Random Thoughts

I did a good deed today. Perhaps allowed someone some peace of mind. There are a few people in this world, who require knowledge. There is nothing wrong with such people, as they want to expand their knowledge and assisting them in anyway can only be good, right? So I did the good deed of expanding some fern minded intelligence to that of a tea-spoon. Well, no one can say I am bad! So what is the knowledge that I have imparted? Well, it is about me! Right! Knowing about me is quintessential to a few people and they might not really sleep in the nights, if they cannot know things about me and I did them all a favor and let them know the truth about me, from the only reliable source in this whole wide world and that is me! Now, I am not so sure why that is important, but, it is important for their sanity. Why take the curse of someone’s insanity? So, I gave them the fruit of their labour. Another thing about me is that, when I do not want to lend information, I can be such an obtuse pers...

Missing you does not even begin to cover the hole in me. As time passes, these things should be easy. To let go, knowing that you would return, yet, letting go has always been a problem for me. Every time I let go, I have this feeling of being stranded in the middle of no where. Lost, that is how it feels. Lost my way and stuttering around in the dark, opening myself up for a pit or rock, not knowing what would embrace me and if I have enough strength to withstand that. As the journey unwound today at a speed of 120, the intermittent red lights screaming at me to not look further down the lane, my heart raced abreast with the road, curling its way to the airport, the parched throat reminding me of a painful adieu. While I tossed and turned around, unable to get my mind around the numbness when I realized that the pain is just round the corner, waiting to grab my throat, I wondered if you felt the same way about this. If you could feel the distance that seems to forever hover around us,...

There is something about December that brings in a sense of joy to me. Typically, December month releases movies full of snowfall, romance, vibrant color, fantastic fireworks, lilting music and exuberance. I love the snowfall, I love the colors in the air, I love the work in office – loaded and full-on pressure, I love the hope that comes with the new year being around the corner, promising something new and fantastic and ofcourse, the end of season sales and festive offers. I love the decors in the malls, I love the displays on the windows and the late night strolls on the walkways of the brightly lit stores. The smiles dance on the corners of the lips and a joy springs into the heart at the sight of beautiful dresses and lovely weather. And ofcourse, today I have all those reasons and more. My heart literally sings at the very thought and the smile cannot be rubbed off my face today. Tense all around, yet my heart swirls in a dance, composing its own tune as it moves around. I cannot...

I could hardly wait to watch this film and when I did, I have had a fantastic experience. I would not say that it stuck to the book to the letter, but at least the integrity of the book was kept as a whole. I do have a few complaints, but let me first feel the thrill running through of my nerves, of watching one of my favourite trio (onscreen and the characters of the book) – Harry, Ron, Hermoine. First impression, WOW, I am watching the epic finale or the build up to the epic finale. I hope the part 2 shall not be as disappointing as the book, though. I would have been happy to watch the duel between Dumbledore and Grindelwald. I get it, that the movie is about Harry Potter trying to find a solution to the impending doom, but, is it not logical to put a little effort in capturing the essence of Dumbledore, who played a phenomenal role in what Harry is today and what he would be doing tomorrow? A little portrayal of Rita Skeeter’s book , introducing Aberforth (Dumbledore’s brother, w...

There seems to be a choke stuck in my throat that is wilfully agonizing my day. For some reason, the choke is not out of despair, it is out of anger and frustration. What place are we sharing if a genius has to prove himself time and again, over and over and over again?  Rahul Dravid is a phenomenon in Indian Cricket. He might not be as flamboyant as Sehwag, might not have been “God” of cricket like Sachin or might not have been as outspoken as Sourav, but that does not make him any less important to the team. I don’t want to speak of the exploits he did with the bat or the courageous displays of grit. I just wish that he would be left alone. Given a chance, I would envelope in a time capsule and push him away, away from all these prying eyes who want to rip him apart. His batting is like that of the brush strokes of Da Vinci and the sonnets of Shakespeare. Why question his commitment? if for one shot of his bat, I have to wait for a thousand strokes, I am prepared to wait, for whe...

