A fairy tale - A way of Life

Do we need to learn to love a person? I believe so. Love is not lust, to be instantaneous and sparkling. There might be a phase, where that feeling of need for each other exists, the need to be with the person, in the whispered lullabies or sweet nothings, but, that is just a phase. What would happen when they outgrow that? When the need to hear the sweet nothings, though prominent, is a mere whim of a calculated mind and when the promises of eternal happiness are just a reflection of past, rather than the truths of the moment, does love exist? Perhaps, it does, in some corner, masked in an unassuming cover, in desperate need of dusting and cleaning. Well, then, how would one want to regenerate it? Particularly, how would one fight the urge to just let it go and let it be?

The root cause of the uncertainty in trusting the loved one is because of expectations. Expectation of the partner, to either reciprocate the warmth or the expectation of unconditional love – when that unconditional love itself is an expectation , to be there for that person – when that “be there”, in reality is just a myth created by the mind.
1) Who cares if you are stuck in an unknown road and your partner is happily watching a movie? You can’t expect the partner to have a sixth sense and believe that something is wrong with you and to immediately call you, right?
2) Who cares if you are a nervous wreck for your first official client meeting and your partner could not even call, to wish you good luck? Perhaps, he/she is busy with his/her schedule or more real – “I am not interested in what you do. As long as it is essential for you to do it, just do it” attitude.
3) Who cares if your family is ill? For all you know, why should he/she care about your family? DO you honestly care about his/her family?
4) Who cares if you have not spoken to your partner in over a month? He/She might be exceptionally busy, else your phone would be ringing off the hook!!!
5) Who cares if your friend drops you home and your partner is jealous of him/her? It is his/her mistake that he/she was unavailable to spend that time with you!
6) Who cares if you sit in a coffee day to sip the coffee, your most soothing ingredient and you sit alone and think, wish you had someone with you? When your partner, might be doing exact same thing in some other café day, for all you know!
7) Who cares if you have not had your food and your partner is out partying, knowing damn well that you are not eating food? Or, for that matter, knowing that he/she should have been there to hold your hand to help you get over whatever spooked your heart or mind?

All the above are quite true and also, the “who cares” – is mostly, “I care that my partner does so and so for me”. Aren’t they all expectations or sometimes punishment, depending on the person? Honestly, most of the scenarios could be simply eliminated by asking. Of course, sometimes asking always negates the response. And if you are like me, believe me, the “no” has many swear words associated with it, than you can actually hear and once a “no” is “never ask me again”, for me! But, the want to be embraced does not go. I still remember that my mom has not picked a lemon yellow shade of dress I so loved. I loved it, not because the dress was pretty, but because my friend, who is also my competitor has that color dress and I did not have. My Mom refused to pick it up and till date, I never picked a lemon yellow dress, not alone and certainly not when I am shopping with her. For me, it always reminds me of the color that she did not pick up for me and the first time she said a no. Amidst the humiliation (if I knew what to call the feeling that I felt on that day, when I was twelve, I would definitely call it humiliation – of being told NO when I asked something), I vowed never to ever ask her any thing ever again in my life! I don’t ask, I hint ;). Of course, now I pretty much buy what I want.
Anyway, that is all a moot point. Your partner is not telepathic; they do not know that you need them, full stop. That need not mean they do not love you. Perhaps, they do not know what love means anyway. See, it can be quite confusing if you have over a million sites offering their share of wisdom on love and their versions of definitions of love. But perhaps, in some corner of their minds, they do honestly believe they love you, but don’t know how to express it.

Leaving the above perceptions of partners aside, the biggest role is played by one’s own perception. In hindsight, mostly, it is guaranteed that – it matters not what someone feels for you, it is what you feel for yourself and for that significant other that matters. For, when you care about yourself and you feel that your happiness is bound to that significant person’s happiness, you will eventually find a way to keep that person happy and there by be happy. This sounds so much like a second rate romance saga. But, is that not true? If you truly believe that your happiness is with that person, would you not do what ever is essential to make that person happy –how ever irate it may be? And there by ensure your happiness? But, what if you feel that you do not need that significant other in your life, to make it enriching? Then, that is not the significant other and you better not fool yourself with thinking that he/she is the significant other. Whatever be the problems in life – family, friends, lack of support, lack of courage, lack of guts – the “N” lacks – if you do not feel the need for that other person, you are just fooling yourself in trying to sustain what was never meant to be. It is better to let it go and get on with your life, swallow the heart break and the vows to never hurt yourself again and open yourself up, for that one special knight, who will walk into your life to make the creases smoother and life enriched and who will hold all your fondest dreams to his heart and scares away all the trepidations of your heart and for whom, you are the centre of their universe. Perhaps, life is not a fairy tale, but love certainly is! Love is a fairy tale, the fable all around us, except in the reality of life. But, then, that is the beauty of a fairy tale – the myth is a make believe that creates a yearning that one has to learn to not ponder! Ha, the wily plots unleashed!!!

But then, even after finding that significant other, one has to learn to love. Learn to hold the needs of that person above your own. Learn to work around the inflexibilities of that person and even the roads for that person. Learn to hold your fort when all you feel like doing is crumble down and let everything go to doom. Learn to mask your disappointment and communicate to have a logical conclusion than a heated discussion. Every ditch is a lesson and every tide is an experience. As long as you trust your feeling for that person, let the storm roll in, hold your fort. The reward might not be enriching, as not all can appreciate the presence of love, but, then, that expectation of the reward should be swallowed to never allow it to surface or you will be disappointed, perhaps not the first time you get your expectation fulfilled, but subsequently. That is the way of life!