My grandfather is an icon to me. He is a legend who continues to inspire me, despite my indiscipline in my day-to-day life. And last night, the sweet pillow talks (NOT with my husband!) with my grand mother gave another small opening into the person he was. And this was a side I would never ever believe existed, not to my grand father and if someone else would have told me the same story, including my mom, I would have brushed it off as her fantasy! (Oh yes, my mom has a way of telling stories – those are for some other time!).
My grand parents stayed in Mumbai (Bombay then) during the initial days of their marriage, as grand pa was posted there. It seems that some of the days he used to cook food for her! (guffaww!!! I mean – late 50s, who would believe it? But then, I guess, guys then are much more romantic than the 20 or 30 something people now!). Though my grand pa culinary skills are not something to be talked about (Mind you, this is the statement from my grand ma, not me, though I would not put too much trust into that, for she does not like anyone’s cooking apart from herself and her sisters!)… he used to make break fast and morning coffee for her and spend a few minutes having it along with her, before he started the main course! It seems that his favourite was Dal rice and more often than not he made that, or may be, that is the easiest to make! ;)! Whatever, but still, he made an effort to do it for her and the kids in the house! How fab! It seems that every Sunday, he would take her out to an outside lunch and a movie and then follow it up with a walk into the fish market to pick up fish!
Now, I had a tough time imagining this, for I have never NEVER seen him enter kitchen, forget about cooking! And in all the talks I ever had with him, he said that it is a woman’s responsibility to handle the kitchen and kitchen is the place, where even the most dominant man has to submit to his wife. I confronted my mom about this in the morning, asking her if she remembered her dad cooking food for her, which she vehemently denied, saying, “My dad? In kitchen?!” – well, what can I say, I cannot agree that this is a figment of my imagination! She did agree to the fact that they went out every Sunday, leaving them in the neighbour’s house or locking them in the house! “Oh, they used to enjoy a lot! Any holiday and any weekend, they had the time of their lives!” Hmm…
Perhaps – the novelty in the relation lasted long or perhaps, the love lasted! Who knows! Over the years I have watched them grow old, I know that he cared for her more than he cared for himself! I know that he ached when she ached and I know that he lulled her when she had her tiffs with her kids and I know he held her comfortably when she was tired, running behind me all day! Of course, that cuddle had me in his arms too!!! There is something about a strong shoulder to lean on – knowing that the world’s largest monsters cannot move him an inch, if there ever comes a point where they want to swallow me or grand ma! Hehehehe! Oh Grand pa, how I miss you and your words of wisdom! Perhaps, now, even more – especially since I started this new journey with a person whose interests and ideas are so far from mine! They are like galaxies away – like yours and grand ma’s! but I guess, the commitment you people had to make it work - kudos for that! I know through your words that your life was made easy with her presence and had she not been as supportive as she was – to leave her comfort zone and move into a whole new world – not knowing the language, not knowing the place – yet willing to travel with you – leaving everyone she loved behind, to make her world with you, it would have been a difficult shuffle between family, commute and your job! I cannot imagine if I would ever be willing to make such offerings in my life, however! May be that is the difference between the generations! That the woman in the relationships now has more voice, more interests and definite set of goals, for which marriage is more of a hindrance than a scaffold that pushes her forward! Perhaps the same holds good for the guys too! but if the guys are old fashioned who believe that they should be the head of the family and their decision is final and that they need to take care of their family for every nook and cranny, few would say –it is romantic, I would say- it is depressing – particularly when the girl is independent – to have her wings cut out and feel like a jail bird. Knowing that it is not her place to make the choices and feeling that she is staying as a mistress in the house in which she should have been a Queen. She might just survive, but it would eventually kill the relationship when mere strangers exist in the house hold than wife and husband! But that is the trend of the relationships where the compromise act does not seem to have any meaning these days!
Anyway, the intricacies of relations are too early for me to fathom. For now, let me bask in the beauty of the love my grand parents and parents shared – as I continue to listen to their tales of love as they continue their journey through life!
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