Do we need to learn to love a person? I believe so. Love is not lust, to be instantaneous and sparkling. There might be a phase, where that feeling of need for each other exists, the need to be with the person, in the whispered lullabies or sweet nothings, but, that is just a phase. What would happen when they outgrow that? When the need to hear the sweet nothings, though prominent, is a mere whim of a calculated mind and when the promises of eternal happiness are just a reflection of past, rather than the truths of the moment, does love exist? Perhaps, it does, in some corner, masked in an unassuming cover, in desperate need of dusting and cleaning. Well, then, how would one want to regenerate it? Particularly, how would one fight the urge to just let it go and let it be?
The root cause of the uncertainty in trusting the loved one is because of expectations. Expectation of the partner, to either reciprocate the warmth or the expectation of unconditional love – when that unconditional love itself is an expectation , to be there for that person – when that “be there”, in reality is just a myth created by the mind.
1) Who cares if you are stuck in an unknown road and your partner is happily watching a movie? You can’t expect the partner to have a sixth sense and believe that something is wrong with you and to immediately call you, right?
2) Who cares if you are a nervous wreck for your first official client meeting and your partner could not even call, to wish you good luck? Perhaps, he/she is busy with his/her schedule or more real – “I am not interested in what you do. As long as it is essential for you to do it, just do it” attitude.
3) Who cares if your family is ill? For all you know, why should he/she care about your family? DO you honestly care about his/her family?
4) Who cares if you have not spoken to your partner in over a month? He/She might be exceptionally busy, else your phone would be ringing off the hook!!!
5) Who cares if your friend drops you home and your partner is jealous of him/her? It is his/her mistake that he/she was unavailable to spend that time with you!
6) Who cares if you sit in a coffee day to sip the coffee, your most soothing ingredient and you sit alone and think, wish you had someone with you? When your partner, might be doing exact same thing in some other café day, for all you know!
7) Who cares if you have not had your food and your partner is out partying, knowing damn well that you are not eating food? Or, for that matter, knowing that he/she should have been there to hold your hand to help you get over whatever spooked your heart or mind?
All the above are quite true and also, the “who cares” – is mostly, “I care that my partner does so and so for me”. Aren’t they all expectations or sometimes punishment, depending on the person? Honestly, most of the scenarios could be simply eliminated by asking. Of course, sometimes asking always negates the response. And if you are like me, believe me, the “no” has many swear words associated with it, than you can actually hear and once a “no” is “never ask me again”, for me! But, the want to be embraced does not go. I still remember that my mom has not picked a lemon yellow shade of dress I so loved. I loved it, not because the dress was pretty, but because my friend, who is also my competitor has that color dress and I did not have. My Mom refused to pick it up and till date, I never picked a lemon yellow dress, not alone and certainly not when I am shopping with her. For me, it always reminds me of the color that she did not pick up for me and the first time she said a no. Amidst the humiliation (if I knew what to call the feeling that I felt on that day, when I was twelve, I would definitely call it humiliation – of being told NO when I asked something), I vowed never to ever ask her any thing ever again in my life! I don’t ask, I hint ;). Of course, now I pretty much buy what I want.
Anyway, that is all a moot point. Your partner is not telepathic; they do not know that you need them, full stop. That need not mean they do not love you. Perhaps, they do not know what love means anyway. See, it can be quite confusing if you have over a million sites offering their share of wisdom on love and their versions of definitions of love. But perhaps, in some corner of their minds, they do honestly believe they love you, but don’t know how to express it.
Leaving the above perceptions of partners aside, the biggest role is played by one’s own perception. In hindsight, mostly, it is guaranteed that – it matters not what someone feels for you, it is what you feel for yourself and for that significant other that matters. For, when you care about yourself and you feel that your happiness is bound to that significant person’s happiness, you will eventually find a way to keep that person happy and there by be happy. This sounds so much like a second rate romance saga. But, is that not true? If you truly believe that your happiness is with that person, would you not do what ever is essential to make that person happy –how ever irate it may be? And there by ensure your happiness? But, what if you feel that you do not need that significant other in your life, to make it enriching? Then, that is not the significant other and you better not fool yourself with thinking that he/she is the significant other. Whatever be the problems in life – family, friends, lack of support, lack of courage, lack of guts – the “N” lacks – if you do not feel the need for that other person, you are just fooling yourself in trying to sustain what was never meant to be. It is better to let it go and get on with your life, swallow the heart break and the vows to never hurt yourself again and open yourself up, for that one special knight, who will walk into your life to make the creases smoother and life enriched and who will hold all your fondest dreams to his heart and scares away all the trepidations of your heart and for whom, you are the centre of their universe. Perhaps, life is not a fairy tale, but love certainly is! Love is a fairy tale, the fable all around us, except in the reality of life. But, then, that is the beauty of a fairy tale – the myth is a make believe that creates a yearning that one has to learn to not ponder! Ha, the wily plots unleashed!!!
