These days, I enjoy my cab ride a little too much. The reason being the chauffeur enjoys his job too much. I don’t feel a bump, I don’t feel a discomfort and that is when I sit behind. I relax with the soothing music, my kind of music – soulful, good lyrics and above all, fabulous voice and different music every day. I look out of the window, let the breeze gush onto my face and just about be lost in the words that are in the background. And as the voices behind disappear, I begin to relax and my mind wanders for the day ahead. The cabby doesn’t hurry, doesn’t drive fast and I still reach on time – there is this sense of relaxed mood around him that makes me feel that I have all the time in the world for planning my day. I get in a right mood to the office and get started with the day, in the right frame of mind – relaxed, well planned and completely happy. It made me realize, how much our environment influences the moods one has in a given day. Despite the traffic, despite the honking, despite the pollution – all these are right in front of my eyes, yet I don’t feel the wrath of the effort or frustration. Composed, quiet and focused, he moves on. Isn’t it amazing?
I have had the experience of travelling in different cars with different people at the wheel, few who curse the roads, few who curse the fellow drivers, few who see an empty road and think they can accelerate like a grand prix. Little do they realize the effect of their driving on the fellow passengers. When I sit in these vehicles, I tend to get frustrated as much as they do. I tend to see the anger building in me too- at the other reckless drivers, at the government for the condition of the roads and sometimes, just the frustration of driver. I can probably never understand the intricacies of driving comfortably, but all I know is that, if the driver is not someone who is passionate about his driving, even the ten minutes that takes to reach the destination can lead to a very frustrating few hours of time.
Simple, yet live example of how the environment we live in, influences us. Of course, we can have a mantra something like, “I will be happy. Nothing can spoil my mood or the day ahead. I will be relaxed and calm. I will smile and move ahead..” blah blah.. whatever works! But, this never worked for me.
Jul 29, 2010
Jul 28, 2010
What a waste!
Need some inspiration – to draw out the hidden thoughts from the rusty corners of my mind. Words refuse to form sentences and the shackles holding my brain refuse to break and let go. The intermittent flashes of sense just about evaporates at the thought of “self-time”. As I struggle to form coherent thoughts that pull me into a protective wrap, I sense a desperate need for freedom. I want to go out and shout at the top of my voice, with not a care for the passer by. I want to stand in the middle of the night – in a down pour and feel the cold water rush through me, cleansing the fiery distaste for sanity. I wish to feel the warmth of the fresh morning coffee on a curvy road, surrounded by mountains and fog and take comfort in the rare luxury of such time in hand. I wish to breathe in the air of fresh blue berry muffins, as the vapor reaches my nose, feel the sense of deliciousness and be lost in the delicacy of the flavor. I wish to sit in peace in the isolation of an island, away from the humdrum and buzz of the city life, where the warmth of the morning sun promises a lovely and relaxed day, in the comforts of my glass house. As the music plays on, I wish to close my eyes and let go of myself into the soothing food for soul and just be lethargic. I wish to have a leisure lunch of tasty food, in the luxury of a cottage inn – take my time chewing it, while the timeless classics and endless romance plays on and I can laugh. I wish to stretch back on the bed – with a smile on my face at the fond memories going back in time and spare a moment for the people I loved and cared. I wish to have a dreamless sleep – free of nightmares –that which unwinds the day’s strain. Ah, how I wish I could clone myself and leave her here, while I travel the galaxies of stars and constellations, exploring the outer space and meeting new life. How I wish I could bury myself in a room full of books, not having a need to eat, drink, sleep and be lost in the world of books. How I wish I could meet people with whom I can have conversation without the care of being offended or offending someone – the unguarded thoughts flipping off the mind, letting go of myself and being free of shackles – of mind and soul!
Why need comforts? Why need things in life that should have some meaning? Could not happiness be found in the insignificant trivialities of mundane? Is finding sanity such luxury? Why have things for the heck of having them, when they offer little comfort? The thoughtlessness of actions, that define the course of life, seemingly difficult to fathom, are not so difficult, once stripped to the bare essentials of truth and classifying the need – necessity and petty. Breaking the shackles is not that difficult either – who cares if I have that cast iron round my leg, that holds me to the pole, when I refuse to move an inch- with or without the cuff? And if I really want to break that manacle – will the cuff stand a chance at the power of my will? No. Yet, the shackles are there – invisible and invincible, held by the figments of imagination that have little clarity.
