How can we measure the extent of an emotion at a given moment? Is there a calibration scale that will measure the truth in that emotion? When we use words like – happy, euphoric, jubilant, love – to express the positive emotions and words like – dislike, hurt, grief, pain, sorrow – to express negative emotions, (I still need to understand how these words were coined), is there a measuring scale that will say – for these many units of positive energy – this is the word to use and for these negative units – this is the word?
I sometimes find it exceptionally difficult to pinpoint the emotion running through me and I keep wondering if there are machines that can justifiably measure the rate of positive and negative energies running through me. But, then, I guess, both the energies balance out, leaving me in the same state, day after day. Which is not really bad, considering that I can always border around on the negative force and be chronically depressed, which is not something I want to be or, border round positive energy, which means I would be eternally happy, which is next to impossible – for, I personally think, there is a journey between one happiness to other and it traverses through a pit of struggle!!!
I also wonder, if there are any machines that can help measure the truth in another person’s words or emotions. Is it not sad that instincts are paving way to machines? Rather than trusting my instincts to guide me through the life’s paths, I want machines that operate in binary or sine waves, to guide me through life. Am I joining the dark side? ;)… But, then, can anyone blame me? Most of the time, instincts are ignored and even if you follow them, you end up being swarmed with questions galore. Not all the time can one find answers and sometimes answers themselves are questions.
I wish there is some place like “Fortress of solitude” (exclusive Superman stuff), where I can be myself and just sit and get through the trying moments. I used to find solace in solitude and that solitude is basically a myth of my mind. But, now, I am hunting around for those moments of solitude that seem to be a luxury I cannot afford. And, sometimes, the word “unwelcome” or “burden” does not seem to register in the sane mind, when the subconscious mind is screaming its guts out and roaring at the top of its lungs for anyone and everyone to hear, except heart! And sometimes, “friendship” or “love” is a manacle round the throat and the choke, though deadly, does not kill the heart but definitely cuts off the sanity in life, which makes me feel that emotions are the deadliest poisons and the most cardinal sins one ever has in life. Perhaps, one needs to lead the life of a saint, away and aloof of people with pretense care. But the allure to such charade is the way of life. Even the awakening of the most hard-hit truths does not take way the grandeur of that false charade, for human mind is receptive to deception and conniving of the more wicked minds!
Of all the days I wish I were a negation of me, this day tops them all! At least then, I would not hold close the one that hurts and push away the ones that love. The façade is such a fake face that the deeper I go into the depths of each thought, I feel a rottenness that is difficult to fathom. Lotus comes from the dirtiest swarm of mud, yet looks the prettiest, and for the beholder who finds it the most beautiful flower and wants to hold it in the hands; he must go through the pain of sifting through the rotten swarm of pigsty. The effort is rewarded, sometimes with the bite of a snake or dirt round the ankles and if persevered, with the lotus. But, then, is that not what that beholder aspired for? And to reach that reward, the path was interlaced through the slimiest murk one can ever find. That is the way of life!!!
Machine or no machine, the intertwined paths do not change and the journey depends on the courage of the traveler. That is the truth of life!
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