DISCLAIMER: This is a fictional story. All the characters are fictional. The incident itself is a creation. Any resemblance to people or to the situations in the real world, is purely coincidental. ---------------------- The random people on the street have more in common than them. How ironic is that? Yet, they are forced to endure those differences, by the law, by the people around them, by their well-wishers, by their parents. However, they would rather blissfully forgive their hypocrisy, if they do not want to be together. What defines this bond, that which pulls the strings of their conscience, but does not touch their hearts? Day after day, to kill a part of you, yet, unaware of the murder that is being committed. No wonder, when the time comes for the certainty, we are all unprepared. And no wonder the eventuality is assumed as a certainty. Perhaps, when one could have some integrity in their thoughts, world would seem so much better. One redeeming quality, is that too much t...

What is it with questions that irk people? Is it because the answers to them are inconvenient or is it because it is the guilt of knowing that the truth hurts or is it because of plain ego that refuses to give answers? What is it in the ego that demands instant obedience (for lack of better word) and sacrifice? Are these the only things it can understand? Not love or pain? “I don’t want to talk about it.” “I don’t require you, damn it.” “Fine. Now let’s talk something else.” “I don’t understand. PERIOD” How many times have we heard those before, from one or the other or probably from one’s own echo? How easy is it to cut people from their voices, just because one cannot bear the thought? And just because one cannot understand the concept, does that mean that the concept doesn’t exist? Despite evolving over centuries and despite languages evolving beautifully, there is something about words that are difficult to fathom. Despite the cross cultural differences being shunned to nothing, th...

These days I am having difficulty jotting down thoughts. I am unable to come up with anything logical or conclusive. I am unable to even make a series of random thoughts. The disconnected array of thoughts is far better than a blank one. Yet, the brain blatantly refuses to think and mind draws a blank, after repeated requests! It is like, it has exhausted the limited supply of thoughts. Cannot quite understand why that is the case though. I am afraid that the muse has eluded me forever and that I am stuck in a pool of shallowness from which nothing ever springs – just a ripple on the water. For some reason, the echo of my inner voice that blasted in my ear has gone mute or I have become deaf. Either ways, there seems to be a glaringly obvious handicap I seem to carry.

The ability to think opposing ideas, hold them in the brain and then go about performing the day-to-day activities would lead to satisfying results. Opposing ideas are such difficult thought processes, since the moment there are two things in mind, the brain refuses to respond and throws an exception – “AmbiguousCommandException”, saying that there are two tracks pulling in different directions and that it cannot choose. Brain is hardwired to perform in a certain way, right? It has inputs from X channels and inputs from Y channels and it processes them and comes to a cumulative set of options that are further analyzed and a certain output is thrown out of its complex structure! Which means, a cumulative set of options will have to be generated. But, what if, the cumulative set of options are all opposing to each other? Like, one signal says, love and the other says, hate. One says, light and other says, dark. To carry these simultaneously, weigh the pros and cons of loving and hating, ...

DISCLAIMER: This is a fictional story. All the characters are fictional. The incident itself is a creation. Any resemblance to people or to the situations in the real world, is purely coincidental. ************************* She looked forlorn, as she gazed out of her bedroom window, on to the street below. The skies are blue, the sun is bright, the breeze is cool, the kids are playing on the road. All in all, the day demands that it be enjoyed, yet, she looked forlorn. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, as though the reflection might help her over the sudden weight she felt. She forced herself to cheer up and on an impulse decided to go shopping. She got ready with a trouser and a top, took her wallet and the bus pass and breezed through the road towards the bus stop. She always did this little dance, when she thinks her body requires a little cheer, hoping that the extra jolt drives the weight off her mind and body. She stood in the bus stop, impatient for the bus, lo...