I sit comfortably, thinking of life and seemingly feel the despair of the monotony that irks me to the core. Am I a part of the herd, guided by the invisible whip of the monthly paychecks – the higher, the greater the dissatisfaction? What, if any, is the point of earning bread and butter through the channels that have so little to offer? Yet, I find myself drawn to the possibility of vision, mine and theirs, together, to make a better product. And I still cling on, in hope of deriving the pleasure in creating something – however repetitive it would be. The process of creation itself a journey towards fulfillment. There is no self-discovery in this process. There is no higher conscience here, that which can be looked up to. Yet, the journey goes on. What a waste!
Why need comforts? Why need things in life that should have some meaning? Could not happiness be found in the insignificant trivialities of mundane? Is finding sanity such luxury? Why have things for the heck of having them, when they offer little comfort? The thoughtlessness of actions, that define the course of life, seemingly difficult to fathom, are not so difficult, once stripped to the bare essentials of truth and classifying the need – necessity and petty. Breaking the shackles is not that difficult either – who cares if I have that cast iron round my leg, that holds me to the pole, when I refuse to move an inch- with or without the cuff? And if I really want to break that manacle – will the cuff stand a chance at the power of my will? No. Yet, the shackles are there – invisible and invincible, held by the figments of imagination that have little clarity.
I sit comfortably, thinking of life and seemingly feel the despair of the monotony that irks me to the core. Am I a part of the herd, guided by the invisible whip of the monthly paychecks – the higher, the greater the dissatisfaction? What, if any, is the point of earning bread and butter through the channels that have so little to offer? Yet, I find myself drawn to the possibility of vision, mine and theirs, together, to make a better product. And I still cling on, in hope of deriving the pleasure in creating something – however repetitive it would be. The process of creation itself a journey towards fulfillment. There is no self-discovery in this process. There is no higher conscience here, that which can be looked up to. Yet, the journey goes on. What a waste!
Jul 27, 2010
Inception
Inception – wow! The limitless possibilities of dreams and the dream world are for one and all! Dreams have some rather special way of making one feel, particularly when they can be recollected and relived. And if dreams are an interpretation of our subconscious mind, then, what plays out in the dream as an action sequence can very well be an influencing factor in our day-to-day life. How many times did one get up from a dream only to realize it was hardly ten minutes that one dozed off? But the effect of that dream lasts for some time, particularly if it is a dream that has some significance to an internal conflict. I have had such dreams many a time and have been influenced by them too. And watching “Inception” left me feeling thrilled and excited.
Inception – is about a team that extracts dreams and there by extract certain confidential information from people. The extraction of the dreams is created in an environment where the people are asleep in certain proximity with the help of a sedative and they share a dream world orchestrated by the architect. The killing inside the dream awakens the subject. Extreme pain also awakens the subject, if the sedative is insufficient. Dominic Cobb (Leonardo Dicaprio) is the most sought after extractor, who is approached by a wealthy man, Saito(Wantanabe) who promises the one thing Leonardo desperately craves for, his reunion with his kids, if he inserts an idea into his competitor’s mind. The movie is about the orchestration of this inception.
A visual treat, with amazing screen play and back ground score. The clear demarcation of reality and the dream left me intrigued throughout the movie. The world created in the dream, the figment of imagination by the architect, has quite a few unbelievable visuals – particularly the one fight scene in the hotel lobby left me gaping at the screen. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie from the word GO. A subtle love story, executed brilliantly and conceptually different to the current movies. Demands a re-watch and I will honour its demand soon J. If one finds themselves bewildered despite paying attention for two and half hours, well, it takes sometime to leave an impression, particularly if sci-fi is not in your blood, but otherwise, it is difficult to think that it is a two and half hour movie. The time flies, with the gripping action and the ending – leaving the audience at a cliff hanger – let the imagination fly!
But, just imagine, being manipulated by a “dream snatcher”, not knowing if the idea originated from you or from someone else? Imagine, if the subconscious has become a slave to someone else’s imagination? Shudder! Slightly difficult to digest that thought, but never mind! This movie has some conscience, there is no evil conniving conspirator, to seduce the subconscious and induce the ideas – out there! Your dreams are safe! So, dream away and dream high and fly high!!! And enjoy the movie!
Inception – is about a team that extracts dreams and there by extract certain confidential information from people. The extraction of the dreams is created in an environment where the people are asleep in certain proximity with the help of a sedative and they share a dream world orchestrated by the architect. The killing inside the dream awakens the subject. Extreme pain also awakens the subject, if the sedative is insufficient. Dominic Cobb (Leonardo Dicaprio) is the most sought after extractor, who is approached by a wealthy man, Saito(Wantanabe) who promises the one thing Leonardo desperately craves for, his reunion with his kids, if he inserts an idea into his competitor’s mind. The movie is about the orchestration of this inception.