But then, even after finding that significant other, one has to learn to love. Learn to hold the needs of that person above your own. Learn to work around the inflexibilities of that person and even the roads for that person. Learn to hold your fort when all you feel like doing is crumble down and let everything go to doom. Learn to mask your disappointment and communicate to have a logical conclusion than a heated discussion. Every ditch is a lesson and every tide is an experience. As long as you trust your feeling for that person, let the storm roll in, hold your fort. The reward might not be enriching, as not all can appreciate the presence of love, but, then, that expectation of the reward should be swallowed to never allow it to surface or you will be disappointed, perhaps not the first time you get your expectation fulfilled, but subsequently. That is the way of life!
Feb 25, 2010
Feb 21, 2010
Truths of Life!!!
How can we measure the extent of an emotion at a given moment? Is there a calibration scale that will measure the truth in that emotion? When we use words like – happy, euphoric, jubilant, love – to express the positive emotions and words like – dislike, hurt, grief, pain, sorrow – to express negative emotions, (I still need to understand how these words were coined), is there a measuring scale that will say – for these many units of positive energy – this is the word to use and for these negative units – this is the word?
I sometimes find it exceptionally difficult to pinpoint the emotion running through me and I keep wondering if there are machines that can justifiably measure the rate of positive and negative energies running through me. But, then, I guess, both the energies balance out, leaving me in the same state, day after day. Which is not really bad, considering that I can always border around on the negative force and be chronically depressed, which is not something I want to be or, border round positive energy, which means I would be eternally happy, which is next to impossible – for, I personally think, there is a journey between one happiness to other and it traverses through a pit of struggle!!!
I also wonder, if there are any machines that can help measure the truth in another person’s words or emotions. Is it not sad that instincts are paving way to machines? Rather than trusting my instincts to guide me through the life’s paths, I want machines that operate in binary or sine waves, to guide me through life. Am I joining the dark side? ;)… But, then, can anyone blame me? Most of the time, instincts are ignored and even if you follow them, you end up being swarmed with questions galore. Not all the time can one find answers and sometimes answers themselves are questions.
I wish there is some place like “Fortress of solitude” (exclusive Superman stuff), where I can be myself and just sit and get through the trying moments. I used to find solace in solitude and that solitude is basically a myth of my mind. But, now, I am hunting around for those moments of solitude that seem to be a luxury I cannot afford. And, sometimes, the word “unwelcome” or “burden” does not seem to register in the sane mind, when the subconscious mind is screaming its guts out and roaring at the top of its lungs for anyone and everyone to hear, except heart! And sometimes, “friendship” or “love” is a manacle round the throat and the choke, though deadly, does not kill the heart but definitely cuts off the sanity in life, which makes me feel that emotions are the deadliest poisons and the most cardinal sins one ever has in life. Perhaps, one needs to lead the life of a saint, away and aloof of people with pretense care. But the allure to such charade is the way of life. Even the awakening of the most hard-hit truths does not take way the grandeur of that false charade, for human mind is receptive to deception and conniving of the more wicked minds!
Of all the days I wish I were a negation of me, this day tops them all! At least then, I would not hold close the one that hurts and push away the ones that love. The façade is such a fake face that the deeper I go into the depths of each thought, I feel a rottenness that is difficult to fathom. Lotus comes from the dirtiest swarm of mud, yet looks the prettiest, and for the beholder who finds it the most beautiful flower and wants to hold it in the hands; he must go through the pain of sifting through the rotten swarm of pigsty. The effort is rewarded, sometimes with the bite of a snake or dirt round the ankles and if persevered, with the lotus. But, then, is that not what that beholder aspired for? And to reach that reward, the path was interlaced through the slimiest murk one can ever find. That is the way of life!!!
Machine or no machine, the intertwined paths do not change and the journey depends on the courage of the traveler. That is the truth of life!
I sometimes find it exceptionally difficult to pinpoint the emotion running through me and I keep wondering if there are machines that can justifiably measure the rate of positive and negative energies running through me. But, then, I guess, both the energies balance out, leaving me in the same state, day after day. Which is not really bad, considering that I can always border around on the negative force and be chronically depressed, which is not something I want to be or, border round positive energy, which means I would be eternally happy, which is next to impossible – for, I personally think, there is a journey between one happiness to other and it traverses through a pit of struggle!!!
I also wonder, if there are any machines that can help measure the truth in another person’s words or emotions. Is it not sad that instincts are paving way to machines? Rather than trusting my instincts to guide me through the life’s paths, I want machines that operate in binary or sine waves, to guide me through life. Am I joining the dark side? ;)… But, then, can anyone blame me? Most of the time, instincts are ignored and even if you follow them, you end up being swarmed with questions galore. Not all the time can one find answers and sometimes answers themselves are questions.
