New York 2012

I wanted to see New York for a long time. So long a time, that it became an all consuming fever. And finally, I did see it. In all its glory and pompousness, the glitz and the glam, the dirt and the shabbiness, it is, as a place with history should be, with a mix of old and new.

When I looked down on the city that called me through my dreams, I was overwhelmed with an emotion that was numbing. This is reality, the expanse of the sky scrapers, the intermittent blue patches of rivers was the aerial view. For a few seconds, all I could do was to look at that expanse and let my heart fill up with a desire so strong that it overruled all the passion I ever felt for anything in life. While the captain announced that we were approaching the runway, I assure you, my heart was beating a mile a minute with the anticipation of a dream come true.

I like skyscrapers. I like cube structures. For me, more than the curves and the ridges, the sharp straight lines of definiteness meant elegance beyond beauty. I am sure that there are other places in the world, that have these amazing structures, but, my introduction to these breath taking buildings was through New York and I have held this dream so near to my heart, that the fulfillment of it, left me tired with the emotional waves running high and low. I did not want to leave that place. I wanted to be lost in the sea of vastness, be a nobody in the land that is filled with proud Newyorkers, cut throat businesses, the lavish markets, the scrumptious delicacies, the inexpensive food stalls, the expensive designers and amidst all this, a heritage that walked along with me on the streets of New York city.

My favorite part of New York is the Rockefeller center and the Times Square. I absolutely loved those places. For a person who is an introvert, who does not enjoy crowd or loud music or incessant traffic, the Rockefeller and Times Square would perhaps be like personal hell. But, I loved them, and it came as a surprise to me too. I realized that the humdrum of the crowd was a soothing balm amidst the chaos of emotions in me. I realized I loved being a loner in that vast expanse of population and still be a part of the crowd that ran from one end to another. I loved being anonymous and still enjoyed the theoretical concept of the group. Times Square on a Saturday evening was a treat to sore eyes, buzzing with people and activity and shoppers from various corners of USA.

The Rockefeller was a treat to my heart that began a slow hum that did not stop until I boarded my return flight. It called to me. I sat on the sixth avenue, watching the people taking snaps, relaxing their legs after a day of tiring walk, the occasional NYPD and the famous yellow taxi cabs. I saw myself being there, visualized myself walking to the office, with Starbucks in one hand, laptop on the shoulder, checking phone, striding forward with the confidence that I belonged in that place, for once not feeling out of place in my own skin, into the giant buildings and up the elevator to the 100th floor of an office and feel like I own the place. I could live there. I could see myself wanting to go to work, to take the long lethargic strolls in the evening before I return to my cardboard box. I could see myself renting a condo or a loft or even a penthouse (shhh… I can dream). I could see myself sitting on a window sill, with a coffee cup, lost in the expanse of the city lights in the late evening. I could almost feel the yearning in me, to make it real. But then, the reality of the flight departure time closing in, sunk in and I walked hurriedly back to the hotel, bidding farewell to the dream and the city. This is a forbidden dream, my heart screamed. Yet, perhaps because it is forbidden, that I yearn to see it become a reality that much more. I do not know. For now, in the aftermath of New York trip, sitting in a forest of trees, passing the lazy and quiet evenings watching a sitcom and staring the expanse of greenery, almost cursing the inactivity of the place, I think back to New York with warmth in my heart.

The statue of liberty was disappointing. For one, it was really small. For other, it was cloudy and I could not take snaps of the skyline I so wanted! I tried a few, but I let myself forget about the snaps and watched the view unfold in front of me and held on to it. This is it, the revelation. This is what it feels like, when every nerve in the body is focused on screaming with joy, while the heart and mind quiet them. I tell you, it was extremely tiring. My legs were killing me, after the long walks, but, the insides were killing me more. This trip made me realize that I need SLR, or at least a wide angle digicam. My good old digicam is seriously outdated! I promised myself that I would go back and watch an opera and sit near the fountain of Rockefeller an entire day. I intend on keeping that promise. I also intend on buying myself a good camera before I go there again!


It’s not all buzz in New York. There are shades of New York that can be disturbing. The consuming stink of the subways, the masses of people on the trains and pathways, the overpowering smell of food, coal, perfume, old age, cynicism, restlessness, cigars, booze – all part of a day-to-day life in a subway can be scary. But it goes to show that beneath the glam and the glitz, beneath all the show biz, New York is just like any other place. The proud natives almost compete with Bengalis for the amount of passion they have for the place. And they are not easy to live it. Forever being an outsider alien in a land of reasoned natives is a difficult life. When I was speaking about my trip to New York, the first question asked of me was, “Were the New Yorkers rude?”. I honestly do not know. I have not met many natives. And with few sentences exchanged with the hoteliers, who are bound to be courteous, I cannot say much. But anyone with self-worth in that place will always be proud of that place. Sometimes pride can be considered rude. I might be blindsided with my admiration, but the city did bounce back from its low and still continued to hold the charm and buzz it is known for.


The three day trip was fantastic and though I saw the most sought out tourist destinations of New York - the cathedral, the Grand central, the Brooklyn Bridge, the Newyork city museum, Central Park..., the day-to-day humdrum is what I liked.  As the ending approached, it was depressing to the extent where I walked alongside my friend in silence, absorbed in my own swarm of thoughts. When I was asked, what did New York mean to me, now that I was here, I was stuck for words, just like I am stuck for words when I have to speak of Rahul Dravid and his farewell to International cricket. I mumbled out saying I love being a nobody, being swallowed into the mass of concrete and people, she teased saying, “People who want to run and hide feel that!”. Perhaps. But then, being nobody meant liberation. That was what I was feeling, the exaltation of being free.  While the familiar shackles are back, each step in New York City, was like my own personal sanctuary that marked a renaissance that I will forever hold dear.

Thanks to Arch, who made this trip possible and enjoyable. I owe you :).