Mindset!!

When a person is in a negative frame of mind, anything and everything that happens around that person tends to contribute to the negative emotions in that person. This means that, even though the random act of kindness which would have been considered positive, tend to turn out to be frustrating aspects to that person. Like, if I am in a negative frame of mind and my sister, lets out an off hand comment that the dress I was wearing was not great, I might tend to let it pass if I was in a normal mood, but, since I was in a negative frame of mind, I tend to judge that she was being critical of me. This happens more often than not. For that matter, if she goes that extra mile and tends to make me a cup of coffee, I tend to look out for a reason to see why she is being nice and if by chance she asks me what is the time, I know that she made me this cup of coffee to ask me the time. (I know, I am being ridiculous here, but, then, I am just trying to say that the positive deeds that tend to normally fall in the good deeds category, suddenly become opportunistic and manipulative, when the person’s perspective is negative and boggled down with turmoil of whatever sort!).

I was reading about the frame of mind and how it influences the day or the life of the person and I have to say, I was on a roll by the time I completed the first page! I was on a roll because I think there is a little too much of theory to prove the author’s point. But, I was wondering, if one has trusted a person with all his heart and that person broke the trust, that would definitely put the person on the defensive to ever be able to trust the same person again and since the person has gone through what it feels like to have the trust broken, it also puts him on guard to ever be able to trust another person at the same level! In these situations, despite the passage of time, it is not easy to open up or be in a positive frame of mind. If that is the case, how would one get over it? Despite knowing that the chances coming his way might thin down with the passage of time and that he might be missing some truly astounding people because he is unwilling to trust someone, can anyone blame him? In this scenario, to convince himself of the good in the world might not really be effective and I could not particularly appreciate the author’s point of view that the person would know from his gut whether he can trust someone or no.

Gut feel is just that, the raw gut. Many a time it is a saviour, but many other times, it is a heart break too… Look at all those people who fell in love and ruined their peace of mind because their heart had this feeling that the person is right, only to realize in the long run that their choice was incorrect. The author points out that, there might have been some vibes, that there might have been some inclination of negative energy level that they failed to read and eventually made their life miserable. But I tend to contradict that, one might perhaps feel in his heart that the person may be right, but once he thinks he has made the right choice and is head over heels with that person, can he honestly say that he had time to evaluate things? Love is work and it is not cut out! One needs to do a lot of hard work to sustain it over a period of time and turn it into something more beautiful, like a family that will be loved and cherished. It is a life long work with the burden shared and in this situation, one does not have time to observe the little nuances or symbols that indicate the hole in the ship until the storm has come and the ship begins to rock and sink! Instead of going that far into the relation of commitment, one might take a simpler example of a work day. There are many such days, one would feel that the day would be gruelling and it eventually turns out to be that. Now, perhaps that person might not have a rational explanation as to why he felt so, but then, he had prior experience of those days and he knows it in his heart that he is correct, but would that prepare him for that day? I mean, for an engineer, who has a release that day, no matter how many releases he might have been a part of, there is always this blood in the gut feel that comes when the date is approaching and no matter the prior experiences of the worst kind, every release has a way of giving a sleepless night and no amount of preparation or experience can help that person. Gut feel or no, one has to endure that stinking cloud until it passes over!

I have never appreciated these self help books or theoretical inspirational talks that say that one’s mind is a gold mine of ideas and it takes nothing more than self-control to control that mind! Yes, correct! And that self control comes through a diligent thought process and that thought process is again the work of mind! So, in order to control the mind, one has to teach that mind how to control it through the very ideas that stem through the mind. See, how confusing? Then, I get a counter argument saying that there are billions of gates, that take an input and give an output and not all those gates are AND gates or whatever! Well, whatever it is, life is simpler if one believes that as long as one has the strength to accept the consequences, heart and mind will guide them in the right way and each human is intelligent enough to realize that! Frame of mind is a state that one endures through experiences and once one thinks through those experiences, they get to a better frame of mind that helps them through that murk. One will eventually get through that murk and learn more experiences that help him either evade or escape the trying situations or give him the strength to go through those situations since he already endured what it feels like and succeeded through those trying times, to know that he will outlast this storm as well.

See, this topic can be quite trying, for I would eventually say that all the self help books just speak what I feel from gut, which has no rationale :D. and so I closed that book, forever, never to open it again! I am not going to mention the name of the book that I closed in the second chapter, either! But why did I bother opening a self help book when I detest the idea so much? Well, as time would have it, I sometimes act a bit conked, which is not out of ordinary, but, me trying to challenge myself to go beyond that single page is quite irrational! Again, my gut says I will hate it and it proved right! For crying out loud, I wonder, when I read my thoughts in a book, they scare the living day lights out of me, how can one honestly endure my company? Am I scary too? I am not against the genre of these books, just that these are not for me, for each person has their own philosophy about life and how they intend to deal with that philosophy! Perhaps there is something in that 250-page book, that will eventually help me learn how to tune my mind, but I have little patience. I am a toddler in life who wishes to crawl, try to walk, fall down, get up, dust down myself and take a step. I will eventually learn how to walk and take confident steps forward in life. Learning is natural to any living being and it is natural to me too and it is natural to everyone out there too!!!

Phew! :)