A visual treat, with amazing screen play and back ground score. The clear demarcation of reality and the dream left me intrigued throughout the movie. The world created in the dream, the figment of imagination by the architect, has quite a few unbelievable visuals – particularly the one fight scene in the hotel lobby left me gaping at the screen. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie from the word GO. A subtle love story, executed brilliantly and conceptually different to the current movies. Demands a re-watch and I will honour its demand soon J. If one finds themselves bewildered despite paying attention for two and half hours, well, it takes sometime to leave an impression, particularly if sci-fi is not in your blood, but otherwise, it is difficult to think that it is a two and half hour movie. The time flies, with the gripping action and the ending – leaving the audience at a cliff hanger – let the imagination fly!
But, just imagine, being manipulated by a “dream snatcher”, not knowing if the idea originated from you or from someone else? Imagine, if the subconscious has become a slave to someone else’s imagination? Shudder! Slightly difficult to digest that thought, but never mind! This movie has some conscience, there is no evil conniving conspirator, to seduce the subconscious and induce the ideas – out there! Your dreams are safe! So, dream away and dream high and fly high!!! And enjoy the movie!
Jul 26, 2010
Restless Mind!!!
Wonder what it is to be lonely! Does it mean that one awaits company in the middle of the night, when the eyes refuse to droop and the dreams continue to elude you? Does it mean that one seeks pleasure in the meaningless chatter with trial and errors and find that the world is asleep to keep you entertained? Does it mean flipping the channels from one to nine ninety nine, knowing that there is nothing interesting in the thousand channels that are telecasted and that you are on your own to survive the boredom? Does it mean that the thoughts surrounding your mind in the middle of the night have ten search results in Google and that the vagueness of one’s mind is insufficient for the search engine that requires precise key words? In that middle of the night, apart from the brain not sending the signals that it should probably shutdown for the day, it refuses to co-operate even for the economical and logical words that can provide a few search results to give you company, will that be considered lonely? Complicated thoughts!
When loneliness is a pinnacle, would it be unendurable? When one searches for the sanity of one’s mind in the pleasure of someone else and one requires the happiness of someone to be happy, then yes, it is unendurable! If loneliness is a state of being left to the comfort or discomfort of one’s thoughts, shouldn’t that be intoxicating? But if those thoughts surround the coldness of the night or the cold shoulders of the dear ones, can it be intoxicating? The illusions of the care or warmth of the near and dear ones is a revolting thought when stripped to the bare essentials of reality, yet the illusion is what is craved for. To need, to crave, to yearn, to want – all these are various forms of self-imposed drudgery that requires ruthless execution! In such case, loneliness is certainly a slavery! No wonder loneliness is painful! Yet, how can one forget the most important company? The dear old self? The good old self? The “self” that held you whole when your world is shredded? The “self” that pushed you beyond the pit holes of failed love? The “self” that rushed to assist you when you buckled down at the onset of mirthless life?
Loneliness is only painful when the expectations bar raises beyond reason. And it is unendurable when one forgets the “self” that is of prime importance in life. Thinking for people, whoever they may be, is such a waste of time. Despite the certainty of coming out as selfish and rude, if one enjoys the company of self more than anyone else, then it would be better to enjoy that, than crucify oneself by indulging in the heart games. The crass thoughts of life and death, the gush of blood through veins, the headache and heart ache are completely avoidable, when one trusts oneself and that nothing and no one is bigger than self. Tears are also such a waste – saving them for a better day might perhaps harvest the parched lands! And killing oneself – certainly not required – unless one’s sole purpose in life is to fulfill the obligation of satisfying every Tom, Dick and Harry, who, by the way will NEVER be satisfied.
My mind was conked beyond reason and my endurance, of which I was never proud, just about evaporated. When I cannot live with the consequences of my conscientious choices, then, I have no claim to cry “pain” and if that is what I get, for being me, well, the thoughts are not worth it. There are only so many people I let into my life and there are only handful who get to see the real me, and if they wish to toy with my emotions, well, what can I say? That mistakes merely make me human? But then, don’t blame me if the stage gets too hot. When it comes to self-preservation, there is no one colder than me!
When loneliness is a pinnacle, would it be unendurable? When one searches for the sanity of one’s mind in the pleasure of someone else and one requires the happiness of someone to be happy, then yes, it is unendurable! If loneliness is a state of being left to the comfort or discomfort of one’s thoughts, shouldn’t that be intoxicating? But if those thoughts surround the coldness of the night or the cold shoulders of the dear ones, can it be intoxicating? The illusions of the care or warmth of the near and dear ones is a revolting thought when stripped to the bare essentials of reality, yet the illusion is what is craved for. To need, to crave, to yearn, to want – all these are various forms of self-imposed drudgery that requires ruthless execution! In such case, loneliness is certainly a slavery! No wonder loneliness is painful! Yet, how can one forget the most important company? The dear old self? The good old self? The “self” that held you whole when your world is shredded? The “self” that pushed you beyond the pit holes of failed love? The “self” that rushed to assist you when you buckled down at the onset of mirthless life?
