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Are these questions?

Pool… Hmpf! A cue and six pockets and a load of pass time. Was trying out my hand in pool yesterday and thank God, my parents did not think I need to become a pool player. I am ridiculously qualified for it. I knew I was not cut out for sports or for that matter any activities that involve a crowd, for me 2 is a crowd, I am glad I was proven right yet again. But then, like to chill out once in a while, books though offer me a solace like no friend can, a game can take your concentration else where.

But, I saw a person play pool, the likes of which I have long since forgotten and in fact he gave me a new dimension to look at in the game. Wonder why he was playing an amateur game instead of trying out his hand else where! Anyways, not my place to throw around words.

But somehow the game is captivating and I only want to play it more… Suddenly I realise how very far I came from enjoying life for what it is and how serious I have become in my life or rather, how I have let go of a lot of things that were dear to me. Be it running, be it singing, be it painting… I just gave everything up in a second and never turned back to any of those things and now when I want to turn back I cannot, because something pulls me back. It certainly is not the fear of losing, I have seen it all. It certainly cannot be embarrassment. I have had enough share of that too… but then, I should have been accustomed to it by now, anyways! Then what is it? Was I not enjoying the game last evening? Was I not raring to hit it and see if I still have that killer in me? Why is it that I am unable to feel free? Why is it that I am unable to break the barriers that I seem to have constructed round myself? Why is it that I feel locked inside myself? What is stopping me from just relaxing and enjoy the day, in its glory? Questions and questions. How many questions do I have in life? Are my uncertainties coming back to haunt me? When I was a kid, questions were a part of my growing up. Now, questions have become a synonym to me. Am I willing to let myself ponder a while longer in this maze?

The answer is surprisingly simple. I just do not enjoy doing a few things any more. But, why is something I have no answer for. May be it is this me who stopped taking her life for what it is and is running to make it something that she does not want to comprehend! Surprising how a few things in your life become clear as you sit with yourself and learn to understand the why’s.

Comments

Su.. said…
Why?

Ya that has been your fav word since quite sometime now.. (loooonng time infact).. Is it the mind that always rules the body?? Being lazy.. Not able to enjoy..Unable to break the barriers.. Isnt it this stupid mind that sets in the poison so concentrated and so deep within that one finds it tough to break the shackles even if they try to..

Do what you feel like doing forgetting every crap associated with you..Only then will you understand the so called concept of life..

Ok.. This was probably written in some book.. :p...

There is no age limit for a person to stop enjoying.. One is still a kid if one wants to.. Who cares about the world :-)!!
October 22, 2008
Mahita said…
Forgetting is not an easy task in life. :). Age is not a barrier to the kid in you, but ur conscience is a barrier... :) and ur mind a powerful master ...
October 22, 2008
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