Ramble...

What is it with questions that irk people? Is it because the answers to them are inconvenient or is it because it is the guilt of knowing that the truth hurts or is it because of plain ego that refuses to give answers? What is it in the ego that demands instant obedience (for lack of better word) and sacrifice? Are these the only things it can understand? Not love or pain?

“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I don’t require you, damn it.”
“Fine. Now let’s talk something else.”
“I don’t understand. PERIOD”

How many times have we heard those before, from one or the other or probably from one’s own echo? How easy is it to cut people from their voices, just because one cannot bear the thought? And just because one cannot understand the concept, does that mean that the concept doesn’t exist? Despite evolving over centuries and despite languages evolving beautifully, there is something about words that are difficult to fathom. Despite the cross cultural differences being shunned to nothing, the language of loved ones remains a mystery. Sometimes, I feel that the beauty of anything lies in its confined boundary. The laugh that bubbles in the throat, the unfinished thought, the breath held, the memory lingered – all within confinement are beautiful. The moment the laugh succeeds in coming out of that throat, it could be a giggle… the unfinished thought might be cruel, the expended breath is nothing but poison and the memory lingered is the proof of non-existent truth. Just like words are poured out of the heart only to be trampled upon. Just stop and consider – how the words that are slipped influence someone else! No, not until it comes back and bites you in the a$$... For some God forsaken reason, that still does not stop one from being spiteful!

To think, that there is love and respect – oh well, these are even difficult to find. The people we love are taken for granted and the respect never survives through the years of knowing someone personally. Sometimes I feel that living underground or below the sea is far better. The worst one can find are carcasses or sharks that swallow you. Not people who deliberately try to hurt you. No people, period. So much better – living a life alone. Parents, friends, partners, kids – all are really mere illusions that a comfortable mind creates – they do not exist. They are mere charades put on to quench the demands of society. Damn the society to hell, for demanding hell for everyone. Damn the relations to hell, for demanding the little peace in life.

I am frustrated about a lot of things, things that never made sense and are now nearly impossible to decipher. How true is it that in the ambitious life, everyone is a mere player in everyone else’s playground? Where emotions hold no meaning or value. One day, when we stop the play, we will realize, one did not make any progress, but every one is damn bloody and exhausted and an inch closer to death. Perhaps, even then, hell and heaven have a battle! God, please chase the nightmares away. I don’t need them and I am happy without them. And if you are still listening, you know what to do…please… don’t give me things and take them away – don’t give them, period! I don’t need them or want them.