8-9-10 – the number my husband is too fond of! And today, it is 08-09-10. Barring his love for this series, there is another event that occurred today – my fifth year in my professional life and I am still holding my fort, happy with what I am doing and where I am standing. Still hungry for more and still yearning for more – so, that definitely is a happy place. Here’s a note, wishing all my colleagues “Heartiest Congratulations!” on this significant day. Hope that the forward journey is more challenging and satisfying…

Behind the mask, the beautiful face casts its radiant smile, blinding and scorching the very essence of the bearer and causing a shudder to the observer. Yet, the beauty enchants and forces the embrace that turns into shackles that cannot be broken by mere whim or by the force of iron, for the shackles are not physical restraints but rather the ramifications of the imaginary locks on the thoughts of the mind. Pray, tell, how can one fight this? Should one endure this pain? Need not, it is just a simple solution of making oneself happy – like the “Expecto patronum!” charm against the dementors. Yet, it is so difficult to be happy, when one chooses to wallow in the never ending pits of one’s own selfishness and other’s self-centredness! Night grows into a day. As the hidden masks wear off and the light scatters the darkness around, few lives are stumbled into the darkness, those that spring to life in the darkest hour of the day. In the closed walls of the house, the demons of the lust e...

Is there a truth to bliss in relationships? When people from different worlds meet and walk along together a certain road, a bond is formed. That is true, with everyone. We form bonds with people we study with, work with, share a roof with. Are those bonds really strong or will they blow away after a certain time? isn’t it true, that most of the friends we had in school are a distant past, a few who come and go in intervals to say a “hi” or wish on a birthday? And same goes to college friends too, the occasional phone call, the occasional birthday wish and perhaps an occasional anniversary message or perhaps an occasional movie together or a luncheon together or a group dinner, etc. The same with ex-colleagues, despite spending more than twelve straight hours in office, the moment we leave the company, they are nothing but mirages on the road. And what about colleagues we work with? The people we spend considerable amount of time, the people with whom we have conversations that last lo...

“Why should I cook? It is a girl’s job!” I heard my brother stating vehemently. And the feminist in me took that as a sure sign of conflict, which triggered an age old debate of “Girl Job” and “Guy Job”. Boy, was I irked at that insolent tone or what! Define “girl job” for me please… just because a girl takes the responsibility of keeping a hot meal on the table twice a day, can that be labelled a girl’s job? I can show you a few hundred girls who do not know how to cook and I can show you a few hundred guys who do a grand job of putting a meal together. And the topic went on and on about the usual “paycheck is earned by men” “how difficult is it to cook a meal?” “Men do all the hardwork in the family and girls just cook and sleep” etc etc etc… I don’t even want to humble the questions with counter points. Seriously, I was surprised about the chauvinist attitude that I told him as such – to stop being such an MCP. Shudder! I was wondering, however, what good is all that manliness if he...

These days, I enjoy my cab ride a little too much. The reason being the chauffeur enjoys his job too much. I don’t feel a bump, I don’t feel a discomfort and that is when I sit behind. I relax with the soothing music, my kind of music – soulful, good lyrics and above all, fabulous voice and different music every day. I look out of the window, let the breeze gush onto my face and just about be lost in the words that are in the background. And as the voices behind disappear, I begin to relax and my mind wanders for the day ahead. The cabby doesn’t hurry, doesn’t drive fast and I still reach on time – there is this sense of relaxed mood around him that makes me feel that I have all the time in the world for planning my day. I get in a right mood to the office and get started with the day, in the right frame of mind – relaxed, well planned and completely happy. It made me realize, how much our environment influences the moods one has in a given day. Despite the traffic, despite the honking...

Need some inspiration – to draw out the hidden thoughts from the rusty corners of my mind. Words refuse to form sentences and the shackles holding my brain refuse to break and let go. The intermittent flashes of sense just about evaporates at the thought of “self-time”. As I struggle to form coherent thoughts that pull me into a protective wrap, I sense a desperate need for freedom. I want to go out and shout at the top of my voice, with not a care for the passer by. I want to stand in the middle of the night – in a down pour and feel the cold water rush through me, cleansing the fiery distaste for sanity. I wish to feel the warmth of the fresh morning coffee on a curvy road, surrounded by mountains and fog and take comfort in the rare luxury of such time in hand. I wish to breathe in the air of fresh blue berry muffins, as the vapor reaches my nose, feel the sense of deliciousness and be lost in the delicacy of the flavor. I wish to sit in peace in the isolation of an island, away fro...