Loneliness is only painful when the expectations bar raises beyond reason. And it is unendurable when one forgets the “self” that is of prime importance in life. Thinking for people, whoever they may be, is such a waste of time. Despite the certainty of coming out as selfish and rude, if one enjoys the company of self more than anyone else, then it would be better to enjoy that, than crucify oneself by indulging in the heart games. The crass thoughts of life and death, the gush of blood through veins, the headache and heart ache are completely avoidable, when one trusts oneself and that nothing and no one is bigger than self. Tears are also such a waste – saving them for a better day might perhaps harvest the parched lands! And killing oneself – certainly not required – unless one’s sole purpose in life is to fulfill the obligation of satisfying every Tom, Dick and Harry, who, by the way will NEVER be satisfied.
My mind was conked beyond reason and my endurance, of which I was never proud, just about evaporated. When I cannot live with the consequences of my conscientious choices, then, I have no claim to cry “pain” and if that is what I get, for being me, well, the thoughts are not worth it. There are only so many people I let into my life and there are only handful who get to see the real me, and if they wish to toy with my emotions, well, what can I say? That mistakes merely make me human? But then, don’t blame me if the stage gets too hot. When it comes to self-preservation, there is no one colder than me!
Jul 11, 2010
Things from past...
My grandfather is an icon to me. He is a legend who continues to inspire me, despite my indiscipline in my day-to-day life. And last night, the sweet pillow talks (NOT with my husband!) with my grand mother gave another small opening into the person he was. And this was a side I would never ever believe existed, not to my grand father and if someone else would have told me the same story, including my mom, I would have brushed it off as her fantasy! (Oh yes, my mom has a way of telling stories – those are for some other time!).
My grand parents stayed in Mumbai (Bombay then) during the initial days of their marriage, as grand pa was posted there. It seems that some of the days he used to cook food for her! (guffaww!!! I mean – late 50s, who would believe it? But then, I guess, guys then are much more romantic than the 20 or 30 something people now!). Though my grand pa culinary skills are not something to be talked about (Mind you, this is the statement from my grand ma, not me, though I would not put too much trust into that, for she does not like anyone’s cooking apart from herself and her sisters!)… he used to make break fast and morning coffee for her and spend a few minutes having it along with her, before he started the main course! It seems that his favourite was Dal rice and more often than not he made that, or may be, that is the easiest to make! ;)! Whatever, but still, he made an effort to do it for her and the kids in the house! How fab! It seems that every Sunday, he would take her out to an outside lunch and a movie and then follow it up with a walk into the fish market to pick up fish!
Now, I had a tough time imagining this, for I have never NEVER seen him enter kitchen, forget about cooking! And in all the talks I ever had with him, he said that it is a woman’s responsibility to handle the kitchen and kitchen is the place, where even the most dominant man has to submit to his wife. I confronted my mom about this in the morning, asking her if she remembered her dad cooking food for her, which she vehemently denied, saying, “My dad? In kitchen?!” – well, what can I say, I cannot agree that this is a figment of my imagination! She did agree to the fact that they went out every Sunday, leaving them in the neighbour’s house or locking them in the house! “Oh, they used to enjoy a lot! Any holiday and any weekend, they had the time of their lives!” Hmm…
Perhaps – the novelty in the relation lasted long or perhaps, the love lasted! Who knows! Over the years I have watched them grow old, I know that he cared for her more than he cared for himself! I know that he ached when she ached and I know that he lulled her when she had her tiffs with her kids and I know he held her comfortably when she was tired, running behind me all day! Of course, that cuddle had me in his arms too!!! There is something about a strong shoulder to lean on – knowing that the world’s largest monsters cannot move him an inch, if there ever comes a point where they want to swallow me or grand ma! Hehehehe! Oh Grand pa, how I miss you and your words of wisdom! Perhaps, now, even more – especially since I started this new journey with a person whose interests and ideas are so far from mine! They are like galaxies away – like yours and grand ma’s! but I guess, the commitment you people had to make it work - kudos for that! I know through your words that your life was made easy with her presence and had she not been as supportive as she was – to leave her comfort zone and move into a whole new world – not knowing the language, not knowing the place – yet willing to travel with you – leaving everyone she loved behind, to make her world with you, it would have been a difficult shuffle between family, commute and your job! I cannot imagine if I would ever be willing to make such offerings in my life, however! May be that is the difference between the generations! That the woman in the relationships now has more voice, more interests and definite set of goals, for which marriage is more of a hindrance than a scaffold that pushes her forward! Perhaps the same holds good for the guys too! but if the guys are old fashioned who believe that they should be the head of the family and their decision is final and that they need to take care of their family for every nook and cranny, few would say –it is romantic, I would say- it is depressing – particularly when the girl is independent – to have her wings cut out and feel like a jail bird. Knowing that it is not her place to make the choices and feeling that she is staying as a mistress in the house in which she should have been a Queen. She might just survive, but it would eventually kill the relationship when mere strangers exist in the house hold than wife and husband! But that is the trend of the relationships where the compromise act does not seem to have any meaning these days!
