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“These last few years have been the best, in my life. Waking up every day, because, for once, the reality is far better than the dreams, because of you. And the sleepless nights have been a bliss, thinking about you, whispering your words over and over, again and again, waiting for the night to be over, just to look at you the next morning. To see you smile, to know that I caused that smile, to feel it in my heart, that fond glow that embraces me. You are one person, who made all the difference in my life. And today, is the best day in my life. Watching you work for that dream has been a mangled expression of awe and pain. Though this means that it would push you half way across the world, knowing that you are pursuing your dreams and knowing that you are happy, will help me get through the days. You know, even though I am alone, there is this another person inside me, the person who is insanely in love with you. She remembers every second of the last few years. The distance matters little, when every nerve in her body screams your name and every time your name pops up, she is this glowing person who is very proud of you. She fully intends to give me company, so don’t you worry about me at all”, she said to her most favorite person in this whole wide world and the only person in her world.
He looked at the happiness on her face, wondering if anything he ever did will ever shatter that pride he heard in her voice, when she spoke his name. He endured the months of desperation and succeeded, thanks to her unwavering belief and today, when those dreams are this close to becoming a reality, he was torn between happiness and despair. He just took one step towards the dream and already, the past threatened to fade away. Clinging to the past would mean that the dream would remain a dream and pushing the past away, means that the reality will drown him. Past, he said that word over and over in his head. Every time he said that word, it was like a knife stab through his heart. The significance of that stab is not lost on him.
“Thank you, for everything”, he said, with an emotion that was too difficult to put in words.
She looked at him for a long time, wondering if something was wrong. She was lost in the moment of his glory, that she failed to notice the trepidation in his eyes. She could not explain the dread in her heart, yet, she knew that this day, she would not forget.
“What is it? Are you worried about us?”, she asked. He continued to look at her, unsure how to respond.
“We are going to be OK. We will work something out. Don’t worry”, she said, moving closer to him.
He stepped back. She stopped, taken aback. She looked at him, with comprehension in her eyes. “It’s over, isn’t it?”, she asked, with calm conviction.
He took a step closer to her. She stepped back and turned around. The ensuring silence deafening in her ears. For one moment, the world came crashing down on her. Was it a moment ago that she said that reality was too good to be in a dream. She has been wrong all along. She lived in a dream, seeing what she thought she saw. Because only in dreams, she was happy. She chased those dreams and the reality crept up on her. And now, the swallowing darkness has no light from any corner, to show a path. The darkness is much harsher, when the light that sparkled in that path extinguished. He was the light in the path she pursued.
She turned around. “Why?”, she asked and the whisper made that question a raging tornado in his heart. He looked at the emptiness in her eyes and he had no words to say, no words that would shun out the emptiness. He took another step closer to her. She stood looking at him.
“I’m sorry”, was all he could muster. She stood there, for a few more moments, trying to make sense of those words. Sorry for what? Sorry for taking away the life line? Sorry for inflicting the pain she never thought was possible? And he had the gall to stand there and look worried and hurt? She looked at him longer, anger creeping in. How dare he be sorry for her? How dare he threaten to feel sorry for the one thing that meant everything to her? How dare he, to take away the rationale in her pain? The pain that seems to be the only reality of her life, from now!
“Do you like to see me in pain?”, she asked with a tormented voice.
“No. No. No, that is not what I want. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want …”, he lost his train of thought at the expression on her face.
“Watch me learn to forget you”, she said and stormed out of the room, leaving him stunned.
He looked at her retreating back, knowing full well that he destroyed something very pure and sacred and he would be marred for the rest of his life in search of that sacred thing. He sighed. He underestimated her pain when he agreed that it was over and her words “Watch me forget you” did kill him. Unlearning an emotion is not an easy thing. For unlearning, she has to feel the emotion, relive it and then strip it inch by inch by inch, dying a thousand times and there is no guarantee that she would ever succeed and honestly, does he want her to do that? Does he want her to forget him? Does he want her to erase the best part of his life to nothingness? Does he want to be erased from her life? “Hell no”, he thought. Yet he would not do anything, not when there are his dreams that are at stake.
“Congratulations! You just took the first step towards your soul destruction. There, you see that? That girl was the best ever thing that happened to you and you think that your dream has any meaning without her? You will find out soon enough. Just when you find out, be sure to have a well padded body, for when you fall flat, you need some cushioning to take the pain”, his conscience mocked him. Just like that, the start of a wonderful life looked turbulent. Just like that, he stripped apart a life to pieces and he intends to construct his dream on the shattered pieces.
She walked out of the house and started walking to no where in particular. She could hear nothing and she could see nothing. The monotonous foot after foot took her in some direction, the road disappearing beneath her and suddenly she felt air whoosh past her, a truck barely missing her. She stood stock still and looked around. She was standing in the middle of a road with vehicles moving past her. She could hear the voices all around her.
“Mommy, ice cream” she heard some kid speak.
“Are you out of your mind? Move lady”, she heard someone yell.
HONK HONK… she looked around once more and started moving. Life moves on, every one else’s life moves on, except hers, for now! For now, her life has no meaning, no direction, no purpose, yet she has to move on and get on with life. She smiled sardonically.
“Welcome to the reality! For what its worth, your dream was great”, her conscience mocked!
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