Inception – wow! The limitless possibilities of dreams and the dream world are for one and all! Dreams have some rather special way of making one feel, particularly when they can be recollected and relived. And if dreams are an interpretation of our subconscious mind, then, what plays out in the dream as an action sequence can very well be an influencing factor in our day-to-day life. How many times did one get up from a dream only to realize it was hardly ten minutes that one dozed off? But the effect of that dream lasts for some time, particularly if it is a dream that has some significance to an internal conflict. I have had such dreams many a time and have been influenced by them too. And watching “Inception” left me feeling thrilled and excited. Inception – is about a team that extracts dreams and there by extract certain confidential information from people. The extraction of the dreams is created in an environment where the people are asleep in certain proximity with the help ...

Wonder what it is to be lonely! Does it mean that one awaits company in the middle of the night, when the eyes refuse to droop and the dreams continue to elude you? Does it mean that one seeks pleasure in the meaningless chatter with trial and errors and find that the world is asleep to keep you entertained? Does it mean flipping the channels from one to nine ninety nine, knowing that there is nothing interesting in the thousand channels that are telecasted and that you are on your own to survive the boredom? Does it mean that the thoughts surrounding your mind in the middle of the night have ten search results in Google and that the vagueness of one’s mind is insufficient for the search engine that requires precise key words? In that middle of the night, apart from the brain not sending the signals that it should probably shutdown for the day, it refuses to co-operate even for the economical and logical words that can provide a few search results to give you company, will that be cons...

My grandfather is an icon to me. He is a legend who continues to inspire me, despite my indiscipline in my day-to-day life. And last night, the sweet pillow talks (NOT with my husband!) with my grand mother gave another small opening into the person he was. And this was a side I would never ever believe existed, not to my grand father and if someone else would have told me the same story, including my mom, I would have brushed it off as her fantasy! (Oh yes, my mom has a way of telling stories – those are for some other time!). My grand parents stayed in Mumbai (Bombay then) during the initial days of their marriage, as grand pa was posted there. It seems that some of the days he used to cook food for her! (guffaww!!! I mean – late 50s, who would believe it? But then, I guess, guys then are much more romantic than the 20 or 30 something people now!). Though my grand pa culinary skills are not something to be talked about (Mind you, this is the statement from my grand ma, not me, though...

DISCLAIMER: This is a letter written by a lover to her love... A thought that came in the middle of a night - not intended for any one. ***************** Restless night, as the hand inevitably moves to switch on the laptop and the thoughts inadvertently fling into the shallow mists of the midnight, I try to gather my thoughts that seem to befuddle me. I sit here at my table, at one O clock in the night, reminiscing the days that started my journey into the world of love. The days I waited for you, to welcome you after your tired day at work. Despite working overtime or boggled by work, the thought of you filled me with a vigour that helped me get through the day. Knowing that we had the night to ourselves, knowing that I can confess my fears, desires, thoughts and foolishness with you and knowing that I would not be judged, but would be embraced into the warmth of your hands, into you – wow, that sense of satisfaction is deep. I know that I would get a bashing for being awake at ...

After a very long time , I have opened a few websites I frequented as a fresher and it amazes me that I actually lost touch with the innovations happenings around the industry. Today, people are talking about Infrastructure as a Service, Network Attached Memory, 4G. Long gone are the days of commute on foot/two-wheelers – now is the fast forward generation of speed trains and luxury shuttles. And pretty soon it would be a virtual box, with access to anything and everything over thin air! Like the Minority Report . We are talking about Infrastructure as a service and later perhaps, it would be Artificial Resources as Service (What do you say? I wonder if we are really that far from this being a reality – are we not already half way machines with flesh and blood?). The science fiction no longer remains fiction but borders round the reality, as the artificial Intelligence gives way to automated and highly intelligent machines (shudder!!) that can complete the tasks – based on the archival...

