Random Thoughts

It is like a punch in the gut, when I realize, that I cannot voice out my thoughts with clarity or openness any more. When your openness is mocked, when your voice is mistrusted, why bother?! I chose to let my voice quiet down and let it be and now, it sits dully in a corner, choked of exuberance, choked of life. Now, it’s pathetic existence is a constant reminder of what a stupid choice that was. It is important to have a channel to get things out of your system. Be it a thought that is a word or a sentence or even a complex verse, at that very instant. It is important to get it out, if only to acknowledge to yourself, that thought. No one, no matter how good a listener they are, can respect that thought nor listen to it as well as you do. I sometimes think, I should perhaps consult a shrink, just to be able to voice out what is inside me. But then I ask myself, what makes you think you can trust them to listen? Trust, such an elusive mistress. Despite forced to trust, there is a cl...

Oh well, we won the Champions trophy and this time remained unbeaten throughout the tournament, like the world No. 1 ranked ODI side should be. Starting with the practice matches, to the way they progressed to the finals to winning it, is such a fantastic feeling. They started with a convincing victory against South Africa, succeeding it with a flawless and thumping victory against West Indies, smashed Pakistan in a mere formality of a match, thrashed the Srilankans in the semis and marched to the finals with an aplomb. The rain interrupted final did not befit the final, but to have fought in the middle to defend 128 in 20 overs and to have forced England to lose in a sorely one-sided match was something to watch!! It was unbelievable. It is like waking to a fantastic dream turned reality. For some time now, there seems to be no dearth of laudable performances from the Indian team that it is thrilling to follow such a fairy tale. Not that there were no black marks, just that, the t...

Some days, it is really hard to love life. It is literally the one most unexplainable certainty, even if it is for one fleeing second. And when it happens almost every day, something has to give. These days, I feel that. I feel something has to change in life for me to feel the love inside of me, else, I will keep staring at this altercation in the mirror and wonder, what is staring back. Perfection is a difficult mistress to lap dance with, but so is imperfection. “Done” sounds a promising mistress, yet, it borders at being undone, that seeking it almost always seeks the “undone” too. Yeah, I know, that it is a convoluted sentence that sounds warped to mean something, but does not. But honestly, it does, don’t you think? Anyway, today is one of those days, where it is difficult to accept being an idiot when proof exists right in front of my eyes. Not that every day I think otherwise, but it would be nice to not have proof of being an idiot that obvious. I mean, how many days can we b...

Aaah.. New York! My mind frequently wanders there. I loved it the first time I saw it. Now, my mind reiterates, its as good a time as any to move there, to experience the arrogance of New Yorkers first hand, but also to be absorbed into the life of the city, to be part of that immense culture shock, to be a minute yet significant part of it. When I first landed there, it lifted me up from my cocoon, calling my name, asking me to be a part of it. The days pass insignificantly, yet, some part of my brain thinks about life out there. Some times, I feel like I am in a rut, some days more so. Eventually, I project myself, outside of this tiny bubble, to see life, to live it in my heart. Some days, that is enough. But, lately, I seem to realize, that is where my life is taking me, towards that pinnacle, towards that solitude, towards that anonymity, towards freedom, towards peace. How soon will I fulfill it? Some destinations are worth the wait. Hopefully, soon.

05/02/2008 If I had four legs, I would be called a dog, I act and behave like one. But I have two legs and a heart, Unlike the four legged creature, I wait on my master just the same. And instead of a bone I wait for a kind word, Am happy when he says it And hurt when he lashes out, Yet, like the good old dog, I maintain my degree of faithfulness I come back, the kick forgotten, anxious for a look of approval I lick his feet, as good dogs do, I whoof in a manner of smile Am wary of his swinging moods, but dogs have no say, do they? They never go away, their faith in their master unshaken Perhaps, they think quietly, someday… There would be a pat, a hug, along with the bone Remember, the dog loves his master, unconditionally. Its not the dogs fault that the master is sometimes cruel. Courtesy: http://sailingby.blogspot.com/2009/03/good-dog.html Some times, love and hurt, move hand in hand. Some times, pain is love. A smile - an act of kindness, understanding - ...

Sometimes, being saint seems easier than being myself. In a world that fights to change you every second, to be who you are is the toughest challenge. The thing is that, I am up for that challenge, with a ‘but’ associated with it. A bit of a bummer, truly. I can honestly say that I don’t enjoy being me anymore. In fact, I feel that I am as far away from me as possible. Some days are like that. I wake up and think about the purpose of this existence. Whose mere whim is it, that I exist? Whose fantasy is it that rides this boat? There are days where a coherent thought is far from my mind and days where the very next minute is an ordeal I do not wish to cross. And some days, I wish I can fly by to the next day, but the clock ticks incessantly, in its steady manner. Sometimes, that is a blessing, that says, nothing can make me move any faster than how I want to move. Like, it says, in this ever changing world, I remain unperturbed. Feel me tick, feel me tock, I love it when someone pays a...

It is a joy to see the India vs Australia series this time around. Despite all the ‘buts’ in the equation, being an Indian fan, I love that we are leading 3-0. I want my team to dominate, in and out of the country. I wish we would not fight, but just trample on the opposition like a herd of elephants, create a destruction so volatile that the crater seems like a better alternative than to challenge India. I would really love that. Why? Don’t I enjoy a fight, you ask? I do! But I have seen the Indian teams being tamed by the opposition at will, that I have craved to see total dominance by the Indian team for quite some time. We have been cornered too many times and having seen it, I wished we would fight back, not in a composed elegant script, but in a ‘you are dead meat’ way. We did not have destructive cricketers until Sehwag came along. But then, like an exception, he performed in some exceptional cases brilliantly, while he failed in almost equivalent number of cases. While we had ...