Killing me softly...

Who are you, invading my mind?
Your whimsical charms in my hazy sleep,
Turn me mellow.

You torment me with your words,
The seduction passionate and romantic,
The charm irresistible and baffling,
I am caught in the halo of your warmth,
Desperate to hold onto you…

Your smile, lopsided and conspicuous,
The malicious glint in your eyes,
Threatening and challenging,
Warning of the inherent evil,
Yet, your charms are golden,
That melt me in your arms and
The trust in you manifold,
As I precariously step into your world.

The stench of the past,
Revolting and tumultuous,
Yet, your odor, sumptuous and inviting,
I walk through the labyrinth, following you.
Little do I notice, the thorns in the path,
And the carcasses in the corners,
My eyes only for you.

You turn to me, your eyes boring into me,
The smile fixed and the charm on full throttle,
seeking my heart, urging me to rip it out.
The heart in my hands, the blood dripping through the fingers,
I place it at your feet, kneeling infront of you,
Satiated and reverent, at your very presence,
Watching as you pick it up,
Your laugh echoing off the walls,
Ah, the pain, the unbearable pain, as you squish it,
The disbelief in my eyes,
As the life drains out of me,
I implore you to hold me, just once,
In your embrace, my eternal Eden.

The agony, the unbearable agony of your apathy,
A thousand deaths as the life goes out of me,
Oh dear, what have I done?

Why do you have to kill me every day in my dreams?
And why do I wake up, after every death?
A rebirth or a second chance, what is it?
The ingenuity of your torment,
Killing me softly in my dreams,
Yet waking beside me with a smile!!!

Frozen in time...

I wish I can be frozen in time, not breathe, not think, not feel. Just be there, in that timelessness and be lost in the moment of that insanity. I am staring at this piece for the past thirty minutes and it feels like a wish coming true and that I am frozen in time, with no thoughts to bother me. But, alas, that is so not true. My mind works faster and heart even faster, in that, they can force each other to work overtime to gain the sense of time, again!!! I wonder, if there can be volunteers for lab experiments. If yes, I wish I can give them my brain, to do the experiments to compute the logistics of brain waves. I would like to understand mine! And at least, perhaps, in that zone of experimental science, I can find a moment of tranquility! Ah, the extent to which one has to go, to attain a moment’s peace.

It is blissful, this agony, to know, I have none to blame, but me! Trust is such an overrated expression, but, it holds no meaning when it is lost. A misplaced trust can hurt even the super man, what am I, to not feel that heat? But, even as the hurt grays my mind, the weight on my heart just about makes me wish that life is a bit more lenient in its punishments. Is it such a crime, to try and defy my mind? If this is the punishment, then yes, it certainly feels like a crime. 

It is one of those days, where I feel, I need to be invisible or have the super powers to travel miles in a flash. I would run across the globe, a few hundred times, just to exhaust myself and collapse. I wish I can just wrap this entire saga in a cloud and let it float to a distance galaxy, never to return again. Or perhaps, there can be amnesia, where I forget a certain phase of life, never to remember again!!! Better yet, would it not be good to have a switch off button for life? To switch it off when one has no further purpose! I am sure, I am replaceable, none to lament and a place better filled by my absence!

Simple truth

Sometimes I wonder if all that happens is a mere façade, that fades away eventually and what is left, when raw and bare would eventually be revolting. Many times, the paths crossed by the traveling strangers, leave an inexplicable impression which is borne for years to come. These impressions cast out brutal realities and impress the uncertainty of a dream, in that, they are like a trance, offering the fulfillment of lustful desires. But then, few would be like the cast iron realities that promises a lifetime of hell, yet the hold is so powerful that the certainty of doom does not wither the person’s will. That is the way of fate, perhaps! And few would turn out to be paradise, ahhh, how blissful and soulful and how very rare! But it is the deceptive facades that stay the long and turn you inside out and they tend to break the ground brutally and leave the scars, like the strike of lightning on the dear earth. And somehow, these very facades change the very you, making your act a mere façade for all to see. Ah, the callousness of fate!!!

Yet, there will be a point in life, where one questions the mask in the mirror. To break that ice and stand naked, to let the gut know the truth of the act. There lies the courage of the person who can strip to that self and stand through the recurring obscenities and hold the fort and be untouched by the devilish hideousness and redefine oneself to begin the journey, yet again! Every time a trust is broken, a scar is left behind, that which cannot be smoothened by a smile. And neither can you earn that trust back. But the fault does not lie with the person who broke your trust, but in you, in trusting the person and allowing them to hurt you. No one can make you feel what you do not feel, be it the feeling of being used, of being inferior, of being ignored, of being manipulated. That is the simple truth.