I had a tough day today, what with arguments back and forth and finally some conclusion, but the thing is, why can’t I put across my thoughts clearly? Is it because my thoughts are cluttered that I cannot find a damn needle in that haystack? Or is it that it is plainly obvious and I fail to see? When I set out being an engineer, I want to be the best in the field. As days progressed, I realized my interests lie elsewhere. I like being part of a boardroom, I like having to take decisions, I like to know that the onus is on me, I like to take the pride that I am responsible for a success or a failure. I like being responsible, plain and simple. But am I really responsible? Or am I just unable to cope up? Are my expectations too high? Am I trying to be a perfectionist? Am I going in the right path? What is it that is holding me down? Why am I unable to live upto the expectations? Why am I unable to stand up and make myself count? I know I am just a drop in the ocean, but sure, that drop does make a difference. Why is it I am unable to make a difference? Am I being too relaxed? Am I taking my life for granted? Me? A person, who wanted to give the best of her ability, today is accepting a mediocre performance. How did it ever come to this? Why did it ever come to this? Disturbances are an excuse and are blatantly refused to make a case.
I think it is time for retrospection. I think I need to go back and remember why I ever want to be the best at what I do. I think I need to go back and talk to myself and challenge myself to be better than what I am today. At some point I gave up and I need to find that spark again and ignite it. Well, let me just see how it goes from this minute.
Motivation comes with responsibility and I think I have enough of it. Motivation comes with the right atmosphere and I think I have that too. Motivation comes with the right team and I have that too. Motivation comes with the right peers and I have them too. Most importantly, motivation comes from the desire to outshine myself and excel par limitations. Everything is possible as long as I believe it can be done and my job is to get it done, plain and simple. And I will.
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