As the vehicle weaves in and out of traffic at a speed of 60kmph - 80kmph in fifth gear, with the sudden breaks and the roller-coaster rides, the little life in me almost chokes in the throat and as my heart threatens to stop, I hold on to the support gear near the door and try not to cringe at the oncoming traffic. The driver, however is least affected by my antiques or the conversation behind me, where people sarcastically remark that there really is no hurry and that they want to reach the destination alive! Every morning - as the cool breeze rushes through my hair, I close my eyes and try to catch some sleep, only -the driver has other ideas about his passengers sleeping - perhaps because he does not have the luxury of closing his eyes while driving (LOL), he either applies a sudden break or takes a rash turn to the right or left. Oh, my driver is expert on cuts too… So obviously, I cannot sleep, which frustrates me to no end - as the speed is not convenient to read a book either. ...

With too much time to spare, the whim of a tour took off a mile a minute and materialized on the Saturday. Set and eager to enjoy the first ever planed vacation, I looked forward to having a quiet time, away from the countless hurdles that seem to amass with every step I take. Anyway, the tour required a hop stop at Bangalore and my first impression was, “Dirty!”, but then, I shall leave my impressions of her until I am better equipped with information by spending a date with her. For now, Bangalore was a strut in our journey to Coorg. The journey to a destination is what makes the ride worthwhile, but the journey to Coorg was tiring and very frustrating. As we boarded the bus to Coorg, I plugged in my ipod, with less hope of staying awake throughout the journey, yet the second half of the journey, I was fighting nausea and just praying we would get down the damn bus fast. Bus rides are not my favourite and obviously, the choice of transport was not really good. When I stepped off the ...

As the new beginning kicks off with tiffs and laughs, there is this tingle of excitement that might lead to contentment in the deepest crevices of the heart, if the sadness of a life altering course does not sit tightly in it already. While the life ahead of me does look promising, the past hovers like an unforgiving menace that wishes for atonement and while the beginning sounds delightful, the nuance of distance with the loved ones does seem quite difficult to accept. Comfort is a luxury that sometimes becomes scarce even between mom and a child, what are other relations, if not trifles? While life offers many courses in dealing with relations, unfortunately every lesson is a whiplash that is every bit harsh and every bit painful, both to the bearer as well as the executioner, yet, those whiplashes come at frequent intervals from the executioner, despite the pain. Despite the care for solidarity, certain things are inevitable in life, like being alone forever. Companionship can be a ...

“Not all screams are out of terror, Not all the tears are of pain, Not all the smiles are of joy…” and so started my thoughts in the middle of the night. That is one of my major talents, to wake up in the middle of the night, however exhausted, to jot down a line that seems to tickle my over-sensitive brain. Pain and pleasure, walk hand in hand or so it seems. To the moment of bliss and to the moment in hell, pleasure leads to pain and pain leads to salvation – is this form of pleasure? If the salvation is the journey to a netherland, then, perhaps it is, but who can guarantee that the journey on the other side of life is fascinating or easy, if there exists such a life? The tantalizing hope keeps playing hide and seek, as the fortune cookie tries to give me a kind word. The pessimistic heart never stops to warn the impending possibility of disaster, while the practical mind seeks peace in finding alternatives, while the exhausted body wants to scream – not out of terror – just bec...

So unfair to be frustrated on all the wrong reasons, but what would you do when you are forced to face the question that you dread as soon as you get out of the bed? Choices, decisions, life – all seem to stop for a moment, as though my answer has the power to influence the nature’s laws, as though saying a yes, would inevitably spin the world out of control and saying a no would put the world into a topsy turvy ride. Well, technically, my world, as it seems! Despite knowing that roads are blocked and that the only way to proceed further on that road seems to be by choosing an alternate path, it seems so difficult to turn my back, but also ridiculously foolish to stand and stare ahead and hoping some miracle would clear the space enough to move forward. But then, I am not a tiny ingrate, if I seem to count my baggage, I can easily weigh as much as a truck and wouldn’t it be a little exaggeration to hope for a miracle that shall blast all these boulders and create a way for me and my tr...