Anyway, the intricacies of relations are too early for me to fathom. For now, let me bask in the beauty of the love my grand parents and parents shared – as I continue to listen to their tales of love as they continue their journey through life!
My grand parents stayed in Mumbai (Bombay then) during the initial days of their marriage, as grand pa was posted there. It seems that some of the days he used to cook food for her! (guffaww!!! I mean – late 50s, who would believe it? But then, I guess, guys then are much more romantic than the 20 or 30 something people now!). Though my grand pa culinary skills are not something to be talked about (Mind you, this is the statement from my grand ma, not me, though I would not put too much trust into that, for she does not like anyone’s cooking apart from herself and her sisters!)… he used to make break fast and morning coffee for her and spend a few minutes having it along with her, before he started the main course! It seems that his favourite was Dal rice and more often than not he made that, or may be, that is the easiest to make! ;)! Whatever, but still, he made an effort to do it for her and the kids in the house! How fab! It seems that every Sunday, he would take her out to an outside lunch and a movie and then follow it up with a walk into the fish market to pick up fish!
Now, I had a tough time imagining this, for I have never NEVER seen him enter kitchen, forget about cooking! And in all the talks I ever had with him, he said that it is a woman’s responsibility to handle the kitchen and kitchen is the place, where even the most dominant man has to submit to his wife. I confronted my mom about this in the morning, asking her if she remembered her dad cooking food for her, which she vehemently denied, saying, “My dad? In kitchen?!” – well, what can I say, I cannot agree that this is a figment of my imagination! She did agree to the fact that they went out every Sunday, leaving them in the neighbour’s house or locking them in the house! “Oh, they used to enjoy a lot! Any holiday and any weekend, they had the time of their lives!” Hmm…
Perhaps – the novelty in the relation lasted long or perhaps, the love lasted! Who knows! Over the years I have watched them grow old, I know that he cared for her more than he cared for himself! I know that he ached when she ached and I know that he lulled her when she had her tiffs with her kids and I know he held her comfortably when she was tired, running behind me all day! Of course, that cuddle had me in his arms too!!! There is something about a strong shoulder to lean on – knowing that the world’s largest monsters cannot move him an inch, if there ever comes a point where they want to swallow me or grand ma! Hehehehe! Oh Grand pa, how I miss you and your words of wisdom! Perhaps, now, even more – especially since I started this new journey with a person whose interests and ideas are so far from mine! They are like galaxies away – like yours and grand ma’s! but I guess, the commitment you people had to make it work - kudos for that! I know through your words that your life was made easy with her presence and had she not been as supportive as she was – to leave her comfort zone and move into a whole new world – not knowing the language, not knowing the place – yet willing to travel with you – leaving everyone she loved behind, to make her world with you, it would have been a difficult shuffle between family, commute and your job! I cannot imagine if I would ever be willing to make such offerings in my life, however! May be that is the difference between the generations! That the woman in the relationships now has more voice, more interests and definite set of goals, for which marriage is more of a hindrance than a scaffold that pushes her forward! Perhaps the same holds good for the guys too! but if the guys are old fashioned who believe that they should be the head of the family and their decision is final and that they need to take care of their family for every nook and cranny, few would say –it is romantic, I would say- it is depressing – particularly when the girl is independent – to have her wings cut out and feel like a jail bird. Knowing that it is not her place to make the choices and feeling that she is staying as a mistress in the house in which she should have been a Queen. She might just survive, but it would eventually kill the relationship when mere strangers exist in the house hold than wife and husband! But that is the trend of the relationships where the compromise act does not seem to have any meaning these days!
Anyway, the intricacies of relations are too early for me to fathom. For now, let me bask in the beauty of the love my grand parents and parents shared – as I continue to listen to their tales of love as they continue their journey through life!
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