I wish there is some place like “Fortress of solitude” (exclusive Superman stuff), where I can be myself and just sit and get through the trying moments. I used to find solace in solitude and that solitude is basically a myth of my mind. But, now, I am hunting around for those moments of solitude that seem to be a luxury I cannot afford. And, sometimes, the word “unwelcome” or “burden” does not seem to register in the sane mind, when the subconscious mind is screaming its guts out and roaring at the top of its lungs for anyone and everyone to hear, except heart! And sometimes, “friendship” or “love” is a manacle round the throat and the choke, though deadly, does not kill the heart but definitely cuts off the sanity in life, which makes me feel that emotions are the deadliest poisons and the most cardinal sins one ever has in life. Perhaps, one needs to lead the life of a saint, away and aloof of people with pretense care. But the allure to such charade is the way of life. Even the awakening of the most hard-hit truths does not take way the grandeur of that false charade, for human mind is receptive to deception and conniving of the more wicked minds!
Of all the days I wish I were a negation of me, this day tops them all! At least then, I would not hold close the one that hurts and push away the ones that love. The façade is such a fake face that the deeper I go into the depths of each thought, I feel a rottenness that is difficult to fathom. Lotus comes from the dirtiest swarm of mud, yet looks the prettiest, and for the beholder who finds it the most beautiful flower and wants to hold it in the hands; he must go through the pain of sifting through the rotten swarm of pigsty. The effort is rewarded, sometimes with the bite of a snake or dirt round the ankles and if persevered, with the lotus. But, then, is that not what that beholder aspired for? And to reach that reward, the path was interlaced through the slimiest murk one can ever find. That is the way of life!!!
Machine or no machine, the intertwined paths do not change and the journey depends on the courage of the traveler. That is the truth of life!
Feb 14, 2010
Right and wrong
Aren’t we all comfortable to be reactive than proactive? Newton’s third law works, every single time. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. How easy is it to act based on circumstances? Circumstances are the actions that cause our reactions. But then, super humans are those who use circumstances to resolve their course of action and bend those circumstances to their will. So, how many super humans exist out there? It makes me ponder about the simplicity of right and wrong and how the perceptions of those concepts, change with circumstances. Despite the gut feel, most of the time, are there not multiple things that seem to be right, when in a cross-road? But somehow, one takes a priority over the other. And perhaps, it boils down to that moment, when one reaches a conclusion that, most of time, words mean nothing and willingness to act, mean nothing too. And sometimes, the right thing might be the most difficult of all. So, should one shun away from the right thing?
Valentine's Day
Valentine’s day!!!
There is something gooey about this day. Well, it is obvious, since it surrounds love, the most coveted of the pursuits in life. And so, I thought that I too shall be a part of this sharing and expressing love and I went to the movie, valentine’s Day and guess what? I loved it. If someone wants two hour break from a nervous break down, they can watch this film and they would not regret it. It is sweet, it is romantic, it is touching and it is filled with fun. But, if that is all, I would not brag about it so much! It also pointed out – how sometimes when the love is staring right at your face, one tends to ignore it and run around, trying to find that Mr or Miss Perfect.
Though there is just too much of stardom in the movie and I personally felt that not all the characters had their share of role, there is a central theme to the movie that surrounded a florist and his best friend. The movie succeeded in showing all forms of love – the budding, the blooming and the fruition. One moment, though, caught my attention completely. When Reed (Ashton Kutcher) finds out that his best friend was being cheated by the guy she loves, he tries to let her know that she was doing a mistake. The initial reaction, when a friend thinks that his/her friend is trying to do a mistake by being with a particular person is mostly to talk through the situation and let them be. They just allow them to go on their road, saying that they are there, when the need comes. Somehow, it is so good to see that the guy actually tries to tell her, “… no one believed that we (he and his girlfriend) could work it out, including you and no one told me about it. And today, when she left me, here I am, standing with a huge pain in the gut, because no one could speak their mind to me. I don’t want you to end up feeling this way”…
Only a person, who has fallen down and through no fault of his own, finds himself being surrounded by this inexplicable pain, can understand what it feels like to be hurt by the person you love. It struck me then, in the middle of the movie, that, we give so much of importance to friends and despite that importance, we often put them in the boundaries. Sometimes, those boundaries are drawn by us and sometimes, those are just the boundaries they are comfortable to work around with. And then it hit me, that she did what everyone confronted with the point, “your love is not good enough for you”. She felt sorry for her friend and went on, anyway, to meet her boy friend, only to find out that her friend was right all along. I was thinking, this is exactly the way everyone behaves, when confronted with the reality that the person they love is not really worth the love or the wait or the tears! And when the reality sinks in, finally, one needs to do an open heart surgery, if only with a heart-shaped cardboard box and a baseball bat!!!!