Sometimes and mostly, all the time, there is this sense of urgency, to reach somewhere. Somewhere is such a lucrative word, isn’t it? No committed endeavors forcing your pace and no envisioned dreams, pushing your adrenaline to an all time high. The bliss of that carelessness and the challenge of the unknown shifted the continuous momentum to a journey of locking horns with fate. There is this sense of void, particularly since I am about to reach a destination, a stop in the flow. I am tuning myself to accept that stop, but the journey to that stop is filled with fond memories that are difficult to leave behind. The innocence that started the journey, to the ecstasy that seem to have rubbed off on me, as I experienced the thrill and facts of the fanciful ride, as the clouds shifted and the mist cleared and the sun simmered through, brought in a sense of joy and pride, with every step, forward and backward. The urge to explore myself and the sense of reality all bare, I suddenly found m...

Who are you, invading my mind? Your whimsical charms in my hazy sleep, Turn me mellow. You torment me with your words, The seduction passionate and romantic, The charm irresistible and baffling, I am caught in the halo of your warmth, Desperate to hold onto you… Your smile, lopsided and conspicuous, The malicious glint in your eyes, Threatening and challenging, Warning of the inherent evil, Yet, your charms are golden, That melt me in your arms and The trust in you manifold, As I precariously step into your world. The stench of the past, Revolting and tumultuous, Yet, your odor, sumptuous and inviting, I walk through the labyrinth, following you. Little do I notice, the thorns in the path, And the carcasses in the corners, My eyes only for you. You turn to me, your eyes boring into me, The smile fixed and the charm on full throttle, seeking my heart, urging me to rip it out. The heart in my hands, the blood dripping through the fingers, I place it at your...

I wish I can be frozen in time, not breathe, not think, not feel. Just be there, in that timelessness and be lost in the moment of that insanity. I am staring at this piece for the past thirty minutes and it feels like a wish coming true and that I am frozen in time, with no thoughts to bother me. But, alas, that is so not true. My mind works faster and heart even faster, in that, they can force each other to work overtime to gain the sense of time, again!!! I wonder, if there can be volunteers for lab experiments. If yes, I wish I can give them my brain, to do the experiments to compute the logistics of brain waves. I would like to understand mine! And at least, perhaps, in that zone of experimental science, I can find a moment of tranquility! Ah, the extent to which one has to go, to attain a moment’s peace. It is blissful, this agony, to know, I have none to blame, but me! Trust is such an overrated expression, but, it holds no meaning when it is lost. A misplaced trust can hurt eve...

Sometimes I wonder if all that happens is a mere façade, that fades away eventually and what is left, when raw and bare would eventually be revolting. Many times, the paths crossed by the traveling strangers, leave an inexplicable impression which is borne for years to come. These impressions cast out brutal realities and impress the uncertainty of a dream, in that, they are like a trance, offering the fulfillment of lustful desires. But then, few would be like the cast iron realities that promises a lifetime of hell, yet the hold is so powerful that the certainty of doom does not wither the person’s will. That is the way of fate, perhaps! And few would turn out to be paradise, ahhh, how blissful and soulful and how very rare! But it is the deceptive facades that stay the long and turn you inside out and they tend to break the ground brutally and leave the scars, like the strike of lightning on the dear earth. And somehow, these very facades change the very you, making your act a mere ...

Do we need to learn to love a person? I believe so. Love is not lust, to be instantaneous and sparkling. There might be a phase, where that feeling of need for each other exists, the need to be with the person, in the whispered lullabies or sweet nothings, but, that is just a phase. What would happen when they outgrow that? When the need to hear the sweet nothings, though prominent, is a mere whim of a calculated mind and when the promises of eternal happiness are just a reflection of past, rather than the truths of the moment, does love exist? Perhaps, it does, in some corner, masked in an unassuming cover, in desperate need of dusting and cleaning. Well, then, how would one want to regenerate it? Particularly, how would one fight the urge to just let it go and let it be? The root cause of the uncertainty in trusting the loved one is because of expectations. Expectation of the partner, to either reciprocate the warmth or the expectation of unconditional love – when that unconditional ...