Disclaimer

You are at the risk of entering my world as I see it. Any resemblance to people or situations to the real world is coincidental. The names and characters are fictional and the fiction posts are a mere fantasy of my whim. This is a make-believe world of my complex mind and while I try not to be offensive, if the content is too strong, please do not continue reading the post.

Jan 13, 2011

... trying to be less lonesome

Realizing that there is no guarantee for the next second of life, we still hunt around for dreams, walk down the paths – sometimes alone and sometimes in company of people we cherish, yet, never stop and ponder, if we bothered to do the right things and say the right words at the right moment. What if, there is someone out there, screaming for your help in their dreams? What if there is someone out there, who perhaps is wondering the same thought that you are having at this instant? What if, your loved one has received the most coveted achievement of his life and is gloating in happiness for the feeling to sink in and is planning on how to tell you about it, while you are down in a dump not having the heart to feel the happiness? What if you are the most significant person in someone else’s life and don’t even know it? What if, no one ever told you that they love you and you would never know if you have been loved? When we are running around for success, chasing the dreams that are significant, sometimes, the people who cast those dreams for us, seem nowhere in sight. The people who are part of that dream seem unimportant. People who share those dreams are unimportant. “I” being the most prolific of expressions, “I” takes over “us”. And suddenly, everything else seems insignificant. The satisfaction of the crowning victory of the dream seems to be the only thing that matters. At that stellar achievement, is there no one who comes to mind, who would share that happiness with you? Who believed in your dreams and in you? If the answer to that question is “no”, then the achievement is just trash. We all need someone, ONE person, at least, who believes in us. But, finding that someone is the key. “We are lonesome animals. We spend all our life trying to be less lonesome.”

We meet people along the way of life. Few become the stalwarts whose presence makes a significant impact. Few relations lead to conflicting emotions of love and affection. Few become the star performers in the dreams. Few are mere obstacles. Few are part of life, yet insignificant. Few are not part of life, yet are significant. Essentially, people play role that steers the wheel of life. Words are spoken, thoughts exchanged, promises said out loud, vows exchanged, all of which form a time capsule. And I cannot help but wonder, how many of these incidents have a ring of truth to them. Like, if there ever was a meaning to: “I will be there for you, always, forever. Remember that!” or “I love you” or “I miss you”? I keep thinking, sometimes, in the heat of the moment there are a lot of words exchanged. Some are good, some are bad, but how many are the truth? Eventually, as the tide turns, silence rules the world, even between the thickest of the companions. If words become a lie, the “companionable silence” eventually makes it worse. Have you ever wondered, when the companionable silence becomes silence? Where even the whispers of the inner voice can become screams of pleasure or pain? It just creeps up on you, like old age, never sounding a horn at its arrival, just the glaring obvious truth in the deafening silence. And is the journey back to companionable silence hard? Is there a journey back? Back to the time where the words roll off the tongue, even with the intention of fully falsifying them in the future? Back to where silence is more of a comfort than of an insult or prejudice?

When the dusk sets in on life, there is time to wallow in thoughts. There is time, period. That is when, the hard questions of life start making an appearance. When young and blood runs through veins and muscles seem strong to move mountains and the world is at your mercy, there is no time for thoughts. But when, the wrinkled body withers further, for every strong move of the wind, at that instant, who is your companion? Who is your alter ego? Who is the reason for your smile? Who is the wind beneath your wings? When the good and the bad pass through the eyes, can you withstand the phase without regret? What about the moments where you missed out on saying out loud about how much you care about someone? Will you regret them? will the stellar achievements hold any meaning? Will the anger towards someone hold any meaning? When the end approaches like a whistle, shrieking loud enough to wake the dead or steal your soul, will you be content or will you harbor regrets that push you to hell? These are hard questions for someone who wants to be less lonesome and there is never a right time to find answers to these!

"It seems to me that, if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live that our death brings no pleasure to the world." – John Steinback
Every day, we move closer and every day we move further away. We move closer to the end and we move further and further away from the clear water. The murkiness of the future gets thicker and thicker. Every day! Perhaps it is time to think of a way to live life, if it is a life that is a harbinger of doom at dusk or a recipe for content.

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