The movie had its moments – but it left me laughing, most of the time, with its wit and humour and above all, with its classic lines, that keep one rolling off the seat! But, it conveyed the point too – love does not always come in the most convenient of packages. If one wants it in their lives, they need to earn it and respect it and above all, accept it for what it is, without restriction. And when in love, you need to make a world with that love – else, you will find yourself watching the layers of it being stripped away and you being left alone. After all, love is the centre of one’s deepest happiness and grief. But, then, love is a fairy tale – mostly fitting the classic beginning, the difficult middle and the happy ending… if one dares the pain – the fairytales often come true. So, the happiness follows the grief, after all.
And, as a fitting ending note - here is Taylor Swift's fairytale love... Loved this song - as the scroll went by:
There is something gooey about this day. Well, it is obvious, since it surrounds love, the most coveted of the pursuits in life. And so, I thought that I too shall be a part of this sharing and expressing love and I went to the movie, valentine’s Day and guess what? I loved it. If someone wants two hour break from a nervous break down, they can watch this film and they would not regret it. It is sweet, it is romantic, it is touching and it is filled with fun. But, if that is all, I would not brag about it so much! It also pointed out – how sometimes when the love is staring right at your face, one tends to ignore it and run around, trying to find that Mr or Miss Perfect.
Though there is just too much of stardom in the movie and I personally felt that not all the characters had their share of role, there is a central theme to the movie that surrounded a florist and his best friend. The movie succeeded in showing all forms of love – the budding, the blooming and the fruition. One moment, though, caught my attention completely. When Reed (Ashton Kutcher) finds out that his best friend was being cheated by the guy she loves, he tries to let her know that she was doing a mistake. The initial reaction, when a friend thinks that his/her friend is trying to do a mistake by being with a particular person is mostly to talk through the situation and let them be. They just allow them to go on their road, saying that they are there, when the need comes. Somehow, it is so good to see that the guy actually tries to tell her, “… no one believed that we (he and his girlfriend) could work it out, including you and no one told me about it. And today, when she left me, here I am, standing with a huge pain in the gut, because no one could speak their mind to me. I don’t want you to end up feeling this way”…
Only a person, who has fallen down and through no fault of his own, finds himself being surrounded by this inexplicable pain, can understand what it feels like to be hurt by the person you love. It struck me then, in the middle of the movie, that, we give so much of importance to friends and despite that importance, we often put them in the boundaries. Sometimes, those boundaries are drawn by us and sometimes, those are just the boundaries they are comfortable to work around with. And then it hit me, that she did what everyone confronted with the point, “your love is not good enough for you”. She felt sorry for her friend and went on, anyway, to meet her boy friend, only to find out that her friend was right all along. I was thinking, this is exactly the way everyone behaves, when confronted with the reality that the person they love is not really worth the love or the wait or the tears! And when the reality sinks in, finally, one needs to do an open heart surgery, if only with a heart-shaped cardboard box and a baseball bat!!!!
The movie had its moments – but it left me laughing, most of the time, with its wit and humour and above all, with its classic lines, that keep one rolling off the seat! But, it conveyed the point too – love does not always come in the most convenient of packages. If one wants it in their lives, they need to earn it and respect it and above all, accept it for what it is, without restriction. And when in love, you need to make a world with that love – else, you will find yourself watching the layers of it being stripped away and you being left alone. After all, love is the centre of one’s deepest happiness and grief. But, then, love is a fairy tale – mostly fitting the classic beginning, the difficult middle and the happy ending… if one dares the pain – the fairytales often come true. So, the happiness follows the grief, after all.
And, as a fitting ending note - here is Taylor Swift's fairytale love... Loved this song - as the scroll went by:
Today was a fairytale
You were the prince
I used to be a damsel in distress
You took me by the hand and you picked me up at six
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
I wore a dress
You wore a dark grey t-shirt
You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
You've got a smile that takes me to another planet
Every move you make everything you say is right
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
All that I can say is it's getting so much clearer
Nothing made sense until the time I saw your face
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around
Yeah yeah
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around
I can feel my heart
It's beating in my chest
Did you feel it?
I can't put this down
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
You were the prince
I used to be a damsel in distress
You took me by the hand and you picked me up at six
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
I wore a dress
You wore a dark grey t-shirt
You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
You've got a smile that takes me to another planet
Every move you make everything you say is right
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
All that I can say is it's getting so much clearer
Nothing made sense until the time I saw your face
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around
Yeah yeah
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around
I can feel my heart
It's beating in my chest
Did you feel it?
I can't put this down
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
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