Random Thoughts

There are a lot of things going on in my head right now. All this resentment at being chained is growing in me, to the extent where it threatens to consume me. When things are fine, all these feelings are in a back burner, but at the slightest ripple, all these feelings surface, as a bubbling tornado and every time its as though they never went away. I can feel the blood rumbling, I can feel my eyes threatening to overflow, I can feel the anger in me ready to engulf everything around me. Yet, yet, I need to hold everything in. Life has to be simple, yet we complicate it, with people we surround ourselves with. I mean, even if we live on an island, we cannot really escape people, can we? Family, friends, relations, strangers - all are people, ready to pounce on us, rub their emotions on us and basically just willing to complicate our life. We cannot shut them out, nor can we let them in. Ask, talk, feel, shout, scream, wallow, cry - how many emotions and for what? Who gives a f**k about...

.... I want to scream at the top of my lungs, just scream until my voice goes hoarse. I want to keep running until every breath I take feels like the last one. I feel like a rebel. I want to challenge my own convictions of life, my own principles. What good are they, when they do not help me navigate through my life, in some semblance of peace? What good are they, if I feel lost in the chasm of misery? While the logical part of my brain, quite literally tells me to shut up and move on, the illogical heart keeps weeping at a loss that I could not control. While part of me consoles, part of me wants to rip my heart and stomp on it for not fathoming the unfathomable. And I think that part finally succeeded! I stare at what feels like a million pieces of my heart on the floor. I could quite literally hear it shatter. I stumble for words, I scramble for words, yet, nothing can explain what is going on in my head, when processing what is in front of me. I try to focus, move from one point to...