When we think that nothing worse can happen, we need to think again, did I really mean that? Between the stab in the back and a pain in the heart, which one can you really tolerate?
Walking down the street, the familiar walkways looked unfamiliar. The chaos of the streets somehow seemed quiet and the songs in the ipod were uncharacteristically loud and the mind for once was not wandering down the lane ahead of my heart and my mind for once has understood that silence is of paramount importance; else I might sue it for non-cooperation. With the cold reaching down the spine and body craving for some warmth, I forced myself to walk down the lane, breathing in the cold air and focusing on the task ahead – keeping one foot before another towards my house. Even that terrifies me, it is not a home, it is a house, that I care a damn for, yet, somehow offers solace. Do I really have a destination? Do I really crave for any destination? Is there some thing I yearn for? Can anyone live like this? without hope or love or life? Is this normal? To not feel a connection with people round you, to not open yourself up? What for should I open up? To be hurt again? To be fooled again? Life’s wicked bars have taught me too much to do the same mistake twice.
Sometimes choices are tough in life, the choice to choose what your heart says and the choice to choose what your mind says. Sometimes, the difference is too great! And sometimes, both are f***ed up enough to guide us down the wrong lane and sometimes, both echo the same thought and in the end, you might act completely different. Every choice turns a tide and once you step further, you are pulled back, to re-evaluate. When does this stop? This retrospection? Should one crucify oneself with the past, time and again? Past, has no role in future, right? Or does it? Every step in your future is based on what you have done in the past, so how can it not influence you in the future? It does and it influences you big time. Is it easy, to let go and forget and walk past, as though nothing has happened? No, it is not, but if one has to live with that choice, then, one has to move forward, never caring a damn about feeling the hurt and to let the heart bleed and wish somehow that there is strength in you to force your way down the lane.
“I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone”
There is a point at which everything is just “JUST”. Nothing matters anymore, not even life. Why is it so difficult to walk away from things? Probably because we invested time from our life and a part of our soul into it. But, grown ups understand the logistics of the situation, right? Amazingly, they also behave childish when given a situation that they do not want to face. That is when heart conquers mind, when mind says, just face it, heart stumbles, I cannot… But, then, Life is not just a matter of choices, it is also eventualities, it is also fatalities… that one cannot ignore. Fight to survive the torment and fight to survive that moment and succeed. Will I??? I will, any other way is unacceptable, but knowing me, that fight is not just a fight, but a rupture of me that will not leave me or people round me same any more. The very change I hate.
Walking down the street, the familiar walkways looked unfamiliar. The chaos of the streets somehow seemed quiet and the songs in the ipod were uncharacteristically loud and the mind for once was not wandering down the lane ahead of my heart and my mind for once has understood that silence is of paramount importance; else I might sue it for non-cooperation. With the cold reaching down the spine and body craving for some warmth, I forced myself to walk down the lane, breathing in the cold air and focusing on the task ahead – keeping one foot before another towards my house. Even that terrifies me, it is not a home, it is a house, that I care a damn for, yet, somehow offers solace. Do I really have a destination? Do I really crave for any destination? Is there some thing I yearn for? Can anyone live like this? without hope or love or life? Is this normal? To not feel a connection with people round you, to not open yourself up? What for should I open up? To be hurt again? To be fooled again? Life’s wicked bars have taught me too much to do the same mistake twice.
Sometimes choices are tough in life, the choice to choose what your heart says and the choice to choose what your mind says. Sometimes, the difference is too great! And sometimes, both are f***ed up enough to guide us down the wrong lane and sometimes, both echo the same thought and in the end, you might act completely different. Every choice turns a tide and once you step further, you are pulled back, to re-evaluate. When does this stop? This retrospection? Should one crucify oneself with the past, time and again? Past, has no role in future, right? Or does it? Every step in your future is based on what you have done in the past, so how can it not influence you in the future? It does and it influences you big time. Is it easy, to let go and forget and walk past, as though nothing has happened? No, it is not, but if one has to live with that choice, then, one has to move forward, never caring a damn about feeling the hurt and to let the heart bleed and wish somehow that there is strength in you to force your way down the lane.
“I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone”
There is a point at which everything is just “JUST”. Nothing matters anymore, not even life. Why is it so difficult to walk away from things? Probably because we invested time from our life and a part of our soul into it. But, grown ups understand the logistics of the situation, right? Amazingly, they also behave childish when given a situation that they do not want to face. That is when heart conquers mind, when mind says, just face it, heart stumbles, I cannot… But, then, Life is not just a matter of choices, it is also eventualities, it is also fatalities… that one cannot ignore. Fight to survive the torment and fight to survive that moment and succeed. Will I??? I will, any other way is unacceptable, but knowing me, that fight is not just a fight, but a rupture of me that will not leave me or people round me same any more. The very change I hate.
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